Saturday, April 30, 2005

Man in a Bottle?!



How cool is this? A man in a bottle! Hummmm.... could he be the one for the Woman in the Glass Box?! Perhaps that is why I havent been able to find him yet!

I am trying hard to make some sense out of all this catastrophe that, in recent years, seems to be more centered around my physical body... poor health, the fall last year at work, the recent fall last week, dropping things, things constantly falling to the floor all by themselves, waking up to feeling someone staring at me in my sleep, waking up with difficulties breathing because it feels like someone is sitting on my chest, feeling as if life has been sucked out of me, feeling so motivated but unable to fulfill my goals, relationships that start out fine but never last for long, jealous friends, and waking up to feeling someone making love to me in the middle of the night when there is no one there... It seems that the only thing I have been able to keep up with is the journal writing, but even that has been frustrating, with computer problems and pictures disappearing. 

No matter what the doctors say, I have always proved every one of them wrong. The times they said I was doomed to die... the times they said I would never walk... the times they said I would never lose weight... I proved every single one of them wrong.             

Dont give up! If you did it once, you can do it again! If you did it more than once, you're living proof that impossible is not a word in your vocabulary. Remember? Remember?! You remember!                          

Friday, April 29, 2005

Heavy Burdens

Girl-holding-glass-of-waterHow heavy do you think this glass of water is?
It doesnt matter how heavy it is. What matters is how long you hold on to it.

If I hold it for a minute, it is OK.
If I hold it for an hour, I will have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you will have to call an ambulance.
It is the exact same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.

If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, we will not be able to carry on, the burden becoming increasingly heavier.

When things weigh you down, allow yourself time to put that burden down for a moment, rest for awhile, and then come back to it. Allowing yourself time to do this may allow you the opportunity to see things in a different light, to pick up where you left off, and/or just make it easier to carry on.

No tengas miedo.
Mira al cielo...
Siempre en FE. ~ Tony Melendez

Tony Melendez~ born without arms. Plays guitar with his toes and a club foot. Sang and played guitar for Pope John Paul.

(Be not afraid. Look to heaven... always in faith.)

Wednesday, April 27, 2005



With Magda joining us and Johnny leaving us, the week didnt start out good for dieting, because we have been bringing in goodies. Today is Johnny's last day. I made roast, Spanish rice, green beans, and brownies. 


To top it off, today was secretary's day. We are having chocolate cake tomorrow.               

Monday, April 25, 2005

Girl Friends


I talked to my best friend on the phone yesterday. Belle lives in Corpus Christi, and she keeps trying to get me to go back to Corpus. It is clear that my heart is by the sea.

As you may remember, my best friend will be receiving her Master's degree in May. Talking with her is like regressing into my youth. It's like a couple of little kids at camp ~ all girltalk and giggles and reminiscing over old times and potential boyfriends. Of course, she got all over my case, because I was her inspiration to return to school in the first place. Because of my example, she decided to return to school to try for her Master's. I stopped going to classes, because of the distance, but mostly because the expense comes out of my own pocket and it just got to be too expensive. Belle was fortunate that her employer paid her tuition and books. She has completed all of her classes and now she can breathe and recooperate until graduation day. I am so overjoyed for her. She has worked so hard for this. 

Her graduation is only about two weeks away. Where has the time gone?! I wasnt paying attention and time just slipped by like a thistle in the wind. It is sad that I will not be able to fit into the suit that I wanted to wear to her graduation. I will have to find something else to wear. It's my fault for eating too much at night, I know, I know. Bad Win, bad! As for exercise, well, I tried to wear my heels today, but my leg and my hip still hurt from my fall last week. I dont know if I will be able to walk tonight, but I am going to try to walk for at least 15 minutes.


Belle hasnt exercised or gone to church since she returned to school, which is about three years. When I saw her last, I was surprised that she had gained weight and that I was thinner than she was, but since then, I have gained weight. She says she has started walking and has already lost a few pounds. It would be nice to lose a few pounds before her graduation. I will try.

My friend, Magda, was transferred from the office where I used to work at. She is going to replace the man that will be leaving us on Wednesday. It will be sad to let Johnny go, because he is my puzzle buddy, my joking buddy, my chocolate buddy, my coffee drinking buddy. He is just an awesome personality. But I am glad that it is Magda who will be joining us. The manager at the other office is the reason why we have all left that center: Magda, the receptionist, and I. She says that she lost 30 lbs from all the stress at the other center. It is a lot of work and it is hard when someone is out, because we have very few staff, but after only one day, Magda has already noticed the difference.

An hour spent in the company of friends is worth more than ten hours spent in the company of strangers. ~ Chinese Fortune Cookie

Sunday, April 24, 2005

House by the Sea

House by the Sea<br />(10 x 16 in.)

               ~ Artwork by D. Morgan

Never, never get mad at your boss and walk out on your job, because you never know what lies ahead.

Visiting Mary's journal brought back memories of the two years when we were homeless... giving away precious memories to the Salvation Army that you can never replace, finding a storage unit that you can afford to store what you can, throwing away things because you have nowhere to put them. It is so painful. It is worse than a divorce.

Depending on others has never been a good choice for me, and this was just another example of why depending on my family is a big no-no.

My cousin poked me in both eyes, offering to fix her used car (never happened), and transplanting you to a place full of prejudice that only recognizes you if you are black or white. Who would believe that in our time and age, prejudice is still so strong in some states, but it is. Imagine a college graduate not being able to get a job anywhere because of the color of my skin. It's not as if it was a long time ago, either; it happened in 1990. My cousin did not want me to get ahead, she wanted to use me as a babysitter and housekeeper so that she could progress.

