Thursday, March 31, 2005

LQQK Fear In the Face

                       Stolen from kdwsunshine =.)

Sorry Kathi, but when I saw this graphic in your journal, it was too small to read, so I blew it up. I liked it so much that I had to put it in my journal. =.) Thank you, Kathi. I love it!

Last week and this week have not been good for dieting, but I cannot let a setback keep me from my goals, especially since my best friend's graduation is just around the corner in May. Have to look a little bit cute. I must lose at least 10 lbs by then. =.)

It would be nice to be able to fit in the clothes in my closet, but I also have a navy blue suit coming from Lerner Catalog. I hope it will fit. I think part of the problem is that I hate shopping at the mall. Yesterday, I received a catalog from a company I have never heard of before, and they have nice career clothes also, so the possibility of being able to find nice clothes will not be a problem. Need to get back on track and whittle that waistline into an hourglass!

Today's Menu

B: Pinto Beans taco on wheat tortilla, glass milk
S: 1/2 sliced apple
L: McDonald's Salad w/grilled chicken & lt dressing, diet soda
S: 1/2 sliced apple
D: Raisin Bran and milk
S: Light Nonfat Yogurt 

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." You must do the thing you think you cannot do." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

P.S. Still experiencing a lot of headaches. Feels like someone put an axe through my forehead. Ouch!  I am returning to my thyroid medication today.

PSS. My boss is married, but his wife has been living out of town with her father for years, because it is close to her work. It seems that she got into an argument with her father and her father kicked her out, so she returned home with her husband (my boss). Our ex-secretary was transferred to a nearby location about a year ago, but she continues to have a huge crush on my boss and she calls him a zillion times a day. My boss is sensitive to other people's feelings. I do not know if he was having an affair with her, but it is obvious to everybody what a huge crush she has on him. He has mentioned several times that she is young enough to be his daughter, but she keeps throwing herself at him. I thought it kind of strange that yesterday he was avoiding her calls. It was sad to see him at his desk, staring at the wall. My boss doesnt have a good relationship with his wife, but it makes me wonder why some people try to butt into a marriage and why some people stay in relationships just to be miserable.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005


OK, so God didnt send me anybody to make me blush yesterday, but He did send 4 sweet comments from my online friends. Thank you so much for your kind words.

It would be nice if the cruel person in my life was only a mother-in-law, but unfortunately, it is my mother. It is sad to say that if she died, I would probably feel relief. I dont know why some mothers are so cruel to their children. Coming to this area has cost me my sanity, not to mention what it has done to my body.

Still... I keep forgiving her, and I keep trying to be nice to her. I keep praying for the day that God will change her, but if that day never comes, at least I know that I tried.

I must have gained 4,000 lbs yesterday. My head still hurts from all the stress and my blood pressure is still high, but today is another day.

Picture from Hometown

Flower of Forgiveness/ Photo by Derek

To touch the soul of another human being is to walk on holy ground. -Stephen Covey

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

My Easter Vacation


I enjoyed spending time with my Angel and her little cherub, but my other daughter spent Easter with her in-laws. It would have been a good vacation, but I had to take my mother with me and spending time with my mother always leaves me feeling ugly, fat, and unloved. My head hurts from crying.

But I am fortunate to return to my online buddies and returning to work will help.

Perhaps today, God will send me someone who will make me blush. =.) 

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Holy Wednesday

            Marilyn Monroe 

Marilyn entertaining the troops in Korea ~ Love this picture, because her weight looks obtainable! =.)

Wednesday! Only two more days! I will be taking Good Friday and Easter Monday off to go see my children and my grandchildren, so this might not be such a good week for dieting, but we will see... 

As mentioned earlier, I am Catholic and some Catholics do not eat meat on Holy Week. Holy Week is the week before Easter. So far, I have been doing good not to eat meat this week. Brings back memories of the way we used to eat when I was a little girl. We would eat beans and rice every day, and we only ate meat on Sunday. I would make soft tacos for lunch and fried chicken for supper. Most of the time, I would hide when grandma would kill a chicken from the chicken coop, because it was awful to see her wring it's neck. Ouch!

