Each day that you cheat on your diet is another day that you allow your weight to keep you caged, trapped deep within the Glass Box.
"You spent a lifetime caged. By accepting who you are... all that you are, you can be free, and FREEDOM is POWER." ~ Catwoman
Something exciting is about to happen to you. Do not be afraid to walk out of the Glass Box. You have the right to experience life as you have never experienced it before. You have a right to be free.
"In my old life, I longed for someone to see what was special in me, but what I really needed was for me to see it. I started living the day that I died. To live a life untamed and unafraid is the gift I have been given, and so, my journey begins."
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Friday, July 29, 2005
Excited to finally get this tag into my journal, although I had to copy it from another entry. What's the trick?! =.)
Feeling sad that I have to work 48 hours this week. They are getting away with it by changing the timesheets to show Saturday as the start of a new week, but there is no break. I am working six days in a row. Sighhhhhhh....
A.C.S. got the contract this year. I will have to reapply for the job I'm already working at to see if I remain at my job after September 30, 2005, and we will have to go on probation AGAIN. It is so hard working contract to contract.
After all the finger licking of this icing for my cake decorating class, looks like I have regained the three pounds that I lost. LOL... It was probably water. BUT... in measuring, I discovered that my waist had expanded up to 38 inches. How did I get there?! Oh, my God! No wonder I felt so bloated and my skirt fit so tight.
The bodyshaping with weights appears to be working, however, because even though I regained the three pounds, my waistline has gone down three inches. It's funny to lose and gain three pounds but to lose three inches in one week. My waistline is :::waving:::, "Here I am. Dont give up!"
Had a dinner date on Tuesday which pretty much blew the diet for the rest of the week... Oh, my rebellious spirit! Why do men think that just because they are interested in you that you are automatically interested in them?! You can always tell if a man is considering you because they will stare really hard as if they are analyzing if you are good enough to have a permanent place on their arm, if you are good enough to have a temporary place on their arm, or if you are only good enough for a few moments of their excitement. I hate that.
My dinner date left me kind of disgusted. Why is it that men who like you think that you are going to give in to sex just because they like you? My rebellious spirit makes me overeat, because I dont want to be attracted to them. That's not good for my diet.
Last year, I lost 50 lbs and this man was inspired by my loss. I dont know how much weighthe has lost, but he has it in his mind that if he loses weight, I am going to be his "girlfriend." I agreed to the dinner date because we are friends, but I am not interested in him as a lover.
Taking it one day at a time may be ok for some, but for me, that is too long. Moment to moment is hard enough for me!
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
... I wish I wasn't fat. I wish I could lose weight. I wish... I wish... I wish... Sitting and wishing is like rocking in a rocking chair. You are busy. You are putting in effort, but you are going NOWHERE.
We dont need a Wish Bone. We need a Back Bone.
Wishing you were thinner is not hard. Looking at yourself in the mirror every day and not liking what you see is hard.
If you had done what you're supposed to do, you wouldnt be in this mess.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
I returned from my Summer Vacation to find this beautiful graphic in my Email box. Thanks so much for the birthday gift, Kathi. I love it! Unfortunately, I have not been able to attach it to my journal. What's the trick?!
As for my vacation, well, it just doesnt seem fair that a hurricane shows up on your birthday. Needless to say, my vacation did not turn out as planned, and it seems that the weather continues to be a threat with the creation of even more storms in the Gulf.
My pregnant daughter was very hurt that I wasnt able to visit. My beloved, protective son-in-law wrote me a nasty email in reprimand, acusing me of being selfish, not showing up because of a little rain and "making excuses not to visit." Harsh!
It was touching that my friends were disappointed that I wasnt able to visit. As expected, my mother didnt show up for my birthday. She always forgets, or perhaps this year, she just didnt want to show up. I dont have a lot of people in my life who care about me, but it is nice to know that there are some people in my life who do!
I spent most of my vacation with the mechanic. I was disppointed that I wasnt able to make it to Cake Decorating class because of car problems. It's funny how I never left home, but ended up spending a whole paycheck on my vacation. Sad!
A client suggested renting The Notebook and The Diary of a Mad Black Woman. The Notebook was a touching love story, but I didnt find it necessary to watch it more than once.
My favorite of the two was The Diary of a Mad Black Woman, a story of a woman who finds herself after her husband literally throws her out of his life. I loved this movie and watched it several times, because I found myself reflecting on a great number of the lines...
Catharsis: a form of emotional cleansing first defined by the Greek philosopher Aristotle. The act of giving expression to deep emotions often associated with events, in the individual's past which have never been adequately expressed.