My cousin didnt like it, but she wasnt doing anything to help us, so I took a job as a hostess at a restaurant, and we moved in with a waitress from work. The waitress had too many men at her apartment, though, even a naked one that she had to hide in our room, because she had another man yelling at her at the front door. I was lucky that my daughter was asleep when that happened, but I had to move out, because I didnt think it was save for us.

I left that job, moved into a small trailer, and found a job, walking up and down a hill to work as a breakfast cook at McDonald's. So much prejudice! I couldnt even get a job at Wal-Mart. Wearing a McDonald's uniform everyday is not exactly my cup of tea, but it was a job.

FACT: Some of the most successful people in life have worked for McDonald's.

The kids on the bus would make fun of my daughter and tell her that she was black, because she was not white. Such ignorant people who dont recognize other races. It was so sad to see her go through that, but we worked through it as best we could. And then I got sick. I got so sick, walking through the elements to work, that I began to cough up blood... no transporation and no one to take me to the doctor, even my family refused to take me. I talked to my daughter and told her that this was not a good place for us. I told her that I didnt know how we were going to do this, but that I thought it best if we returned to Corpus Christi. It was a scary decision to make, but at least they have a bus system, and there was no way that I was going to be stuck living this way for the rest of my life. 

When we got to Corpus, I bought a newspaper and took a job as a nanny and housekeeper. The job paid only $50.00 a week: housekeeping for a two story house, taking care of two really bad brats, cooking and laundry. It was so much work, but at least my daughter and I had a roof over our heads. I didnt have to pay rent or utilities, so whatever I made, I saved until I could afford to get another car and get a better job.

I have been working since the age of five and I have had many jobs in my lifetime. I have a bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice and I am a qualified mental health professional and a certified Positive Steps instructor, and all of these things I have been able to accomplish without help from family or a husband. I have worked with crisis intervention, rape victims, criminals, domestic violence, done investigations and collected evidence, prevented countless people from committing suicide, stabilized so many mentally ill patients and taught them how to survive outside of the mental hospital, and assisted so many people to lead more productive lives.

I would say God planted me at my current job, because in my past, I was an expert at being unemployed. It seems as if I was always getting laid off and the jobs that Godblessed me with, I walked away from, because I wasnt going to take the way I was treated. In your mind you may think that you are proving a point, but companies dont care if you walk away, because they can always find someone else to take your place. They might not do as great a job as you did, but all they want is someone to do the job.

Too many people go from job to job and from paycheck to paycheck. So many people think that a good job is a job that pays more, but when that job ends, they have no skills to take to another job. Because they are young, they use their body strength to help them get ahead, but in time, the body gives out. Whatsmore, the more money people make, the more money they spend, and then, they refuse to take less pay, because they do not believe that they can survive on less money. Some men dont want their wives to work, and then something happens to the relationship or something happens to the husband and he is unable to work. Suddenly, the wife is stuck with no skills and no idea what to do. It's not fair to the wife and it's not fair to the children. 

Whenever I look back at my life, I must remember that if I can help so many other people, I need to be just as kind and gentle with myself, because I am just as important as anybody else that I choose to help. Whenever I look back at my life, I remember all of the mistakes that I have made. Some people say that they dont know why bad things happen to good people. Bad things happen to good people to equip them with the tools they need to help others who are going through the same things that you experienced.  

It only takes one person to change a life.

Never, never do an act of kindness to get something in return. Do it because it is the right thing to do.

I was a stranger in my own mother's house. I was a stranger in my ex-husband's house. My house was nothing great, but how I miss my house by the sea. It brings me memories of sadness, because it was the place that I was able to call "home" and it was the only place where I felt that I belonged. I lost my house because of pride, and I didnt get a cent from it, but I thank the Lord that did get some sense from that experience. 

Where I am now is not where I choose to be, but for now, this is where God wants me to be. I do not know if I will ever find another place to call home. I no longer live by the sea, but at least I have a view of the pool. (smile)

Heaven's a little closer... in a house by the sea. ~ D.Morgan

To walk along the beach, the sun against your face, feels every bit as sweet as the warmth of an embrace. ~ D.Morgan                                              

Our legacy in life we cannot retrieve-- Our mark is surely made... the footprints that we leave. ~ D.Morgan

                                                                                                Walk Along The Beach<br />(10 x 10 in.)

Friday, April 22, 2005


                            BARRON'S THE COCKATIEL HANDBOOK

I got dressed for work yesterday morning and was on my way out the door when my cockatiel started screaming, "Feed me! Feed me!"

Birdseed in my hand, I tripped, knocked over the chair, and landed on top of the chair. I hurt my right ankle, my knee, and my right hand. My bird put her head down as if to say, "I'm sorry." She looked so full of guilt.

If I were telling this story to my mother, she would have asked if the chair was ok. It's funny that the older lady at work asked me the same thing. I tell you, it's like working with my mother! STRESSSSSS... no wonder I'm having a hard time losing weight this time around. =.)

Yes, I got a pretty good push from my self-talk yesterday, but I couldnt go out and walk, as I had planned, because of the fall. I was so unbalanced that I almost fell again on the other side of the room. I called my boss and stayed home yesterday morning, but it was Worker Profile day, so I told him I would be back in the afternoon.

After lunch, I almost killed myself again, driving. I was traveling behind a car who passed a car in front of him. The car in front of him had Mexico plates and was traveling 15 miles per hour on the expressway. Because the car was out of sight in front of the car that was in front of me, it felt like the car came out of nowhere, and it was hard to slow down in back of him.

