Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Back Problems

I have been having problems with my back since Monday. I dont know if this is what happens to other people when they say that their backs went out, but my tailbone fell really bad yesterday. I am not able to lift my butt back into position.. It's as if my butt fell and my stomach went up. Does that paint the picture? It was so hard to climb up the stairs into my apartment yesterday. When I go through periods like this, I feel sad that I dont have a partner in life or at least a well-made tall boy scout to lean on. Sighh... Other times, I am ok with being single. =.) But I do worry that my health will not allow me to work and if I dont work, how will I pay my bills? How will I bake my birthday cake and buy myself a birthday present?! =.) I missed work on Monday. Yesterday, I went in to work, but it was really hard. I had the secretary send the clients to my office, but the pain was so bad that I couldnt stand up, and the clock seemed to tick away the minutes in what seemed to be like an eternity.

I called Fortino yesterday to ask about the McKenzie exercises he taught me. He recommended two, so I struggled to do them last night, hoping to see a difference this morning, but there is still much pain. I dont have very much sick leave time or annual leave time at work. That is scary, because I remember what it was like to have to take leave without pay.

I dont think there is much that my new doctor can do, because he is not a specialist. Only thing I could see is that he might refer me to my pain doctor who might refer me back to Fortino. It would take a lot of time to go through all those people to get the help I need. Sighh...

Lord, I am not worthy to receive you. Say but the word and I will be healed.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Weight Loss Tools: The Calendar

Weight: 152.5 Ate all the time last week but lost 1/2 lb. Not bad for not walking (raining) and eating my favorite foods. Wasnt able to go to the park last week because it rained all week and I havent been able to find a park with swings yet, but will keep in the back of my mind on my Things To Do list. Going back to the Scale...

Yesterday, I wrote about how to weigh yourself. In Chapter Two, I bought a new scale. Because I have difficulty seeing without my glasses, I wanted a scale with numbers that light up and are big enough to see without my glasses.The power of prayer led me to a sale at Target. I noticed that some scales weigh to the 1/2 lb, so I bought the Graves Taylor scale. I weigh myself every day or every few days, because it helps me to keep focused on my goal. When I weigh myself once a week, there is more chance of cheating on my diet. If you gain too much, you know what you have to do. It is important to weigh yourself on the floor, not on the carpet, because you will weigh less on carpet which is not an accurate reading. In weighing myself at different times during the day, I discovered that I weigh less in the morning, so I try to weigh myself at the same time every morning. Refer to yesterday's Scale entry/article. After I weigh myself, I put that weight on my calendar. That is how I keep track and its also good to see your progress or lack of.

The calendar is a great weight loss tool. You can see your weight for the month at a glance. It is also good to keep track of when you walk or exercise and how many miles you walked, not to mention birthdays, when your bills are due, and other events in your life. The luxury of internet calendars is that they have alert reminders. Great tool for home or office! Makes me look smart and efficient. =.)

Monday, June 28, 2004

3rd Entry: OMG Check This Out!

(June 22-July 22)

There'll be no such thing as a casual chat. Expect the decisions you reach with a loved one to be permanent -- but not to worry. It's all good.

LATE ENTRY: I dont normally check out my horoscope but aol sent me this. Chatted with AOL Weight Loss tonite. Enjoyed it, ladies! Hope to meet with you again next week.


Weight Loss Tools: The Scale

Weigh yourself how often?!! As much talk as there is that you should only weigh yourself once a week, I have discovered that weighing myself everyday is what has worked for me. I have discovered that I weigh less in the morning and more in the afternoon, so I weigh myself in the nude first thing in the morning. Check out following article:

Weighing: How?... Where?... Why?

Weigh yourself every day. Those who tell you NOT to weigh every day have a host of reasons. They tell you that weighing every day will cause you to feel discouraged, since weight loss comes slowly, and you won't notice weight loss right away and so you give up. They tell you that day-to-day fluctuations due to menstrual cycles, fluid retention, weekend binges, and so on, will somehow make daily weights not relevant.

Well these reasons are not as good as are mine for you TO weigh every day. My rationale is as follows:

First off, to counter the discouragement notion, I point out that we are NOT trying from day one here to LOSE weight, but to merely get a handle on where we are now, to get to where we are not GAINING more weight. Once we are leveled out there, then we will be ready to watch the needle go down. You are smart enough to know, and if you aren't, I'm telling you now, that your weight fluctuates as much as 2 or 3 pounds from day to day due to changes in your cycle or in your fluid retention. Now that you know that, this factor is not going to ruin you psychologically. ok?


Why weigh every day?
We know that losing weight is not terribly difficult to do. We have all lost 5 pounds here, gained back 15, lost 20, gained back 10, lost 5, gained back 25, etc., etc..

The losing is not so hard; it is keeping off the loss, also known as maintaining your weight. Maintenance is my main focus here, and I KNOW that if you do not weigh daily, you will not maintain for long.

What happens if you do not weigh every day? Let's say that you decide to weigh every week instead. Ok. Every single week on Tuesday you are to step on the scale. One week you are 145. The next 143. The next 142.

Ok, then the following Monday you go out in the evening and do the nachos and beer thing. You wake up on Tuesday feeling horrible. You KNOW that you ate like a pig on Monday. You KNOW that you messed up and you will weigh more than 142. You decide to weigh on Wednesday instead. Well something happens Wednesday, and, somehow you don't think of weighing again till the following Tuesday. You have put it off so that it has now been two weeks.