Yesterday, I had half a grapefruit, a glass of milk, and coffee for breakfast, and Spanish Rice and Beans a la Charra with Pico de Gallo for lunch and for supper. It has been so long since I have cooked Spanish rice that I had a hard time trying to find my spices. It's hard to be organized when you have a very small kitchen... a very small apartment, actually! 

Spanish ladies label a small kitchen as a sad kitchen, but I tell them that my kitchen is not sad; it is cheerful, because I have it decorated with fat ladies in bikinis. 

Yes, Mary, I have the same problems with my thyroid and my thyroid medication, but I have proved to myself in the past that I am able to lose weight without the medication. I started gaining weight again after I got back on it, and so, I am experimenting to see if there is a difference.

My scale has been such a tease these past few days,dancing back and forth between 170 and 171. Need to get under that number! My goal this week is to get into the 160s.

I was surprised to see the moon come up to greet me yesterday after 5:30 p.m. It's as if the moon is calling me to return to my moonlit walks with God. Looks like it has finally stopped raining. Will go for a walk this evening.

"The body is meant to be seen, not be all covered up." ~ Marilyn Monroe

Winter is gone, but Spring is here! Time to stop being all covered up. Time to lose weight to expose a pretty waistline! Must presevere.

I can do this.

I can do this.

I can do this!

Monday, March 21, 2005

Monday after Palm Sunday

This is me at the Pieta in April 2004. I was wearing jeans in a size four; would you believe?! Must presevere.

My mother showed up last night and spent the night, so this will be a short entry.

I forgot to weigh in this morning, but I dont think I lost any weight last week. (Note: Last week, I took my thyroid medication as prescribed.)  I was hungry everyday last week and Saturday was the worst. Pigged out all day. Ughhh...

Sunday was Palm Sunday. Went to 6:30 a.m. mass and prayed for God's help with my health and my weight-loss problems. I walked around the trail where the live-sized stations of the cross are and sat with the blessed Mother at the Pieta. It was a nice visit. Wish I had a better camera so I could take a closer shot of the blessed Mother's face. They did a very good job at creating these life-sized stations of the cross.

I didnt take my thyroid medication yesterday, and I was surprised that I did pretty good at controlling my hunger.  I will not take the medication this week. For some reason, I always seem to do better at weight-loss without it.

This week is Holy Week. On Holy Week, some Catholics sacrifice going without meat all week. When I was at the grocery store yesterday, I noticed that they have fish portions and fish sticks in frozen dinners and they are able to microwave those, so I see no reason not to do the same. I already had some fish portions in my freezer.

Today's Menu

B: half grapefruit, glass milk, coffee
S: half apple, sliced
L: fish portion, sliced potatoes, green beans
S: half apple, sliced

Dont know what to have for dinner yet.

Friday, March 18, 2005

               Marilyn Monroe

OMGGG.... check her out! Marilyn is putting eggs in her milk. She's making a protein drink!

And so I thought that there were no Irish people in the Valley! Yesterday, I helped a husband and wife from Pennsylvania, and they were Irish! That was very unusual that they would show up on St Patty's Day. Will helping them bring me the good luck of the Irish?!!# People are always telling me that I am their lucky charm. For some reason, people always seem to believe that I bring them luck, but I like to believe that I bring people "hope" and "faith."

This week, I havent done very well with my weight-loss journey. Could it be that the thyroid medication is keeping me fat?!

Today is Friday. I'm thinking of fish sandwich @ McDonald's. Next week is Holy Week. Cant believe how behind I am on my weight-loss journey. Next week will be even harder because I am Catholic and real Catholics do not eat meat on Holy Week. Will need to figure out what I can eat......


Thursday, March 17, 2005

Luck of the Irish

                          Marilyn Monroe     

                                           ~ Marilyn in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes             

Ooo... love this photograph of Mariyn!! (smile)...It's very rare to see Marilyn wearing green. This was more of a teal green color. Marilyn's usually wore white, beige, black, and red.                                          

I am wearing my black skirt suit with a rich lime green T, a lime polka dot Oscar de la Renta scarf on one shoulder, a darling swavarski (spelling?) peridot and topaz frog at the lapel, green purse, green heels, and a gold charm bracelet. Perhaps this outfit will attract some Irish luck. LOL... Dont think there are any Irish people in our area!