The angels were definitely with me!

With all of this stuff happening, I felt like I should go back home, go back to sleep, and come back the next day instead, but I managed to get to work.

Friends are angels who help us to our feet when our own wings have forgotten how to fly.


I am beautifully and wonderfully made by my Creator. I am the Woman in the Glass Box. 

Thursday, April 21, 2005



Wow! Not your average Iris; is it?! I ran out of soap and reached for one of the soaps that a friend gave me for Christmas a couple of years ago. The soaps are of all kinds of flowers and I dont have many of them left. I should have saved the boxes or at least written down what they mean! I picked one at random, and it was the Iris. This is what it said on the back of the box.

September. IRIS/ Healing: Increases Receptivity to Human Love and Helps Heal Feelings of Separation. Well, no separation to talk about, although I am still thinking about my lunch date. It was funny how the first thing that came out of his mouth was that he didnt want to get married. Like I asked him?! LOL... And living with his mom... a boss man with no responsiblity?! Still looking for adventure and going through mid-life crisis. Nope... not the right guy for moi.

Writing in my journal at night is not working. I need motivation in the a.m., which makes it harder to write in my journal in the morning, with this new hairstyle taking more time than I want and continued computer problems. Ughhh... Unfortunately, my computer does not have enough memory to accept AOL 9.0, and so, why am I still on AOL?! Because I am on 7.0, I cannot get anti-spy protection or anti-popup protection. It is a shame that I am paying the same as everybody else with less features. Double-sigh...

Does that mean that I have to give up watching Everybody Loves Raymond in the evening so that I can wake up earlier to write in my journal? That's my stress relief! I need it! In case you didnt know from reading my journal, I am Robert, but unlike Robert, I dont live with my parents. That's right. I am not the favorite, but there is no need to fret over it, because at least, my mother is consistant; right?!

Opening up my emails, it seems that Spiritual guy is either reading my mind or reading my journal, because he is always on track as to what is going on in my life. (Tickle!)

HOPE is faith holding out it's hand in the dark. ~ George Ilses

In my mailbox:

Each day’s a brand new day. We’re different today than we were yesterday. And tomorrow, different again. Don’t give up now. You’ve only just begun. You’re going to be fine, don’t worry. You can do it.
Just let go, and let the Spirit of God envelope you. Let the Holy One hold you in its arms, protecting you from any real harm. ~ Norris Chumley



The Iris is available for sale @ $9.95 @ 

Tuesday, April 19, 2005


I met him for lunch today. So many butterflies, trying to figure out what to wear and worried about how my hair would behave. It's always hard meeting someone you have never met. I was so nervous that I left the apartment without my glasses. I had to return to get them.

I was disappointed when I saw him. He is very thin and very short, and what's worse, he lives with his mother and he never took his hat off while we ate. He told me that I am beautiful, but I wonder if he was disappointed, too. 

Ate too much for supper. Bad Win, bad! No need to be nervous. He's just a man and he's not even your type. Sighhh...

A man who has no imagination has no wings. ~ Muhammad Ali

I am very disappointed on my last entry. No matter how many times I try to add pictures, they keep disappearing. It's a shame, too, because I chose really nice pictures of Selena.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Como La Flor


     Selena Quintanilla-Perez   

                                16Apr1971 - 31Mar1995

I had already completed yesterday's entry when I realized that it was April 16th... Selena's birthday. 

What I remember most about Selena was her spunk and how humble she was. In spite of her fame and her wealth, Selena and her family continued to live in the poorest hispanic neighborhood in Corpus Christi, Texas. I ran into her downtown a couple of times because we used to go to the same store to look at the shoes. The shoes at that store were very funky. We would try on different pairs and just laugh. She had such a beautiful laugh, and like me, she was always smiling. People always think that I havent a care in the world because I am always smiling, but like me, I am sure she must have had her moments..


What people dont mention about Selena is that she did a lot for the community. I dont know why people dont recognize the little things. Because she was always on the road, Selena didnt get a chance to live a normal childhood. She received her high school diploma through themail. Because of this, she visited nearby schools to perform and to encourage children to stay in school. She also played softball to raise money for charity. Another thing that you might not know is that Selena was a pin up girl for Coca~Cola. She wore a size 4.


I was surprised that Selena's character and mine are very much alike. The difference is that I have no fame or wealth! =.) Selena liked to design clothing and her favorite flower was the white rose. Selena cut her own grass, pushing an ordinary lawn mower, even after she could afford to get someone to cut it for her. What I was most surprised to hear is that, whenever she saw an elderly lady eating by herself, she would pick up the bill anonymously. I thought I was the only one who did that. It's rare to find someone famous with whom you can have so many things in common. She was just a girl with a dream. =.)

Selena opened a lot of doors for women in the music industry. She is affectionately remembered as the white rose of the latin community, who like a flower, gave us so much love through her music and her song. 

Statue of Selena overlooking the Corpus Christi bay

Selena is a reflection of the vibrant, creative woman that I was in my youth. I need to get out my sewing machine and my art, and I need to allow my heart to love again.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Alternative Reality

Alternative reality

Alternative Reality~ Painting by Josephine Wall

Everytime I place this painting in my journal, it disappears. I love this painting by Josephine Wall, because it reminds me of the Woman in the Glass Box. The woman is trapped between two worlds~ the world to which she is familiar and finds comfort vs the world to where she was once a Princess.

Like the woman in this painting, life is about choices. I know I am a Princess, but sometimes in life, it is easier to stay within your comfort zone, and I have been stuck in my comfort zone for too long. Everything has become too routine. I am not ready to make big changes, but a few small changes would be good.