After all the guilt and self-loathing that you put yourself through over the past two weeks, now your entire diet depends on this number on the scale.

You get on the scale. You know what I'm going to say, because you have DONE this before! You look down and there it is: 146.

Are you going to continue on the plan that you had been trying to follow? Of course not! You now see that it is a month later, you weigh a pound more, and you have felt like a failure for 2 weeks now.

Not weighing every day breeds procrastination, gives you excuses, and makes you feel like little lapses are major diet-blowing blunders. In fact, weighing every day can offer you hope after a day when you have "slipped up".

If you weigh every day, you get into the habit of it. Yes, there will be days that you will be up a pound or two. You will frown and you will just stop eating a little sooner each meal that day. Then the next day, you willsee that you are really on track. You have not screwed up.

How to weigh? Get onthe scale at the same time every day, either first thing after you go to the bathroom, or right before you get in bed. Weigh naked or with the same robe on every day. I have found that it doesn't generally matter if you weigh before or after shaving or filing your nails.

The first time you weigh, add three pounds and tell yourself that is your MAXIMUM weight. If you weigh 154, you may NOT go higher than 157. If you weigh 180 now, you may NOT go higher than 183.  If you get close to your MAX weight like within a pound of it, then be pretty strict with yourself that day. (Remember little daily fluid retention and that stuff, and you may NOT go higher than your MAX weight!)

max weight

Setting Goals. I like to set 5 pound weight goals. These are easier to meet than the lofty gonna-lose-50-lbs-by-summer goals. Now the thing is, once you have lost 5 pounds, you add three to the number on the scale and that is your new MAX weight. So you can't gain more than three pounds of it back, not even for a day. That's the rule. So you have to get a good grip on your body's needs, you have to pay attention to what you eat, and you have to be deadly honest with yourself. 

Our goal here is not short-term easy-quick weight loss. Nope, been there done that. This one is for KEEPS. Think of a year from now. In a year you want to be closer to your ideal weight, if you are not already there. And in two years, you want to be your ideal weight. You did not get overweight in 30 days. You cannot expect to get it off in 30 days either. If you lose one pound each week for the next year, you'll lose 52 lbs! And in one year, you will be a year older, no matter what you do, so you may as well get closer to your ideal weight.

So my point here is you are not going to get off this plan. This is going to become part of your life. You will see that this plan fits your life, with only a few pleasant changes in your routine, so that you will want to stay on it. You will first keep from gaining more weight, then you will slowly lose weight, you may maintain for awhile at one weight, then decide to slowly lose more, until eventually you are where you want to be, a svelte new lighter you, and you will maintain this, by staying on this plan.

QUIZ: Rate Your Body Image

Godward - The mirror GOW014 ... Image Loading 

"The Mirror" by John William Godward, 1899.

1. Do you like what you see in the mirror?

Hell yeah, I'd shag it 0
If I've made an effort 1
I get bad days 2
Never 3

2. Do you enjoy going clothes shopping?

Yes, I live for it and everything looks so great on me 0
If I can find something I like, yeah 1
If I'm having a good day 2
I hate it as a look terrible in everything. 3

3. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

5 minutes, comb hair and run 0
15-30 1
30-1 hour 2
Over an hour 3

4. Happy to get naked with a new partner?

Nope, I'm keeping my vest on and the lights off 2
I want lights, ceiling mirrors and lots of action 0
By candlelight - romantic and flattering 1
I don't bare all for someone I'm trying to attract! 3

5. How do others see you?

Sexy as hell 0
Fairly attractive, but no supermodel 1
Not the worst looking soul, but fairly ugly 2
Unattractive in every way 3

6. Do you think your mates are all more attractive than you?

Yes 3
Some, but not all 2
No, we're all about the same 1
No, I'm the most attractive 0

7. Negative thoughts about how I look preoccupy me

Always 2
Sometimes 1
Never 0

8. Someone compliments you on how you look, what do you say?

Thanks, I know I am aren't I 0
Oh, I'm not, really? (smile inside) 1
Liar, I look like shite 2

9. What would make you happiest?

Everyone thinking I'm stunning 2
Everyone liking me 1
Everyone thinking I'm intelligent 0

10.How do you feel about dieting?

Ugh, lettuce, no thanks, besides I'm perfect. 0
I live for them, I'm on a different one every week 2
I find they only work if they are balanced and mixed with exercise 1

Points scoring

0-8 Vain: Love yourself don't you? Perhaps a little too darn cocky if you ask me, but just because you're confident doesn't mean you're healthy. Remember to exercise and keep a balanced diet.

8-14 Balanced: You have a good body image and a good outlook. Carry on as you are, but do allow yourself a treat every now and again.

14-20 Need a boost: OK, you are generally happy, but occasionally get insecure, just like anyone does. Do something to boost your self-esteem and remember to eat a healthy and balanced diet.

20-26 Far too low: I don't care if you really are Shrek's twin, you have poor body image and self confidence and need to get more positive. Besides Shrek got the girl in the end, didn't he. Eat healthy, get some exercise and go out and have some fun.

(Oops. I rated 16. Did they have to mention shopping, getting naked for a new beau, and how long it takes to get ready in the a.m.?  Who gets ready in 15 minutes anyway?! ::::Blush:::: Working on moi.)

Sunday, June 27, 2004

Success or Failure: You have a CHOICE!

For me, success is not based on who I am or on what I have but on how many people I have touched. 