Today is St Patrick's Day. Wear green, unless if you want to be pinched. (wink-wink)

Kiss me! I'm not Irish, but kiss me anyway! =.)

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Slushy Dayz

           Marilyn Monroe

Here is another picture that doesnt even look like Marilyn. It's amazing how a hair cut and hair color can turn her from safe to sensational.

Nothing is more relaxing and beautiful as soft raindrops splashing on your windowpane, but it seems that it has been raining almost everyday. My beautiful car looked so white on Sunday. It was such a slushy day yesterday and last night and this morning... Needless to say, I was not able to go out for my walk as planned and I was not able to go for a walk this morning, either. Sighh...

I was feeling quite good about my 2 lb loss... until my boss told me that he lost 10 lbs in one week. Why Why Why do men insist on bursting our bubble?! Yes, women know that men can lose weight faster, because they do not have birth-ing hips, but they would look awfully funny with birthing hips, and besides, they have to admit that we are much prettier! =.)

"I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it." ~ Marilyn Monroe

              ~stolen from Kathi (giggle)


Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Reflections of Moi

Marilyn Monroe

Have never seen this photograph of Marilyn, but I like it and it goes with today's entry!

These past few days have brought many images of myself reflected in glass doors, store windows, and full-length mirrors. God is trying to tell me that I must do something about the woman in the mirror!! This is not what I want to look like! Fortunately, my brain and my body seem to be responding a little better to my self-lectures. I seem more focused.

Got on the scale this a.m. and I lost another 1/2 lb?!

I can do this! I will do this!

I havent seen the moon since the time change. I miss my moonlit walks with God. I woke up this morning and walked 4 laps. Perhaps if I break up the exercise, I will be able to do more. Will walk the other 6 laps this evening. Crossing fingers that it doesnt rain tonight.


363-158 Marilyn Monroe Souvenior of Mexico Paper Fan #2 A delightful souvenior from Marilyn's trip to Tijuana, Mexico! A wooden and paper fan with a series of bullfight scenes. Fan does have a tear or two, but still is in Very Good Condition. Sold for $4,250.00 @ her auction.

I won one just like it on Ebay for a steal of only $4.00. I saved $4,244.00. =.)

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. ~ Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)


Monday, March 14, 2005

Come To The Pool

Marilyn Monroe

To win, I must be prepared to face the impossible. ~ Winivere

Lost another 1/2 lb over the weekend. Looking back @ journal, first weigh-in was on Monday, so this week's weight loss was not 1.5 lbs. It was 2 lbs... not bad, especially since I ate too much most nights and only walked a total of 3 miles for the whole week.~ Need more exercise! Imagine my weightloss if I follow my diet exactly! And it isnt a starve me diet. It's actually quite easy to follow. I really envy those women who can do arobics, pilates, jogging, etc etc. Wish I didnt have back problems.

Last week, I went without my thyroid medication and lost weight. This week, I will add it back to see if there is any difference.

This weekend was a fine example of how I have no fun! Most weekends are spent doing errands of some sort. A neighbor's mother invited me to go sit by the pool, but I ran errands instead. Must take a closer look at how I can free my weekends.

On Saturday, I tried to go get my income taxes done, but they were unable to do them because they didnt have the correct form. I will need to hunt for the form and see if I can get someone else to do them for me.

To free space in my freezer, I cooked the turkey and separated the cooked meat in baggies to freeze. Yes, I ate lots of turkey on Sunday. LOL

I found some white shoes and Easter hats and gloves for my grandchildren at Wal-Mart. By the way... did I mention that my Angel is expecting her second baby?! I bought some new underwear that fit and was surprised to find a darling mother of pearl necklace, bracelet, and earrings set at great prices, of course, because it isnt real silver, but it looks awesome with my mother of pearl marcasite butterfly ring. Ooooo, pretty! Unfortuantely, at that Wal-Mart, they do not have food, so I had to schedule my shopping trip for Sunday because there are too many people if you dont go early.

Spring is here, but I am the only one in town still wearing black. I looked through catalogs trying to see if there is anything that I like and then I did some searches on Ebay. It would be nice to lose some weight before I buy new clothes. The clothes I started my wardrobe with last year are too small. It would be nice to fit into the clothes in my own closet. So frustrating. So many citrus colors out there. Not exactly what I want for spring.