I got up early and went to the grocery store on the other side of town. I wore a black shirt, black slacks, sabrina heel mules, pink heart dangle earrings, a pink pearl bracelet and a pink ring. It was amazing how many men that worked there were eager to help me with my selections. There was a really cute guy in the produce department. =.) I dont have casual clothes to run errands or to go out, but I have to make an effort to go out dressed like a lady instead of wearing sweats or dressing too juvenile. When I saw my reflection in the frozen foods section, I wasnt thin, but I looked like a lady, and that was good. I havent lost weight, but I havent lost hope.

Some changes I would like to make:

  1. To find different routes to return to my apartment
  2. To find a nice man to go out with.
  3. To have nice clothes for socializing.
  4. To dress nice when I run errands
  5. To shop at stores that are not in my neighborhood
  6. To free my "free time" for more fun things
  7. To clean house and wash clothes during the week
  8. To take better care of my body
  9. To get my waistline back
10. To be more organized
11. To get rid of the clutter

You dont have to be thin for someone to be attracted to you. You dont have to be thin to dress nice. You dont have to be thin to do nice things for yourself or to take yourself to nice places.


Friday, April 15, 2005

The Beauty Within

I got on the floor yesterday and did a few stretches and leg lifts. I havent been doing very well with my diet. Today, I had a salad, but I was so hungry that I topped it with a candy bar, a payday candybar, if you must know. I do not know if I have lost weight, but I feel that I have lost inches, because my jacket felt a little loser and my skirt didnt fit as tight. 

This picture of Marilyn probably will disappear, as all the other pictures have misteriously vanished, but I hope it doesnt. It's good to know that Marilyn had to work hard to achieve that perfect body of hers. Gives me hope, because I know that underneath the excess pounds I now carry is an hourglass figure.

I struggle to get my body to look like the body I want.When I look in the mirror, it is hard for me to think of this overweight reflection as attractive. Although men do not tell me that I am pretty, I notice that women do. My friend, Magda, once told me that when women notice you, it is the most extreme form of flattery.

Sometimes I think that people see the woman on the outside as more attractive than she is, because they see the beauty of the heart of the woman within, the Woman in the Glass Box.

God sent me a surprise today. I received a phone call from an employer whom I mistook for the other employer who took me to lunch the other day. Their voices are so much alike that it is hard to distinguish one from the other. We got into conversation and agreed to have lunch next week. He called later in the day to ask me out for dinner this evening. I agreed to have lunch with him next week instead. =.) The chase is always wonderful; isnt it?! 

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

YOU are the message! What do you project?


                            Marilyn in Korea, entertaining the troops

An older veteran came into the center today. My coworkers seemed to be drawing straws as to who would see him. Because he had requested some faxed information and I had been the one to retrieve it, you can guess that I was the one who got to see him. My coworkers always try to avoid him, because he is too talkative. Spending too much time with one client will lower your productivity, because in the time you saw one person, you can see several. Let me just say that I took him into my office at about 8:15 am and I wasnt through with him until 9:30 am. Once you get that application correct, though, the next time is easier and faster. Unfortunately, some people are more concerned with getting rid of the client instead of reviewing the application and updating the information and/or listening to what they have to say. I reviewed and updated his information, referred him to a couple of federal jobs, and printed out the applications and forms he would need to complete. I made some recommendations about how to complete the forms and how to mail them off. Needless to say, the client walked away happy.

The Lord sent me a lost soul today. She was a victim of domestic violence with a big patch over her eye. She had started out her work experience correctly until 1997, but she became involved with drugs and now her skills are outdated, she has a very poor work history, and a prison record. "I dont mind starting from the very bottom," was her cry for help.

"Remember that nothing is permanent. What you are going through is temporary," I told her. "Self-esteem is the best cosmetic. It is even better than lipstick." And she laughed. "Start by believing in yourself again. You will see."

I referred her to three jobs, but she only wentto see one employer. She only went to one, because she returned to the center to thank me for helping her. She was hired on the spot.   

A woman from my past also showed up. She had come in to see me yesterday, but I went to lunch late yesterday; remember?! She had signed in for me but the older lady told her that she would see her, because I had to cover for the receptionist while she was out to lunch. I quickly spoke up and told her that I would be taking care of her next. I referred her to three jobs and helped her to compose a resume.

Helping others helps us to forget about our own troubles.

This afternoon, I attended a Customer Service training. It was funny that after the training, a person I dont know (staff) commented that I didnt need the training, because she could see that I am a very positive, cheerful, and helpful person. Wow! Incredible to hear that from someone I have never met.

I always knew that I belonged to the world, because I never belonged anywhere else. ~ Marilyn Monroe

                         Picture from Hometown

Like Marilyn, I have not found a place where I belong. Sometimes, I wonder if I will ever find that place where I belong. But what I do know is that God takes me to different places, and for right now, this is where He wants me to be. Sometimes, you are where you dont want to be, because He needs you to touch one person, but sometimes, He needs you to touch many. Like Marilyn, I am not here for me. I am here for the people God still wants me to touch. This journal started out to be a weight-loss journal, but God has used it to reach out across the miles to choose it's reader. Perhaps, today, that reader is you.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Texas Bluebonnets

Whew! What a hard day. The receptionist and the older lady were at a training until 1:30 p.m. and the boss is still out sick, so Johnny and I had to do our best to take care of everybody all by ourselves. We were so busy that I didnt go to lunch until 1:30 p.m. It's funny how busy we get in life when we all have the same hours in a day. It would be so nice to just flop into a field of bluebonnets, but alas, I have to work!