Growing up all alone and without any guidance has been a hard struggle for me. Sometimes we dont understand why things happen as they do, and sometimes, I feel that I am a failure, because I havent done anything in my lifetime to leave my mark in the world, but He has given me a much greater gift: He has silently allowed me to leave my whispers of hope in the hearts of many, changing the world one heart at a time. 

The first time I gave my life to God was when I was five years old. Losing my innocence to my cousin and being sexually abused by my uncles, I wanted to die. Sitting on the roof and gazing at the stars as I lifted my head to God, I asked Him to take my life, and He did, but not in the way that I had expected. So many horrible things have happened in my life that my constant cry was to ask God to let me come to live with Him. In 1980, that wish almost came true. A truck crashed into me and I broke almost every single bone in my body. I died, but worried about my children, I asked God to bring me back. He did. My life was merely to survive, merely to exist, and the trials continued. In 1990, I lost everything I had. I took a job as a nanny and housekeeper of a two story house for only $50.00 a week, just so we would have a roof over our heads. I saved every penny I could to buy a car. I prayed to God to give me another opportunity in another town, and a job opened up for me. In 1991, I was at church at what I call an unusual service, because rarely in the Catholic church, do they ask you to come up to the altar and give your life to God. I do not know what happened to the lives of other people who were part of that service, but when I came up to the elder, my whole body trembled as I looked into his eyes and with my whole heart, I said, "Abba, accept your humble servant." I still recall how shocked he looked and how he looked around to see if other people had heard, but my prayer was not directed towards him; it was directed at God. And it was at that very moment that my world as I knew it changed. I continued and continue to have difficulties in my life, but the Lord began to send me people who were just as lost as I was and mytests turned into testimony. Sometimes, you dont know whyyou are where you are, but sometimes, your being there is because of one special person whom you need to touch.

I have so many stories to tell of the many people whom He has sent, most of whom have lost their way, but also some whom He has healed because they believed. I am not worthy to serve Him, but even when I am going through my own difficulties, I feel so blessed that He has called me by name. (Isaiah 43) Helping others is easier than helping yourself, because you center outside the Box, but I must also remember that I also need to help myself. And even when I feel that all is lost, I know that He will not abandon me, and He will not let me down. Sometimes, He is only waiting for me to ask.                   

Today, I would like to share the progress of someone whom the Lord brought into my life. She came to me because she was struggling with her weight, but her pain was so much deeper than that. Without her even realizing it, God had provided her with a very special tool: her fingers. The work of her hands stitched her tapestry of hurt into something beautiful, but doors didnt begin to open up for her until she took her life out of her drawer. Her cross-stitch works of art sat patiently in that drawer, waiting for her YES. Within a short time, she started two cross-stitch sites, and now she is teaching a class in cross-stitch at Hancock Fabrics. I am so proud of you, my friend, for deciding to say YES to your life. The Lord has added golden thread to your tapestry of life, and He will continue to reward you in ways you cannot imagine.

Incorporate golden thread into all of your new works of art, for this is a new beginning for your life. He has removed your sack cloth of sadness and clothed your life with JOY.

Saturday, June 26, 2004

Guilt, Guilt, Guilt...

On Sunday, I was able to walk one mile.. slowly, but I did it. This morning, I was able to walk three miles, also done slowly, but mission accomplished! The rest of the week, it has been raining every night, and God was doing a pretty good job at moving his furniture and turning the lights on and off, which has left us without electricity at times, which means that I have not been able to devote as much time to my journal as I would have liked to. Sighh...

My birthday is a couple of weeks away and I will have to renew my driver's license. Ahh... that dreaded drivers license picture that everybody has to see! It would be nice to get back to 146 lbs for that picture, but I dont expect to lose weight this week. Instead of dieting, I am focusing on changing my eating habits. That makes me feel a bit frustrated, anxious, and guilty about eating the foods I love, not to mention the guilt I feel reading my J-land buddies journals and their battles with temptations of chocolate and visions of japanese wrestlers.

Here's one for the ladies who have done so well this week with their diet plans...

It would have been nice to have been better prepared for this week's menu ideas, but I hadnt gotten paid yet. I went to the grocery store Friday and bought a few things. I plan to continue with my childhood foods next week, also, because there are still a lot of foods I need to savor and a lot of things that I still have to do. This makes me feel happy, because I never had a childhood.  For lunch today, I am having tuna fish patties, mashed potatoes and green beans and kool-aid. Yumm... but I am eating from a small plate.  =.) 

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Weaning Yourself From Over-Eating

A life that is spent being overweight is a life that is only half-lived. Weaning yourself from over-eating takes patience and it takes practice. When you stuff yourself with food, you lose out on the fullness of life that God has for you.

Sounds funny, but I am feeling guilty about not "dieting." Normally, I would have gone grocery shopping at the beginning of the week, but I hadnt gotten paid yet. This week is my opportunity to eat my favorite childhood foods. My purpose this week is to focus on enjoying my food, eating slowly, taking little bites, and paying attention to the size of my portions. Children dont eat adult-sized portions and children dont pig out. Children dont focus their whole world on food. Children want to go out and play, they want to spend time with their loved ones, they want to enjoy the pleasures of life. When your whole world focuses on food, you live to eat, and you miss out on life.