The writer and actor of The Diary of a Mad Black Woman (Tyler Perry) talks a lot about catharsis on the making of this movie. It's incredible how it only takes one person to make a difference in someone's life. In Tyler Perry's case, as in so many others, that inspiration to express himself in writing came after watching Oprah Winfrey. I love Oprah. I would love to meet her one day. This year, it has been so hard for me to find inspiration. What do you do when inspiration stops coming? How do you stay motivated? Sometimes I feel like I am in the dark.
The word catharsis brings back a lot of fun memories of my college days and how we laughed over the word catharsis, especially because one of my classmates had a huge crush on me.
Every room in this house
holds a painful memory
~ The Diary of a Mad Black Woman
When you dream of rooms in a dream, the rooms signify different parts of your life. How many rooms of painful memories are in my Glass House oflife? Although the Walls are made of Glass, they are stillWalls, walls that help me to guard what is left of my tragically broken heart from further abuse. The Walls of Glass have become my unseen Walls of Protection. Yes, I continue to be in the Glass Box, because I am still afraid. In picking up the pieces of my broken heart, it is of the outmost importance for me to identify the painful memories in every room, because if I dont face what they are, how can I close the doors to every room? This was an "ah ha" moment for me to discover that the Glass Box that I have created for myself has more than one room, but how many rooms does it have?!#
How do I start?
Where do I begin?
I've been hurt so much.
I just need a friend.
Could it be you?
Will you break through these walls?
Are you willing to help make them fall?...
Oh, my mind says No, but my body says Yes!
~ The Diary of a Mad Black Woman...
Love this song. I may have to buy the soundtrack.
It's so easy to say NO sometimes, just out of fear. Lord, it is so sad that my heart has been broken in so many pieces that I have ceased to believe in fairytales. To find a man who can be that knight in shining armor, the one who can love me past the pain... hummm... Most men do not have the patience...
The graphic above is from one of my favorite calendars. If you want to buy it, it is available on www.Calendars.com
I need to stop thinking about what I have lost. Most days, I dont want to get out of bed, but I do. Some people say "one day at a time." It's too long for me. Most days all I can do is "moment to moment. ~ The Diary of a Mad Black Woman
Daily journal writing in the Glass Box and in the Silver Platter has become too time consuming. I need time to exercise and to do other things. Therefore, the Glass Box will feature weekly entries and The Silver Platter will track my daily progress. Thanks for visiting!
Monday, July 11, 2005
Thursday, July 7, 2005
I am so exhausted! For the first time in my life, I find myself counting the hours until 5:00 p.m... and I am counting the days until Saturday... and I am counting the days until the start of my vacation! Unfortunately, I will probably spend my time cleaning my apartment, but I hope to get a little time to relax, also.
Tropical storms Cindy and Dennis have me in aches and pains... still. Dennis has become a hurricane, but it doesnt look like it will be coming into Texas. It would be nice if it brought in some rain, but I doubt it. Temperatures are up to 101 degrees, and it's not even August, yet!
I ran out of my thyroid medication quite awhile ago, but I havent been able to schedule an appointment with the doctor until August. I wish I didnt have thyroid problems. It would be so much easier to lose weight, but I have been able to lose weight before, in spite of my health problems. I must keep my eyes on my goal.
Sometimes success is just around the corner.
Wednesday, July 6, 2005
Tropical storms Cindy and Dennis have got my bod in some major aches and pains. Cindy has made it to landfall in Lousiana and Mississippi. The weatherman says that Dennis is the one to watch and may turn into a hurricane by the weekend. So far, Dennis is at the Carribean, but the experts indicate it may come through the Gulf of Mexico, which is the area where I live.
Also, temperatures today are expected at about 113 degrees, not to mention the awful humidity, which makes it seem even hotter than that. Try getting into a hot car at 5:00 p.m. Soooooo HOT! Talk about a heat wave. You can actually see the heat.
Note: President Bush turns 59 years old today. I didnt know Bush is Cancer. My birthday is right around the corner also. I can hardly wait to take a vacation. If I had more money, I could take a really great vacation. LOL... Will my vacation focus on cleaning house?!@
Saturday, July 2, 2005
Surprised to see that all I ate yesterday didnt make the scale budge back up. Doing good. With all this talk about the benefits of water, I thought I would share a story about water today...
Tale of the Cracked Pot
A water bearer had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his house.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream.
"I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you. I have been able to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you've watered them.
"For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."
Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.