Johnny was not accepted into medical school, but he has accepted an unexpected offer to work as a retail manager. He will be with us until the end of the month. The older lady will be going into knee surgery and will be out on sick leave for two months. I am wondering what will happen when they are out. Will I be left all alone or will my boss call in someone to help me out?! 

Several men made be blush at work today. I was surprised that one of them thought I was 28 years old. Blushhhhh... It is flattering to have so many people ask for me by name (both men and women), even just to ask the simplest of questions like they value my opinion. It is also flattering to have them refer other people to me. I must be doing something right.

One example is a veteran who has come in many times but has never talked to me. Today, after noticing his frustration, I took it upon myself to update his application during my lunch hour. He could not believe all of the matches that I found for him. It was over 5 pages. He just kept staring at me like it was such a miracle when he has come to this center and to the nearby center with no results. Today, I gave him hope. .

I am still having a difficult time, trying to put together a spring-summer wardrobe, because the clothes I have for this season are too small. I wish my metabolism would cooperate! Oh, what to wear?!

Fussing with my computer problems is so time consuming. Am I spending too much time in my journal? Need to spend more time working out. Duhhhh... Getting so behind in my house cleaning, too!

If you had a friend who was not very attractive, would you tell her she is ugly? No! So why would you tell yourself that you are ugly?!

Self-Esteem is the best cosmetic.



Monday, April 11, 2005

Dare to Believe

Juan De Larosa

Yesterday's episode of The Contender hit close to home. Juan de la Rosa is a boxer from this area. At only 18 years of age, he is the youngest of the contenders.

Juan wears a picture of his greatest inspiration around his neck: his deceased grandfather. Juan began boxing at age 8. After boxing for only 10 years, Juan has earned a 14-0-1 record and is undefeated in twelve pro-fights.

It all starts with a dream, but a dream is just a dream if you do not take responsibility for it. A dream is about choices. A dream is about discipline to fight for what you believe. A dream is about persistance and determination, no matter how many times you fall.

Impossible things are happening everyday.  ~ Roger & Hammerstein's Cinderella

"Not believing is like telling God that you think that your problem is greater than Jesus. It's like telling God that you do not believe that everything is possible." ~ Heather Whitestone (Miss America 1995)

With God, nothing is impossible.


weigh-in: 169.0.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Good Investments


from the movie: How To Marry a Millionaire

For some reason, Marilyn always loved white terry robes. Yesterday, I made a trip to Stein Mart, and found this luxurious white Ralph Lauren terry robe for $50.00, which is much lower than the more expensive stores, but still kind of high for my purse. But because it was 30% off, I decided to take a chance. After all, if I didnt like it, I could always take it back. And then, I slipped it on, and it was at that very moment that I discovered why Marilyn loved these robes so much.


Because I live alone, it is so easy to get dressed without worrying about who is going to see me naked, but when company comes over unexpectedly and whenever I go to visit relatives, then what?! Let me tell you that, at the moment, I am washing clothes, and wearing this robe, I can wash all my undergarments, too! Isnt that amazing?!! I can imagine hanging my robe behind the door and being covered up enough to receive that unexpected company at the drop of a hat.

The salesclerk and I got into good conversation about the clothes at Stein Mart. My biggest complaint about the clothes there are that all the suits are lined. That is ok if you live in colder climates but not if you live in a tropical climate all year 'round. And then, of course, I really dont want to spend that kind of money on clothes that will be too big if I lose weight... oops... WHEN I lose weight. =.) I got her on a roll and inspired her to lose some weight; would you believe?! Sure wish I could inspire myself thatfast! 


                                                ~Marilyn eating chocolate.

When I was at the Post Office, a stupid girl hit my breast with her purse trying to get in front of me, because she was in a hurry to get home to have sex. (I know this because of her conversation on her cell.) The guy behind me said something interesting:

If chocolate can fix your relationship, you are in the wrong relationship. Now there is food for thought! By the way, the guy did express a big love for chocolate.

As for my new haircut, well, as you remember, I was sooo stressed from all that frizz from attempts to straighten it with my hair dryer, so I made a special trip downtown to a beauty supply store. I walked in asking for a diffuser, but it was clear that I was so clueless about hair straightening and diffusers and blow drying, that the salesgirl introduced me to a flat iron instead.

She took me to the front and actually used a flat iron on my hair to demonstrate it's ability. So I was ready to buy it when I discovered that I had left home without my bank card. She said she'd wait for me after closing time, so I went home to get it. When I returned, all of the lights were off on the entire block! They could not accept any form of payment, because they needed electricity to do the transaction, so she agreed to wait for me while I went to the bank to draw money from the ATM. Whew! I made three trips downtown that day, but it was worth it!

Before the flat iron, my hair looked like Don King. The first day I used the flat iron, my hair lookedlike the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. The second day, I tried curling my already straightened hair and it looked a little better. Whatsmore, the style has lasted for several days. Yesterday, was the ultimate test, because I would have sworn I was in Chicago! The wind blew it every which way, but when I got out of the wind, my hair came back to where it originally was. Amazing.

FYI: For those of you who might be as clueless as I am about these things, you must use a flat iron on clean, dry hair. That means no mousse, no gel, nothing. The one I bought is angled. It is ceramic.





  • 1" ceramic heating plates
  • Quick 30-second heat-up
  • Ceramic Heater
  • Instant heat / Instant recovery
  • Temperature range 200° - 400°F
  • Power indicator light
  • Removable heat shield with guide teeth
  • 9-ft. swivel cord

    Ergonomic handle allows for a natural hand position while straightening.