Monday, June 21, 2004

Step 2: Learning to Love Yourself Is The Greatest Gift of All

...for better or worse, our future will be determined in large part by our dreams and by the struggle to make them real. -Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

This week I will center on the following:

1. Spend time with my childhood picture. This week, I will take a few minutes every day to hug the little girl and tell her that I love her and that I am going to help her to be the woman she wants to be.

2. Food. This week, I will make friends with food. I will think about the foods I used to love as a child and hopefully incorporate those foods into my diet this week. I will eat what I want, but... I will sit down to eat at the dining room table, I will give thanks to God for the meal that He has prepared before me. I will take time to enjoy my food and to savor what I am eating. I will pay special attention to the kind of foods that I love and I will pay special attention to the foods I have selected to be in my kitchen, in my refrigerator, and in my everyday life. Did my thoughts about food change when I became an adult? No food or drink after 7 p.m.

3. Water. Divide your weight by 2. This is how much water your body needs. I am at 153 lbs; therefore, I will need to drink 76oz of water daily. This week, I might not be able to drink the recommended 76 ounces, but my goal will be to get as close to it as I can. Did I like water when I was a child? How have my views about water changed when I became an adult?

4. Exercise. This week, I will walk for at least 10 minutes every day. When I was a child, did I like to go out and play? How have my views about exercise changed when I became an adult?

5. Supplements. Because I have problems with my joints and my thyroid, my body needs extra help that may not be found in the foods I eat. Therefore, this week, I will add the following supplements: multi-vitamin, calcium, & total greens.

6. Pamper myself. This week, I will think of things I used to enjoy as a child. This week, I will take myself to the park and swing on the swings. I will re-read my favorite children's book. I will take time to draw and to color.

7. Clothes. This week, I will pay attention to what clothes I wear the most and ask myself why I like them. Are they the most flattering for my figure or are theyjust a cover-up? What were my favorite clothes as a child? What were my favorite colors? I will wear those favorite colors this week.

8. Support. This week, I will take time to spend with God. I will create my sacred space. I will seek to find the support within myself by continuing to write in my journal. I will seek the support of my AOL buddies.

Sunday, June 20, 2004

Chapter 3: Reflections of My Journey

Chapter 1: 09/27/03:190LBS (Physically unable to stand 10 min); 10/13/03:Lost 9.75" on BodyFlex+.

Chapter 2: 01/01/04:183LBS; 01/30/04:157LBS/ ClothesTooBig; 02/04/04:Walked 7miles; 04/04/04: 146LBS; Plateau, Heart Problems, Painful Joints, Problems Walking, BurnOut.

Chapter 3: Starting Over... Weight: 153LBS. Have gained 7LBS with this burn out. Need to retrain myself to think thin...

STEP ONE: Truth/ Acceptance/ Gratitude/ Forgiveness/ Committment.

TOOLS NEEDED: Scale, Calendar, Full-Length Mirror, Childhood Picture, Journal.

DIRECTIONS: Weigh self. Write weight on calendar. Stand naked in front of full-length mirror and take a good look at your body, front and back. Thank your body for what it has done for you so far. Apologize to your body for what you have done to it. Take time to say goodbye to the pounds you are about to lose. Ask your body to be patient with you as you start your journey one more time. Get dressed. Take your childhood picture and put it in a nice frame where you can see it everyday. Bless the child you used to be. Hug the child and nurture her as if she were your little girl. That little girl deserves to be loved and she deserves to be happy. Commit to helping her to find her way. Keep track of your progress in your journal, adding visual aids and affirmations.

Late entry: Still having problems with hip joints, but was able to slowly walk one mile. Better to walk slowly than not to walk at all. Thank you, Lord, for helping me to walk tonight.

Saturday, June 19, 2004

The Woman in the Glass Box is only sleeping...

SeqBLHLMWGD03.jpg (60063 bytes)

Because of my plateau and because of health problems, I stopped reaching for my goal and became burned out. I am not one to quit, but I had to take a time out. This week, I have found the inspiration that I needed by joining an AOL WeightLoss group. Sharing your journal is something very personal, like allowing someone to see you naked, like peeling back the layers of your life. Sounds scary; doesnt it? And yet, these ladies have allowed me to sneak a peek at their worlds and now their pain, their joys, and their hopes are intertwined with mine. I pray that I may be worthy of this great gift that they have placed into my life: the gift of friendship, of trust, of hope, of inspiring, and of being inspired.


Friday, June 18, 2004

Today's 3rd Entry

Picture from Hometown

Weekend Assignment #10: Congratulations! You've been given one million dollars. What would you do with it? But wait! There's more -- seems you've been given two million dollars. Would you do anything different with the second million than you would with the first?

For the purposes of this assignment, assume that you've got two million after taxes -- so you don't have to worry about Uncle Sam and your state and local governments dipping into your pot of cash. Also, you've got it all at once -- no installment plans.

(Extra Credit: If you had two million not to keep but to donate to a charity, which charity and why?)

Ironic that this weekend's weekend assignment is exactly what I had been thinking about, because it has been prophesized recently that I will be receiving some money! Normally, I would think one million dollars is a lot of money, but after watching Austin Powers, it seems that Dr Evil was laughed at because he thought it was a lot of money. =.) Still... What would I do with it?!!