On Sunday, I washed clothes and got my car washed and vacuumed. Wow! Looks so white, so beautiful, and the carwash guys paid so much attention to get it that way... and attention to moi as well... flirting, actually... :::blush:::

I also went grocery shopping for more lean pockets and salad and apples. I had coupons for a total of $4.00 off. Yay! When I got my mail, I received more coupons for lean pockets from the Lean Pockets people. Yay!

So all in all, I didnt have any fun, and I didnt get a chance to clean my apartment, but it's funny how the most simple things can put a smile on my face. =.) 

You'll never know what you can do until you try! ~ unknown

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Playing Your Best Game

   Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn played the best game with the worst hand of anybody I know."
~Edward Wagenknecht, author

Boy, can I relate to that! I spend a lot of time "People Watching." Some people have it good in the beginning of their lives and suffer in their later years. Some people have it bad in the beginning of their lives but then something happens to turn everything around. Life has dealt me a pretty bad hand, but I still havent given up and I am still here. There is still time, and so, there is still hope...

Dont I feel foolish stepping on the scale this morning. Messed up royally on my diet on most evenings and the scale still shows a decline in weight. How much more progress would I have made if I had followed my diet plan 100%!

Makes me think, what things do people do to lose weight?! Well, usually, people do this: 1. Take diet pills. 2. Eat less. 

Hummm... not good enough for me... Weightloss is much more work than that... Must ask myself some questions...

A. Must make that decision. Do I really really really want to lose weight and am I willing to do whatever it takes to follow through with this goal? Scared... but yes!

B. Begin with the end in mind. What do I want to look like?! My purpose is not to look like a skinny model: I want to be fleshy enough to look like Marilyn Monroe. I estimate my goal at about 130 lbs.

C. Weightloss begins with the brain. Why do I want to lose weight? 1.Health: My body suffers from too many injuries and too many illnesses. Even if there is no one to love me or pamper me, I must learn to love and pamper my own body and take better care of it. 2.Energy: It would be great to be able to do all the things I could do when I was younger. It would be great not to be so tired all of the time. 3.Clothes: I want to able to buy something off the rack, knowing that it will fit. I usually dress conservatively, but I want to feel confident enough to wear something casually chic or sexy.. something that shows off some skin: shoulders, arms, back, legs, and in private... my tummy. (blush!)

D. What are you willing to do to get there? 

1. Get rid of the junk food.
2. Plan for healthier meals and snacks.
3. Shop with a list.
4. Watch portion size.
5. Reminders: sticky notes, aol alerts.
6. Schedule exercise.
7. Drink more fluids.
8. Stay active. Keep a To-Do list.
9. Observe how other people eat.
10. Read packages and labels.
11. Seek inspiration.
12. Write in my journal daily.
13. Track progress on calendar.
14. Educate self on weightloss.
15. Review what worked and review what failed.
16. Reward successes.
17. Think.Make better choices.

"She's scared and unsure of herself. I found myself wishing that I were a psychoanalyst and she were my patient. It might be that I couldn't have helped her, but she would have looked lovely on a couch."
~Billy Wilder on Marilyn Monroe

This Week's Progress
walked total of 3 miles ~ need more exercise.
lost 1-1/2 lbs.~ would have lost more if I had stuck to my diet plan 100%.
was able to breathe in my pants on Friday. ~ inch loss perhaps?

Today's Menu
B: Lean Pockets Sausage, Egg & Cheese, glass of milk.

Friday, March 11, 2005


          From the collection of Keith Shinberg. 

Image of Marilyn Monroe in "Monkey Business"~ I couldnt believe this picture when I saw it, because that looks like my shoulders and my breasts. OMG... Wonder if this is what I look like from the other side of the desk! Blushing...

What would you say is your worst fault? 

Marilyn: "I probably have many, but my worst is my difficulty in remembering that there are only 60 minutes in an hour. I'm invariably late, but I can't break myself of it."

If you had a bank that credited your account each morning with $86,400.00, and that carried no balance from day to day, what would you do? If you don't use it all, you will lose it. What would you do? You'd try your best to spend every cent, of course! 

There are 86,400 seconds in every day. How do you spend your time? People always say they dont have time to do this or to do that. Reality is that we all have the same amount of time, but many of us dont use our time wisely.