  • This flatiron is by Belson Products.


    Next step... 

    to get into the clothes in my own closet. =.)      

    Friday, April 8, 2005

    Lost Heroes


     This Week:

    President Bush went to St Peter's Basilica to view the Pope's body. I love this picture of President Bush, his wife Laura Bush, his father the former President Bush, former President Bill Clinton, and the Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, all kneeling in front of the body of the Pope. The Pope, of course, dressed in red. I am honored as an American that we are represented by these former presidents amongst all of the other world leaders that attended the services. 

    I was impressed that the first lady was wearing a black mantilla, a Catholic tradition. Unfortunately, it doesnt show up as sharp in this picture. Princess Diana also wore a black mantilla when she met the Pope. To me, that shows respect and humbleness, a very nice gesture on the part of the first lady. 

    On Friday (Europe time; about 2:00 a.m. central time), the Pope was buried @ St Peter's Basilica. How beautiful to have so many people from all over the world united to honor a life so well-lived.


    Prince Rainier of Monaco died at age 81. Their romance captivated the world – an American movie queen, a European prince and their enchanted life in a hilltop palace overlooking the Mediterranean. The mystique of Prince Rainier and Grace Kelly has endured the two decades since her death, in part because the 81-year-old ruler never remarried and filled his tiny principality with countless memorials to the woman he loved. And now he has gone to be with his beloved. (Grace Kellydied in a car crash in October 2001.)

                           Peter Jennings poses on the setof ABC's 'World News Tonight' in New York on Feb. 5, 2001. Jennings, the chief ABC News anchorman for more than 20 years, has been diagnosed with lung cancer and will begin outpatient treatment next week, the network said.  (AP Photo / Gino Domenico)

    Peter Jennings (news caster) announced that he has been diagnosed with lung cancer, but will continue to work as long as he can.


    Univision paid a tribute to Selena Quintanilla-Perez, lead singer of Selena y Los Dinos. This year is the 10th year anniversary of her death. Her mother, Marcela, is pictured here in front of Selena's image. There were so many latinos paying tribute to this great artist who paved the way for so many in music, especially women. My favorite part was when her brother, AB Quintanilla, made it look like Selena was singing with his group, the Cumbia Kings (includes her brother AB and her husband, Chris Perez. Other than AB's presentation, my favorite of all the singers was Gloria Estefan, of course. I loved that the concert was all about Selena and that they made Selena a big part of the entertainment. The concert was held at the Houston Astrodome, where Selena had her last concert. The family sat together and cried together, even some of the singers were too choked up to sing their usual best. How beautiful to have so many people come from so far away to honor the life of this humble singer who's life was so short-lived. Selena was shot by her fan club president in 1995.

    I have been trying to enter an entry for the past three days, but I am experiencing continued computer problems. Sighhhh... Have added the software you told me about, Suzy. Hope it works.

    On a lighter note, today, God sent me a young man who made me blush... twice.

    Tuesday, April 5, 2005

    Blowing In The Wind


                                          ~ Marilyn Monroe and Chanel No 5 ad

    Yikes at new hairstyle. Woke up sporting a Don King, combed through it and it looked worse. Rolled it in a few hot rollers to take out the curl and did some Tai Chi exercises while the rollers did their magic. I left the house looking very Monroe in my black skirt-suit, leopard tank, brown slingbacks and leopard purse... and then, I stepped into the wind and my hair frizzed up. Dang......

    Too many changes at work. We hate having to go in on Saturdays. Now they tell us we have to make copies of everything we do and start a file on everybody we see and all the assessment and paperwork we do for them. They are running scared and it is trinkling down to us. I hope they dont get the contract in September. Why do they always put such idiots at the top?!

    They also changed the Worker Profile program to change on Thursdays instead of Wednesdays, which means the people will not receive the letters in time for their appointment, AND they changed the letter format. Because the format goes through the capital, it's not as if I can change the format, because the program lets them know who received letters and who showed up and who didnt. I had to ask special permission to change the appointments to Thursdays instead. I think my boss was having a hard time with the change as well, because he already did a calendar, but there are other people coming in on Tuesdays anyway, so maybe it will work out.

    I am almost done with the online training at work. I am scared to take the final, because if you dont pass it, you have to pay $75.00 out of your own pocket. It is just so much information: thirteen courses. I will have to make time to study before I take the test. I'm afraid that when I pass it, I will have to be a caseworker and I want to stay in employment services.

    This has not been a good day for dieting... perhaps because I didnt start out the day with an entry?! Perhaps because of the stress? Perhaps it was the frizz in my hair? BUT I did do some Tai-Chi this morning and I still plan to take my moonlit walk with God later this evening.


    Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6 

    Monday, April 4, 2005

    Journal Change

    Because of the change to daylight savings time and because of the change in my schedule at work, I will need to start doing my entries at night. It will be sad not to start the day out with an entry.

                                     ~ artprint by Alberto Vargas

    My friend, Ram showed up at work today and brought me some cinnamon rolls with nuts. That was sweet of him to do that, even though it blew my diet for the day!

    Tomorrow is Profile Day, and I had to wash my hair. Ughhh... I do not know how to blow dry it straight, so it is back to my curls again. I hope it looks ok, because it is much shorter now, which means it will curl more. God, please dont let me look like Orphan Annie tomorrow; otherwise, the people will be staring at my hair instead of listening to my presentation.

    I walked eight laps tonight. That's two more laps than last time, so that is good. I wish I had been able to walk two more, because that would have been three miles, but that was all that my back could take, for now, and that's ok.