1. Quit my job.

2. Go out to eat seafood. =.)

3. Hire someone to clean my closet. =.)

4. Pay off my debts and get my stuff out of layaway at Wal-Mart.

5. Put money away for my grandchildren's college education.

6. Build a house in Rockport, Texas, with a library loft and a skylight in the bedroom so I can sleep under the stars.

7. Get my things out of storage and find a place for them in my new home. =.)

8. Buy a new car.

9. Lift all of my body parts that have been affected by gravity. =.)

10. Take a real vacation that doesnt involve cleaning closets. =.) I would love to see Egypt and Michelangelo's work @ the Sistine Chapel.

11. Buy art supplies and an easel. Take art lessons. Maybe open up an art gallery with a coffee shop and a live jazz band.

12. Write a book or several.

13. Learn sign language.

14. Start sewing again. Make myself some new clothes. Maybe open up a boutique and antique store where people can meet to quilt and sell their homemade items.

15. Spend a day with Oprah and give her a hug.

16. Meet Richard Gere and ask him if he would like to come over to my new home to eat seafood and look at the stars. =.)

17. Meet some of my AOL journal buddies and invite them over for a pot-luck barbecue or something. =.)

18. Build houses for my children and their families.

19.Do volunteer work.

21. Invent something?

22. Make a will.

23. Start a support group for millionaires who dont know what to do with their money. Learn about investments and see how I can prosper from that second million.

EXTRA CREDIT:  When I did investigations in child abuse, I saw many children who's faces were disfigured from abuse or neglect. I would donate to Changing Faces. It is a charity that helps people who's faces are disfigured. To learn more about Changing Faces or to donate to Changing Faces, click on the green Changing faces above and it will take you there..

Today's 2nd Entry

Thanks for the homework, Tracy! Here's my responses...

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE WHERE WOULD IT BE?  Rockport, Corpus Christi, or Galveston? 
I usually start with accessories and then look for what to wear with them. You'd swear I'm part Chinese. I even read magazines backwards. I'd say my favorite is my black dress. It's very 1930s and very sexy. It's too hot to wear it now, though. Sighh
Actually, before she stole it... Norah Jones.
In front of the ocean and/or where they play jazz.
5:30 a.m.
Toss up between the blender and the microwave.
I never learned to play piano, because my piano teacher lost her sight. I would like to learn to play guitar because you can take it anywhere, but when it comes to instruments, there is nothing more exotic or as passionate as the saxophone.
Funny you should ask that because I have been having a fit lately, going through my closet and analyzingwhat I need to get rid of and why there are more fall and winter colors in my closet when I live in a tropical climate! My favorite color is purple, but I have clothing colors according to holidays and I blend them with black because black just looks classy and is easier to match. I seem to reach more for rich colors like royal purple, royal blue, navy, and burgundy. I dont know if they are the colors I am supposed to wear. I just like them, but I think I am an autumn, because I look good in greens and brown, but people have also told me that I am a summer. Who knows?! LOL
I like it to be cool, because I like to dress like a lady with cute purses, scarfs, and gloves and hats are awesome, too. I like rich and exotic fabrics like suede, velvet, and leather.
I'm already a SUPERHERO =.), but I would like to be able to fly like superman. Xray vision might not be so bad, either! Where you at, Richard Gere? =.)
I dont have a tattoo but I wouldnt mind getting one where only somebody special would be allowed to see it. I think I would get a  small butterfly because it is a symbol of life and metamorphisis.
I agree w/ Tracy. I juggle with my life, too.
my dad. He died when I was a baby. I would love to know him and talk to him and put my arms around him.
Any day off that turns out to be a three-day weekend.
Spare tire, jack, cables, blanket, bottle of water.
Love avocado sushi, esp if you are paying. =.)
Betty Boop
to take a real vacation that doesnt involve cleaning out closets.
They are my gift to the world. I want them to make a difference and to leave their mark in the world.
24. YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE?  Within me lives a SUPERHERO who is swift and strong and comes to the aid of those who need her. I prefer, however, to wear my cape only around my closest friends. =.)

Singing the Blues

A fellow AOL journalist writes the following concerning her weight loss challenge:

As for my impairments, I was really referring to things like getting out of breath, trying to walk and talk at the same time, starting to find my knees aren't up to the challenge of supporting all of the weight I'm putting on them,  especially when it comes to climbing down stairs.

That was me, too, up to when I started losing the weight. I know my 37 lb weight loss might not sound like much to some, but I am at an age when my metabolism doesnt work and my hormones are out of wack (age 50) and I am only 4'11". I dont want to be skinny. I only want to look like Marilyn Monroe. LOL...


B: 1-1/2 c cooked 3min oatmeal w/cinnamon and pkt sweetener.

S: Cup coffee w/milk and sweetener.

L: Lemon chicken w/rosemary, garlic powder, and basil (drumstick and thigh), microwave baked potato w/I Cant Believe Its Not Butter spray and dash Treschas Chile Powder for Fruits & Vegetables, Salad of lettuce, cucumber and tomato w/small amt of Kraft Free Thousand Island, Iced Cold Brew Tea w/Lemon.

S: Fresh pear. Yummm

D: 2 chicken tacos on warmed corn tortilla (not fried) w/ pico de gallo and lettuce, iced tea w/lemon, sugar-free jello.

S: handful of unshelled peanuts.

Notes: I'm off today, so I am able to take the time to cook. Ahhh I miss eating this way.... I dont know how some people can count carbs or calories, because that sounds too complicated for me. Just dieting is challenging enough for me. LOL... I just try to eat healthy.