There are only 3 ways to make better use of your time: Discontinue low-priority tasks or activities, get someone else to do a part of what you are now doing, or be more efficient in using your time. For most of us, the only choice is to be more efficient in using our time.

The first step in any project, including weightloss, is to do something, anything, but start something. Being busy and making small changes creates more control which creates productivity and progress which leads to better self esteem. Must change my evening activities to keep myself busy. What am I doing on a daily basis to reach my weight loss goal??!!

Planning and making choices has become a crucial part of my weight-loss journey. I realize that when I dont plan, I blow my diet. Sometimes, it is the rebellious "Bettie Page" in me, but mostly it is because of not taking the time to plan what I will eat. I seem to do ok with my diet during the day. It's the overeating at night that has become a bad habit. Stop it! It's like the good angel on one shoulder (Marilyn) and the bad angel on the other (Bettie).

Bettie Page Bettie Page... the original Pinup Girl

Sometimes, I get nervous when I feel like something is going to happen. I can see now why I was so nervous the other night: A client signed in to see me and when I came out to get him, he yelled out, "Ay, mamacita!" It was embarassing because it was in the middle of a lot of people, including my coworkers and boss.

To top it off, the young man who likes me "just as I am" showed up. He tried to steal a kiss, but I quickly turned my face and he kissed me on the cheek. Luckily, we were in my office when it occurred and no one was around. Blush... It would be too pervy to be his girlfriend. I explained to him that I was so much older and he seemed shocked. Thank you, Lord for allowing me the opportunity to hide my age well! But all he said was that it could be our little secret! Blushing some more...

And then he asked me what I do for fun. I didnt know what to answer. My whole life has been to work work work ever since I was 5 years old. In my youth, I used to enjoy drawing, making my own clothes, jogging, going to the movies, dancing... but that was short-lived because I was too busy playing the role of the single parent and trying to better myself with an education. Perhaps I lived my "old years" in my youth, and now that I am older, I must plan how I am going to live my "young years." Hummm...

On a lighter note, my friend Derek accidently left a comment for me in Mary's journal. LOL... That put a little tickle in my day, Derek! LOL... still laughing...

Today's Menu:

B: 1/2 grapefruit, glass milk, coffee.

S: 1/2 apple, sliced.

L: Tuna fish sandwich on toasted wheat bread, cup of cream of potato soup. Note: add only enough mayo to make tuna stick together. Lowest calorie mayo is Kraft Fat Free Mayo w/ 0 grams of fat and 2g carbs, 10 cal per tablespoon, but I use less.

S: the other 1/2 of apple.

D: Homemade Fried Fish, 1/2 c Steamed Rice, Spinach Salad w/Zesty Italian dressing, Sugar-Free Jello.

You divorced when you were 20 and started working in a factory during World War II, which is actually how your modeling career started.

Marilyn: "I was in what they called the "dope room." I had to paint dope on the fabric used in making [remote-controlled] target airplanes. And then one day, the Air Force wanted to take pictures of our factory. So I worked as a model for several days, holding things in my hand, pushing things around, pulling them?One of the photographers?David Conover?said to me, "You should be a model. You?d easily earn five dollars an hour." Five dollars an hour! I was earning twenty dollars a week for ten hours a day and I had to stand on a concrete floor.

Bettie Page: "I don't know what they mean by an icon. I never thought of myself as being that. It seems strange to me. I was just modeling, thinking of as many different poses as possible. I made more money modeling than being a secretary. I had a lot of free time. You could go back to work after an absence of a few months. I couldn't do that as a secretary."

A career is wonderful, but you can't curl up with it on a cold winter's night. ~ Marilyn Monroe

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Tickle Me God


OK, so I messed up royally on my diet yesterday. Why am I so nervous? Is something going to happen? Hummmm...

God continues to tickle me with His sense of humor. I walked into a long line at the convenient store yesterday. For some reason, the young man at the cash register singled me out and kept asking me questions: If I was on my way to work or if I was coming from work, etc etc. Then he asked me to the movies and told me that he got off at 11 p.m. OK, God, I said someone a little bit older but you keep going more and more towards that dangerous jail bait age. Thou shalt not lead me into temptation, Lord!!!  =.)