    Of course, my back might also be hurting, because I moved my desk from my bedroom into the living room yesterday. According to Feng Shui, my desk is in the Helpful People bagua. My house is in a mess. I am trying to reorganize, so that I can find a place for everything. I really really need to get rid of some things, because this apartment is too small. I like my desk in the living room, because it will make the bedroom less crowded, I hope. I had to make a trail yesterday to get to my bed. LOL... One step at a time. =.)

    I have missed my moonlit walks with God. I was disappointed that there was no moon out tonight. Venus was the only "star" in the sky. It's funny that when we were kids, we didnt know we were making a wish on a planet instead of a star. I ate too much this evening, though, which made it hard to walk, because I was too full. It was kind of scary to see the shadow of my overweight silhouette with each step that I took. I couldnt help but remember Mary's words about feeling embarrassed to go out in public for a walk.

    If I dont want to progress through this weight-loss journey, I can keep the same routine, I can eat as much as I want whenever I want, I can be a couch potato for the rest of my life, and I can buy even bigger clothes. Is that what I want? NOT!

    A life that is spent being overweight is a live that is only half-lived. ~ Oprah Winfrey

    Think Thin.


    So hard to write today's entry. Still experiencing problems with multiple popup ads. Unfortunately, my computer does not have enough memory to accept AOL 9.0, so I am still trying to function under AOL 7.0. Wish they would do something to improve on this. Doubt that it will allow me to place any pictures in this entry, because it is too time consuming just deleting one popup after another.

    They will bury the Pope on Friday. His body will be buried at St Peter's Basilica, but I think it is great that they will bury his heart in Poland.

    Because of the Pope's burial on Friday, Prince Charles and Camilla plan to postpone their wedding. I am sorry, but I feel that marriage is just wrong. In my opinion, the postponement is a sign, and in my eyes, Prince Charles is not a real Prince. I think I would rather kiss a real frog.

    With my cross-over into the 160s, I am starting out the week with HOPE. I am wearing the outfit I wore when I met Mr Not So Wonderful last year, except that I am flaunting my Marilyn Monroe bob. Wearing this outfit helps me to remember that the day I wore this outfit was the start of a real breakthrough for me and that's a good sign.

    Cheating may offer temporary satisfaction, but cheating will only take me further from my goal.

    Power equals Strength Over Time.

    Sunday, April 3, 2005

    computer problems

    Testing to see if this takes. Still having problems with aol.

    A Week in Review

    Looks like this week has been about nothing but complaining! You'd think I was on my period or going through menopause! NOT!

    IT'S JUST BEEN A HARD WEEK, OK?!! Sorry...

    This Week's Review...

    1) Spending four days with my mother is always hard. I spent too many days crying. You cannot force anyone to love you, not even your mother.

    2) I am so tired of fighting with this computer. Stupid ads that keep popping up all by themselves and crashing my computer over and over again. Arguahhhh... I have tried deleting over 400 files and deleting this and deleting that. I must have accidently clicked on something I didnt want. My head hurts.

    3) The pope's passing came unexpectedly, but I was able to write an entry about him yesterday AND I was able to post a couple of pics, too!

    4) The 10-year anniversary of Selena Quintanilla's death was on August 31st, but I havent even written about that yet! I think I will write about her on her birthday instead.

    5) I had to work Saturday. The changes in schedule means that I will only be able to take two days off in a row twice this month. That's stupid. 

    6) They changed the time again to daylight savings time, which means that I didnt make it to 6:30 a.m. mass, and I will lose an hour and a half of sleep tonight, because of the change in schedule at work.

    7) No more Joyce Meyer in the morning, and they cut off Joel Osteen on Sundays as well. Sighhhh... Will need to depend on inspiration from my journal buddies! =.)

    What I havent had a chance to write about:

    1) I was in the middle of trying to clean house when I decided that I needed to go clean myself up first, so I went to the hairdresser. As usual, she saw platinum. LOL... I prefer long hair, but I got brave and allowed her to cut it shoulder length. She added highlights and blowed it straight. Such a drastic change for moi! Not as short as Marilyn Monroe, but if I leave it naturally curly, it will probably be as short. Great! I have a Marilyn Monroe hairstyle with a Winivere body. Shocker! LOL... Speaking of shock... shocked my boss and the receptionist when I went in to work on Saturday. The expression on my boss's face was funny, because he did a double-take. The receptionist said it made me look about 20 years old, so I guess that means more young men at my feet. LOL

    2) Also, when I got on the scale yesterday morning, I finally crossed over from the 170s to 169.5 lbs. I was excited about the cross-over until I discovered that it is only a 3.5 lb loss, but still, it does bring me a little closer to my goal, and I am only 23.5 lbs away from where I was.That's good, because I thought I had gained about 50 lbs! Just seems like it, I guess. Sighhh...

    3) My navy blue suit finally arrived from Lerner. I wish the skirt was a little bit longer, and it seemed like a thirty minute struggle getting into the waistline of the skirt. LOL The jacket also fits too snug at the shoulders. I guess that means I have to do some Tai-Chi this week. =.)

    4) The man I went out to lunch with appears to still be interested. Hummm... worried though, because I have never dated anybody my age (He thinks I am too young for him. He doesnt know we are the same age), and I havent seen him with his hat off yet. I wonder if he showers and sleeps with his hat on.

    5) Received an email from Suzy, today! Suzy's back! Yea! Welcome back, Suz.