Colors play a big part in our world. The color blue is said to be helpful in losing weight. I have a plastic set of dishes in four different summer colors. I will experiment eating only out of the blue set and see how it goes. I havent weighed myself in awhile, but I know Ive regained some of the weight because my clothes fit tight. Sighhh... Some people lose 5,000 lbs in their lifetime. I think I'm one of them.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Seeds of Faith...

I havent responded to AOL wanting to feature my journal, because I dont feel that I deserve the honor. I was losing weight so steady in the beginning, but at that time, AOL hadnt noticed my journal. Their wanting a picture was equally frustrating, because not being able to find someone to take my picture made me realize how alone I am in the world, although I do value my independence and I do like living alone.

It appears that my plateau happened about the time my doctor diagnosed me with heart problems. He hasnt been able to provide me with the right dosage for my thyroid, either, but it seems that I was losing weight when I wasnt taking any thyroid medication. Sometimes I wonder if I should just stop taking it, because it isnt helping at all. Also, because I fell last year, I continue to have excrutiating pain in my hip joints and in my lower back, so I havent been able to go walking in a great while, which is probably the reason why instead of continuing to lose weight, I am regaining what I have tried so hard at losing. Oh, so sad when your health gets in the way of your goals.

Oddly enough, my journal seems to continue to inspire, because I have been invited to join an AOL weightloss support group. I hope to make a lot of great friends there.

Right now, my faith is about as small as a mustard seed, but the Lord tells me that is all I need. =.)

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Miracle Diet

I was inspired by the following diet I found in another journal. Perhaps, you will be inspired to try it, too! =.)

THE NEW TODDLER MIRACLE DIET...  Over the years, you may have noticed, as I have, that most two-year-olds are trim. It came to me one day over a glass of water and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason. After consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and distraught Moms, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive, offering great variety and sufficient quantity. Before embarking on this diet, however, be sure to check with your doctor. Otherwise, you might have to see him afterward. Good luck!


Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly.

Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi.

Bedtime snack: Toast a piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor.


Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch: Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug.

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril.

Pour grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.


Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair.

Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair.

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch.


Breakfast: A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive.

Pour a glass of milk over bowl of Cornflakes, add a half cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch: Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate and mash with forehead. Stick of mascara for dessert.

Monday, June 14, 2004


My brain doesnt want to register that I still need to lose some more weight. My body wants to eat whatever it wants. That sounds logical!  Maybe I just need to forget the idea of always having to be on a diet and just eat normal. I was healthy when I ate normal. Depriving my body of foods makes my brain sad! Sighhh...

Oh well... need to go make the money...


Win =.)

Saturday, June 12, 2004

Blinded by glaucoma at 7, orphaned at 15, 2 failed marriages, single for 52 yrs

I just want to make my mark, leave something musically good behind."
-Ray Charles in a Washington Post interview, 1983

Deteriorating rapidly after a hip replacement last year, Ray Charles was diagnosed with a failing liver, but kept on working on what would be his last CD, "Genius Loves Company." Surrounded by family and friends, Charles died of acute liver disease at his Beverly Hills home at 11:35 am. Charles, who was divorced twice and single since 1952, was survived by 12 children, 20 grandchildren and five great-grandchildren.

Ray Charles Robinson was born Sept. 23, 1930, in Albany, Ga. (He later dropped his last name for the stage, in deference to boxer Sugar Ray Robinson.) Charles began dabbling in music at age 3, encouraged by a cafe owner who played the piano. Charles began losing his sight at age 5. Although Charles was influenced by many musical greats including Duke Ellington and Count Basie, jazz greats Art Tatum and Artie Shaw, the most influential persons in his life were the local piano player/cafe owner and his mother. His mother encouraged his independence, preparing him for the day when he would be totally blind. Thus, Charles indicates that when he was blinded by glaucoma at age 7, it was not a traumatic experience because he was prepared for it. Orphaned at age 15, however, Charles became severely depressed at the passing of his brother and his mother and that depression could have stopped history, but a family friend reminded Charles that his mother would have wanted him to go on. This could have been the end of Ray Charles Robinson, but it was only the beginning of a 58-year career  for Ray Charles. 

He put his stamp on it all with a deep, warm voice roughened by heartbreak from a hardscrabble childhood in the segregated South. Smiling and swaying behind the piano, grunts and moans peppering his songs, Charles' appeal spanned generations. His first big hit was 1959's ''What'd I Say,'' a song built off a simple piano riff with suggestive moaning from the Raeletts. Some U.S. radio stations banned the song, but Charles was on his way to stardom. He was called ''The Genius'' and was playing at Carnegie Hall and the Newport Jazz Festival

Charles won nine of his 12 Grammy Awardsbetween 1960 and 1966, including the best R&B recording three consecutive years (''Hit the Road Jack,'' ''I Can't Stop Loving You'' and ''Busted'').His versions of other songs are also well known, including ''Makin' Whoopee'' and a stirring ''America the Beautiful,'' which he sang for the late President Reagan at his 1985 inaugural ball

His last Grammy came in 1993 for ''A Song for You,'' but he never dropped out of the music scene until illness sidetracked him last summer.

Ray Charles could have given up when he became blind at age 7. He could have given up at the age of 15 when he lost his little brother and his mother. He could have given up when both of his marriages failed. He could have given up in his loneliness of being single for 52 years of his life. The broken pieces of his life added to his addiction to heroin, but getting arrested at the airport made him see the light at quitting his 20-year addiction "cold turkey." What remarkable strength! Whether or not he realized it, Ray Charles used music as therapy for his troubles and in the end, his music inspires us to believe that no matter what life brings us, it takes courage to pick ourselves up after one fall but even more courage to pick ourselves up after many of life's obstacles and falls.