I woke up at 5:30 this morning, a little earlier than usual, so I decided to put on my tennis shoes and go for an early morning walk. It's been so slushy and gray lately, it felt good to get out into the cool morning air. The midnight blue sky was covered with the luminous lights of a multitude of stars. I only walked 4 laps, but that's ok. I have to make it a priority to go shopping on Saturday for that safety belt that people use when they pick up heavy things. Perhaps it will help me with my back problems so that I can return to walking. It would be good if I can do 6 more laps this evening because that will be 3 miles.

Today's Menu:

B: 1/2 grapefruit, glass of milk, coffee

S: 1/2 apple, sliced

L: Lean Pockets (will need to see what I left in the freezer @ work), Veggie Lover's Salad, Kraft Free Zesty Italian dressing, Tea.

S: 1/2 apple, sliced


True life is lived when tiny changes occur. ~ Leo Tolsoy


Wednesday, March 9, 2005

Stockings and Heels

It's funny how different men are attracted to different parts of a woman's anatomy. Although I usually wear long skirts, the young man who likes me just the way I am noticed the muscle in my legs. Every time I see him, I blush. Perhaps it is the blushing that attracts him. The last time I saw him, I had runs in my stockings. It made me blush even more to catch him staring at my legs. Needless to say, every time I put on a pair of stockings, I think of the look on his face and make sure there are no runs in my stockings.

It's amazing how the men who are attracted to me keep on getting younger and younger. God, send me someone who is at least 40!!! =.)

  Betty Grable

I have to go to a training this morning, so I dont know what today's menu will look like, because I dont know if the meeting will last long enough to have lunch at home or if it will be short enough to go back to work. Started out the day with Special K cereal and 1/2 sliced banana.

PS... Might I add: That Lean Cuisine Cheese Lasagna and Chicken Breast Scalloppini that I ate last night was scrumptous! 8 g Fat 280 calories... will buy that one again! Loved the Baby Spinach salad, also! Usually, I buy a salad bag and mix it with a head of lettuce, but the store had a coupon for $2 off if you buy two salad bags, so it was less expensive to get the salad bags instead. I chose two different kinds, but I took one bag to work.

S: licks from a Dum Dum pop (at the meeting)~ didnt finish it.

L: Lean Pockets Three Cheese and Chicken Quesadilla, Capri Sun Pina Mango juice drink. ~ Didnt feel like eating a salad. Will take a short nap instead and then go back to work...

Tuesday, March 8, 2005

In India, people believe that there is nothing more beautiful than a woman who is large enough to fill your bed.

First of all, let me say that Kat has changed her colors. Yay! Now I can read her journal again. If you dont want me to read your journal, dont put it in private. Just make the colors so dark that it hurts my eyes to see it. LOL... Thanks, Kat.

I wasnt satisfied with yesterday's diet. Will experiment again today. Love this picture of Marilyn Monroe weighing herself. Check out her thighs! Great muscle tone.

Today's Menu:

B: (generic) Special K cereal in fat-free milk, 1/2 banana sliced in tiny pieces.

Snack: 1/2 apple sliced

L: Lean Pockets: Chicken, Broccoli & Cheese; Veggie-Lover's Salad with Zesty Italian Kraft Free dressing, Tea.

Snack: 1/2 apple sliced.

D: Lean Cuisine: Cheese Lasagna with Chicken Breast Scaloppini; Baby Spinach Salad with Kraft Free Zesty Italian dressing; Tea.

The following was taken from geocities. I am not into BMI but the rest of it sounds ok.

Your perfect weight really, really depends on you.

Weight can be affected by lots of things. Be very aware of your personal bone structure. If you've got a large frame and you're 5'6"'re going to be heavier than someone with a small frame at 5'6". The most trusted methods I use are these...

. Measure your Body Mass Index (BMI). Use this easy calculator . A healthy BMI is between 21 and 24. 19 or less is consideredunderweight. 25 or more is considered overweight.

. LOOK AT YOURSELF! If you like what you see, and you're in your healthy BMI range then STOP! Don't lose anymore!

. Look at how clothes fit! It's not all about measurements and's also about the feel of those clothes you've been dying to get into.

