My Answers QOTW

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 QUESTION OF THE WEEK:

If you look in the mirror and think you look fat, describe what being fat means as it pertains to you.

MY ANSWER:

When I look in the mirror, I see "a person I don't recognize."  It is not hard to see the difference when you remember your body being at a different weight and a different size. The problem is that I was too busy to notice what was happening to my body. If I had caught the problem in time, I wouldn't have to be stressed out over having to lose the weight, but life continues to happen and so the cycle has continued for the past four years. I hope this journal will help me to stop recycling the same pounds that I keep losing over and over again.

For me, being fat means being wider than I am tall. It means gaining double what I used to weigh. It means that instead of me, the closet is wearing my prettiest clothes. It means that I am too embarrassed to even think about intimacy. It means that people do not respond to me as well as when I am fit. It means that it takes me longer to get dressed, especially if I am wearing pantyhose or shoes that have to be buckled or tied. It means that I have lost my energy and everything and anything gets me tired and exhausted. It means not being able to go up a flight of stairs without getting short-winded. It means that it is harder to find comfortable shoes that fit right. It means that I was so used to dressing the "The Woman in The Glass Box" that I do not know how to dress the person who is now staring back at me from inside the mirror. It means that I have failed myself.

I do not know this stranger, but I need to take time to get to know her and I need to stop putting her last. She might not be what I want to look like, but she is still a person who needs to be loved and I am the only one who can set her free from The Glass Box.

(I will not add my Observations of the Week until the end of the week.)