Ray Charles

By the time I was seven, I was completely blind. That's when I went to St. Augustine's school for the blind.Strangely enough, losing my sight wasn't quite as bad as you'd think, because my mom conditioned me for the day that I would be totally blind. When the doctors told her that I was gradually losing my sight, and that I wasn't going to get any better, she started helping me deal with it by showing me how to get around, how to find things. That made it a little bit easier to deal with. My mother was awful smart, even though she'd only gotten to fourth grade. She had knowledge all her own; knowledge of human nature, plus plenty of common sense.

I wasn't quite 15 when my mama died. That was the most devastating thing in my whole experience -- bar nothing, period. It happened while I was away at school, and they didn't want to tell me about it. They just called me in to the principal's office and said that I needed to go home right away. When I got there I found out from Miss Mary Jane, a lady that helped my mom raise me and take care of me; she gave me the news. From that moment on, I was completely in another world. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep -- I was totally out of it. There's no way to describe how I actually felt. I was truly a lost child.

The big problem was I couldn't cry; I couldn't get the sorrow out of my system, and that made things worse. Now, there was an old lady in town we called Ma Beck. She was the kind of lady that --well, everybody in town used to say that if there was a heaven, she was certainly going to be there when she passed. Anyway, this elderly woman saw the trauma I was going through. So she took me aside one day and said, "Son, you know that I knew your mama. And I know how she tried to raise you. And I know she always taught you to carry on. I also know she told you she wanted you to know how to get around and be independent. Because she knew she wasn't always gonna be with you. Didn't she tell you that?"

I said, "Yes ma'am'" and started to tear up. And Ma Beck kept after me. "Well, then, you also know that your mamma didn't want you going around just doing nothing and feeling sorry for yourself, 'cause that's not the way she brought you up. Isn't that right?" I said, "Yes, ma'am," and more tears came out. Now this elderly lady, she knew everything about me, including my sorrow over my brother's death. She made me realize that it wasn't my fault, and told me that I couldn't go through life blaming myself.

That episode with Ma Beck shook me out of my depression. It really started me on my way. After that I told myself that I must do what my mom would have expected me to do. And so the two greatest tragedies in my life -- losing my brother and then my mom -- were, strangely enough, extraordinarily positive for me. What I've accomplished since then, really, grows out of my coming to terms with those events.

Friday, June 11, 2004

Ronald Reagan 1911-2004

I learned from my father the value of hard work and ambition, and maybe a little something about telling a story. From my mother, I learned the value of prayer, how to have dreams and believe I could make them come true. My parents constantly drummed into me the importance of judging people as individuals. There was no more grievous sin at our household than a racial slur or other evidence of religious or racial intolerance. 

Born the son of an alcoholic shoe salesman. On the day of his birth, his father commented that he looked like a fat little dutchman but might grow up to be President someday.

Reagans Mowing the Lawn

This is how the President cuts the grass. Shown here with his beautiful wife of 52 years, Nancy. Ronald and Nancy Reagan wore the color red often, Nancy's favorite color. Below, the President and The First Lady eat at the White House in 1981. They look like simple folk; dont they? Makes you almost believe that someday you could be President, too!


Key Dates in Life of 40th President Ronald Reagan 

Feb. 6, 1911: Born in Tampico, Ill., younger of two sons of Nellie and John Reagan.

1932: Graduates from Eureka College, Eureka, Ill.

1932-1937: Works as radio announcer at WOC, Davenport, Iowa, and then WHO, Des Moines.

1937: Makes film debut with "Love Is on the Air."

Jan. 26, 1940: Marries Jane Wyman, actress. Children: Maureen, born 1941, Michael, born 1945, and Christine, born four months premature in 1947 and died the next day. Marriage ends in divorce in 1949.

1940: Plays "the Gipper" in "Knute Rockne: All-American," one of his best-known roles.

1942-45: Serves war effort by making air force training films.

1947: Becomes president of the Screen Actors Guild.

March 4, 1952. Marries Nancy Davis, actress. Children: Patti, born 1952, and Ronald, born 1958.

1952, 1956, 1960: Though a Democrat, campaigns for Republicans Dwight D. Eisenhower, Richard Nixon. Formally switches to Republican Party in 1962.

1954-62: Works as host and performer on General Electric Theater, tours as speaker for GE.

Oct. 27, 1964: Gives influential speech in favor of GOP presidential candidate Barry Goldwater.

Nov. 8, 1966: Elected California governor over incumbent Democrat Edmund G. "Pat" Brown.

1968: Makes last-minute bid for Republican presidential nomination.

Nov. 3, 1970: Elected to second term as governor.

1976: Challenges President Ford unsuccessfully in the Republican primaries.

Nov. 4, 1980: Elected president over incumbent Jimmy Carter, garnering 51.6 percent of the popular vote to 41.7 percent for Carter and 6.7 percent for independent John Anderson.

Jan. 20, 1981: Sworn in as 40th president of the United States. Iranian hostages released.

March 30, 1981: Wounded by one of six shots fired as he left a Washington hotel after giving a speech.

June 5, 1981: The AIDS crisis begins when the U.S. Centers for Disease Control reports five gay men in Los Angeles are suffering from a rare pneumonia.