. Weigh yourself once a week and keep constant track of it. Don't be dissapointed if there's no weight loss one week, or even weight gain. Water weight (which is basically just that...water in your body) can easily trick you. I don't weigh myself when it's that time of month because your period can make you gain up to 8 lbs of water!! But don't worry, it's just leaves when you use the bathroom.

. I also keep track of my measurements to see exactly how many inches I've lost. Even if there's not a difference in your weight, you're still losing fat and inches. This will help to keep you motivated.

Never try to be exactly like someone else's body. Whenever I've done this, I've been really depressed. Someone's tummy may be smaller than yours, but they're still the same height and weight. Problem areas are different. That person you might be envying for their tummy, might have horrendous thighs that they desperately try to hide!!! 

Monday, March 7, 2005

Testing... 1, 2. 3


Artwork by Mary Englebreit: Princess of Quite A Lot  

So many of my journal friends have stopped pursuing their weightloss goals, that I must delete some of the journal shortcuts to their journals because they no longer exist! On a happier note, Mary was falling way behind when I was leading, but now it is she who is holding my hand. I am so glad that you came back to journaling, Mary!

I have ceased to inspire, because I have failed to lead by example. I must get beyond my health problems and get back on track.

In spite of my many troubles, I am the Princess of Quite A Lot! It doesnt matter that I have health problems, because I have proved to myself that I can be triumphant in spite of them. Must presevere and become triumphant once again...

Among my multitude of health problems, my biggest enemy is my thyroid, because it regulates everything. Using thyroid medication with other medications can cause serious health problems and may have been the culprit of my heart problems. Although my metabolism is very slow, it seems that I was doing better at weightloss without it. I will stop taking my thyroid medication for a week and see what happens.

Current weight 173.5: Waistline: Oh enormous! Ughhh

B: Ham and Cheese Lean Pocket, glass of milk

L: Chicken A La Orange & Wild Rice (Lean Cuisine), Salad, Diet Dr Pepper~ comments: very very small portions, glad I took a salad, too. Forgot to pack some tea. Was hungry, because it wasnt very much to eat.

D: Philly Steak Lean Pocket, Tea~ comments: surprised that the Lean Cuisine dinners have fewer calories than these sandwiches. I should have bought more dinners instead, but the lean pockets come with 2 sandwiches which means that I can separate them into 2 meals, and besides, they were only $1.69/box

The purpose of this week's meals are to focus on paying more attention to portion size.

Saturday, March 5, 2005

"Just As I Am"


Bridget Jones spent almost a year hating the man who later revealed to her that he liked her "just as she is." Her friends admitted that she cannot cook, but they, too, loved her "just as she is."

It's funny how we want to "just look like everybody else." It's funny how we want the same things "just like everybody else." It's funny how we try so hard to be perfect, but what is perfect anyway, when we contradict ourselves in looking for something extraordinary instead? Yes, it is our imperfections that make us so extraordinary. It is our imperfections that make us unique. It is our imperfections that make us so perfect, so special. 

Right now I have three men who want to get to know me better, one who revealed to me yesterday that he likes me "just as I am." Stupid, stupid girl. I have failed miserably at trying to destroy any evidence of my beauty. I have spent almost a year trying to protect myself from the evils of men, hiding behind the weight, burying myself even deeper within the Glass Box. All I have done to myself is to make myself miserable, because I cannot breathe in my own clothes and seeing myself in a full-length mirror has become too much truth to handle.

Returning my body to it's normal weight ceased to be a priority. Looking back at my relationships cannot stop at my relationships with men. Looking back at my relationships needs to start from birth: the loss of my father, constant criticism from a hateful (jealous?) mother, men who disgraced my honor and failed to see my worth. All of these reasons for my own self-destruction are not good enough.

Take up your sword of power and dare to fight for yourself, Win. If you have helped countless numbers of people, why cant you see that you, too, are worth saving?! You are a child of the King. Stop being something that you were never meant to be: overweight, obese, fat, caloricly challenged. Just because you've had your share of evil mothers, evil men, and evil "friends" who have broken your dreams does not mean that you must allowthem to destroy your spirit. 

There is something very magical within yourself. Do not be afraid to allow your light to shine. Dare to find inspiration from your own life. Dare to find inspiration from your own successes.  

                                   Picture from Hometown