    Saturday, April 2, 2005

    Pope John Paul II (1920-2005)


    For me, it is always interesting to see the accomplishments of great people. In spite of his many physical struggles, the Pope always put the world before himself. How beautiful to visit so many wonderful places and to write books up until the last couple of months before his death.

    I am so blessed to have lived in an era of such great examples of leadership as Pope John Paul II, Mother Teresa, and Princess Diana. They traveled a journey of faith and hope, demonstrating to the world the value of brotherly love and world peace. How beautiful for them to get to know each other here on earth. How much more beautiful for them to meet again in heaven. We had them but for a little while, but now, these leaders, who were once part of our world, have joined forces as three great angels in the Army of God.

    10/16/1978: First non-Italian pope elected in 455 years.
    06/02-10-1979: Anti-communist pope receives hero's welcome in his native Poland.
    06/07/1979: Says mass at Birkenau concentraion camp
    09/29-10/08/79: Visits USA for first time. Addresses the United Nations in New York.
    05/13/1981: Shot in abdomen and hand @ St Peter's Square, seriously wounded. Mehmet Ali Agca, a Turk, is arrested. Pope spends 22 days @ hospital.
    05/12/1982: Spanish priest lunges at the pope with a bayonet during the first day of his trip to Fatima, Portugal. Pope is unhurt.
    05/13/1982: Pope continues visit to Fatima. His visit comes on the anniversary of the first attempt on his life and the first of the Fatima visions. He credits the Virgin Mary with sparing his life in the 1981 shooting.
    05/28/-06/02/1982: Bullet-proof car debuts on pope's trip to Great Britian.
    09-15/1982: Pope holds the first of many meetings with Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat, angering many Jews.
    12/27/1983: Pope meets with and forgives his would-be assassin, Mehmet Ali Agca, in prison in Rome.
    01/10/1984: USA and Vatican establish full diplomatic relations
    01/13/1986: Pope prays @ Rome's main synagogue, the first ever recorded visit of a pope to a synagogue.
    06/25/1987: Jews are angered when the pope receives Austrian President Kurt Waldheim at the Vatican. Waldheim served in a German army unit in the Balkans during WW-II that was involved in the deportation of tens of thousands of Jews and the mass killings of civilians. Waldheim was denied any wrongdoing.
    12/01/1989: Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev meets with pope at the Vatican and promises to allow religious freedom.
    01/15/1991: Pope writes letters to President Bush and Iraqui leader Saddam Hussein in an attempt to avert the Gulf War.
    04/13/1991: Pope appoints Tadeusz Kondrusiewicz the first Roman Catholic bishop of Moscow in six decades.
    06/01/1991: Pope makes first trip to Poland since th country threw off its communist shackles. He visits again in August.
    07/15/1992: Pope has surgery to remove a benign intestional tumor; spends 11 days in the hospital.
    08/15/1993: Attends World Youth Day in Denver.
    11/11/1993: Dislocates his shoulder in a fall and spends a day in the hospital.
    12/30/1993: Israel and the Vatican sign an agreement to establish diplomatic relations.
    04/29/1994: Breaks his right leg in a fall and undergoes hip replacement surgery. He is released from the hospital on May 27.
    05/30/1994: Reaffirms the church's opposition to female priests in a letter to bishops, writing that the church "has no authority whatsoever to confer priestly ordination on women and that this judgment is to be definitively held by all the church's faithful."
    10/20/1994: Publishes "Crossing the Threshold of Hope"
    03/25/1995: Issues his strongest denunciation yet of abortion, decrying what he calls a "culture of death" that he says includes euthanasia. The statement comes in the 11th encydical - a special letter reserved for matters of extreme importance to the church.
    06/27/1995: Hosts a 4-day meeting with the leader of the Orthodox church, Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew I, as part of the pope's efforts to unite the faiths.
    10/08/1996: Undergoes appendectomy.
    11/15/1996: Publishes "Gift and Mystery"
    11/19/1996: Cuban President Fidel Castro has an audience with the pope
    01/21-26/1998: Pope travels to Cuba and meets with Fidel Castro.
    02/24-26/2000: Pope visits Mount Sinai in Egypt, revered as the place where Moses received the Ten Commandments.
    03/20-26/2000: Travels to the Holy Land, saying mass at Manger Square in Bethelem and visiting Israel's Holocaust memorial in Jerusalem. He prays at the Western Wall, where he places a written note asking God's forgiveness for Christian persecution of Jews.
    05/13/2000: Third trip to Fatima, Portugal. Beautifies two of the shepherd children who reported seeing visions of the Virgin Mary in 1917.
    08/1-19-2002: Ninth trip to Poland where he lived as a young man and served as archbishop.
    03/2003: Publishes his first book of poetry, "Roman Triptych"
    05/17/2003: Publicly announced that pope suffers from Parkinson's disease.
    06/05/2003: Takes a five-day visit to Croatia, his 100-th foreign trip.
    05/18/2004: Publishes "Get Up, Let Us Go", a book that recalls his years as bishop and archbishop, published on his 84th birthday.
    08/15/2004: Breathes heavily and gasps during an open mass in Lourdes, France.
    02/01/2005: Rushed to Rome hospital with breathing trouble. Released in 9 days.
    02/22/2005: Publishes "Memory and Identity" based on moments after he was shot in 1981.
    02/24/2005: Has surgery to insert a tube in his throat to aid respiration. Remains in hospital until March 13.
    03/27/2005: Unable to celebrate Easter mass. He delivers a blessing to the people in St Peter's Square but is unable to speak.
    03/30/2005: Getting nutrition from a feeding tube inserted through the nose.
    04/02/2005: Pope dies with dignity at his Vatican apartment.