July 7, 1981: Announces he is nominating Arizona judge Sandra Day O'Connor to become the first female justice on the U.S. Supreme Court.

August 1981: Fires more than 11,000 air traffic controllers after they go out on strike against the Federal Aviation Administration.

Oct. 23, 1983: 241 U.S. Marines and sailors are killed in a suicide truck-bombing in Lebanon.

Oct. 25, 1983: U.S. troops invade island of Grenada after a leftist coup there.

Nov. 6, 1984: Re-elected, besting former Vice President Walter Mondale with nearly 60 percent of the popular vote. He took 49 out of 50 states for an Electoral College vote of 525-13, the most lopsided since Franklin Roosevelt defeated Alf Landon in 1936.

May 5, 1985: Visits German military cemetery at Bitburg as a gesture of reconciliation, inciting worldwide protests because 49 of Adolf Hitler's dreaded Waffen SS troops are buried there.

July 13, 1985: Undergoes successful surgery for colon cancer.

Nov. 19-21, 1985: Summit in Geneva with Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev. Reagan calls it a "fresh start" in U.S.-Soviet relations.

April 15, 1986: United States launches an air raid against Libya in response to the bombing of a discotheque in Berlin 10 days earlier. Libya says 37 people, mostly civilians, were killed.

Oct. 11-12, 1986: Summit in Reykjavik, Iceland, on arms reduction, U.S. strategic defense initiative or "Star Wars."

November 1986: The Iran-Contra affair becomes public. White House admits selling arms to Iran but denies it sold arms for hostages. Later in the month, Reagan announces aide Oliver North has been fired and national security adviser John Poindexter has resigned. It is disclosed that up to $30 million in arms-sale profits were diverted to Nicaraguan rebels, known as the Contras.

March 4, 1987: Reagan acknowledges in a televised speech that his Iranian initiative deteriorated into an arms-for-hostages deal, saying, "It was a mistake."

Oct. 23, 1987: Senate rejects Reagan's nomination of Robert H. Bork for the Supreme Court.

Dec. 8-10, 1987: Summit in Washington. Reagan, Gorbachev sign treaty to eliminate intermediate-range nuclear forces, but disagreement over Star Wars blocks progress on a strategic arms reduction treaty.

May 29-June 2, 1988: Summit in Moscow. Reagan, Gorbachev exchange ratified texts of the INF treaty, discuss strategic and conventional arms and stroll in Red Square.

Nov. 8, 1988: Reagan's vice president, George H.W. Bush, defeats Massachusetts Gov. Michael Dukakis for the presidency.

Dec. 7, 1988: Summit in New York City. Gorbachev's plan to reduce Soviet armed forces is discussed. President-elect Bush takes part.

January 1989: Returns to California after second term ends.

November 1990: Publishes his memoir, "An American Life."

Nov. 4, 1991: Reagan presidential library in Simi Valley, Calif., dedicated; with President Bush and former Presidents Reagan, Carter, Ford and Nixon in attendance.

Nov. 5, 1994: Discloses he had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.

Jan. 12, 2001: Breaks his hip in a fall at his home.

March 4, 2001: Christening of the aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan.

Aug. 8, 2001: Daughter Maureen dies of cancer.

Oct. 11, 2001: Becomes the longest-lived president ever, having lived 33,120 days. The nation's second chief executive, John Adams, lived 33,119 days, from 1735 to 1826.

July 12, 2003: U.S. Navy commissions its newest aircraft carrier, the USS Ronald Reagan, the first carrier to be named for a living president.

06/05/04 17:01 EDT

Tuesday, June 8, 2004

Running late

Cant believe how much time has past since last entry. I've been getting up late and going to sleep early. Hope I'm not getting sick. Ughhh... Will write more later....

Wednesday, June 2, 2004

Today's Diet

Woke up late. Didnt have time to do Body Flex this morning.

B: Herbalife shake w/ frozen strawberries, ice, 1 packet equal

S: 1/2 Chocolate Chunk Granola Bar, 1 c coffee w/equal.

L: Subway Turkey on Wheat w/ all Veggies, Diet Coke.

D: Homemade enchiladas w/ Mexican cheese and onions.

S: 1/2 Chocolate Chunk Granola Bar w/ glass milk.

Note: Ate this evening because full moon is tonight @ 11: 20 p.m.  I was disappointed that Subway only has certain sandwiches on special, but I was not surprised that several people in line behind me also bought the special after they heard me order. LOL... For those of you who asked, Herbalife shakes have lots of vitamins and they are made with soy which is the secret of oriental women for looking young. I like the vanilla, because it tastes like a sinful treat when I add other ingredients to it. =.)

Tuesday, June 1, 2004

151 lbs

Tomorrow is another full moon. Need to find out the time for it. Today, I'm getting back to basics:

AM: Body Flex+ Exercises.

B: Herbalife vanilla shake+frozen strawberries+ice+ 1packet equal.

1 c. coffee

S: almonds

L: Subway Turkey Breast on Wheat w/all the veggies & Honey Mustard, diet coke.

S: almonds

D: Herbalife vanila shake+frozen strawberries+ice+1packet equal.

P.S. Subway special this month: sub and drink @ $2.25! Cheaper than packing a lunch and so tasty and healthy, too. =.) Have so much to do tonite. Wont be able to go for a walk today.

P.S.S. Tomorrow's full moon is @ 11:20 p.m. EST...That's 9:20 p.m. my time.