Saturday, January 20, 2007



This week, Miss T was very upset. She discovered that my students' mother came to pick them up in a Hummer. The mother of the twins gave her a purse for her birthday, and she also gave purses to two other teachers on their birthdays. Miss T was upset, because the other teachers received Phat purses and her purse was not a brand name purse. She claimed discrimination and asked if she should give her purse back. She insisted that she has ten cats and she should have the purse with the Phat cat on it. I was surprised that one of the other teachers exchanged purses with her. I do not know if it was just to shut her up. All I know is that the students do not like Miss T because she yells at them. She says she loves her job, but I think she is in it only for the money and for the time off in the summer which she claims she spends in Europe.

Working in a school has opened my eyes to this type of teacher mentality. There are so many teachers in our schools who shouldn't be allowed to teach. How do they get away with working as a teacher when it is clear that they do not like children and that they are not there to make a difference?

Many people look to a job to meet their physical and materialistic needs, which is fine, but I think that people get bored in their jobs, because they are too busy thinking only of themselves. Miss T is such a person. People are really bored hearing about her adventures in Europe and hearing her complain about how she would take cats over kids anyday.
So what does Miss T have to do with this picture of Patrick Dempsey?! Well, it is just an observation to the other side of the coin...
Seven years ago, I had a mentally ill client who looked like Patrick Dempsey. This picture reminds me of the  last meal Billy and I shared together at a local restaurant where I used to live.  He was leaning over the table just like this, with eyes of sorrow that brought a tear to my own eye. Billy cut lawns for a living. For him to invite me to eat at this restaurant was his humble token of appreciation. It was very touching to know that he had mowed lawns just for this moment, our last goodbye. It is so appropriate that as I write this, the maintenance people are cutting the grass outside my apartment, and it is even more appropriate to know that Patrick Dempsey played a role in which he mowed lawns.
This picture brought back memories of all the wonderful people the Lord has allowed me to serve... the lost, the rejected, the forgotten, the people that nobody seems to care about.
The Lord knew what he was doing when he allowed me to suffer at the hands of cruel people. He shaped me and molded me with his fingers of long-suffering, perils, and danger. In my childhood, there were many nights that I would cry to the Lord and ask him to take my life... so many that I lost count. The stars and the heavens listened to my cries for help. When I sat on that rooftop, with my doll clenched in my arms, was there an angel of God sitting next to me? And what about all those nights when I would wake up, surprised to catch myself crying in my sleep? Tears, oh, so many tears, and yet, the daytime brought a smile on my face that no one knew the wiser. When you are going through such terrible things, you pray for it to end, but for me, it was only my beginning. When I died on that operating table, it was as if a part of me had to die to allow a new me to  emerge. Yes, the Lord molded me like clay with his hands to prepare me for a new life, ever so carefully trying to glue together all the tiny little pieces of my broken heart, of my broken life.
My trials, my suffering were my greatest lessons, and it was through my suffering that I found wisdom to see beyond what normal people see.
Like Marilyn, I am just a girl wanting to be loved, but it would be selfish to hide myself with only one man when my life is meant to be shared with the world. The things that life has taught me have provided me the opportunity to meet and serve so many people. The rewards of my work cannot be measured in gold or in dollar bills or by the love of only one person, but the rewards of my work have made me richer than any millionaire in the world.
Stories, stories, stories! I have so many stories of the people that I have helped to make a difference in their own lives. It makes me sad to have to say my goodbyes to the people and the children who have left imprints in my heart, but the Lord knows that there are still so many more people that I have yet to serve. 
I love these people unconditionally and never expect anything in return. For me, it is enough when they show their appreciation in their humble words and their humble ways. They bless me when they say that I have touched so many hearts, but in reality, they are the ones who have touched mine. 
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same. -- Unknown
Having to always say goodbye is hard. It just gives more validation to my reality  that I am but an instrument that is only passing through this life. The brief moments that I share with all these wonderful people are the symphony that plays in my heart. It is those moments that we share that fuel the fire of my spirit. It is those moments that prepare me for the next person that I have yet to serve... and for me, that is enough.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Student Recognition Awards

I am so so sorry that I have not been able to visit your journals lately. I have been working from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. everyday. I feel so overwhelmed and I am still so very far behind in my work.

This week I spent most of my time gathering the students grades, behavior and attendance information so I could make the Student Recognition Awards. For this ceremony, I decided that I needed to give recognitions to the kids that are failing but are trying to improve and to invite them to the ceremony to see what the other kids have been able to achieve. It took me three days to get all the information so that I could see who would be winning awards for the third six weeks and also for the first semester.  Then on Friday, I had to find a place to gather all of the kids and give out passes so that I wouldn't have to go pick them up one by one. 
The Student Recognition Awards ceremony was very invigorating.  The kids can get as many as six certificates each if they participate in the events and maintain their grades, attendance, and do not get any behavior referrals.  Doing the award ceremonies is something extra that I do at my job, but I think it is worth it, because I see how much it has helped them to improve. I love to see them counting how many they got and looking at how many their friends got. I do not know how it will affect the kids that are failing, especially since I have one that is jealous and hateful, but only time will tell.
Also, the dance instructor is supposed to show up next Monday. When I asked previously if we could do the dancing, the principal agreed, but now it sounds as if other people take precedence over my program. I was kind of hurt when the principal emailed me to say that it was only my program, but I cannot give up on this. I hope I can find a way for us to do the dancing.
P.S. What happened to my counter?!# Did it turn all the way over?? I don't know why I have so much difficulty with it.

Sunday, January 7, 2007

Changing the Script

I am the STAR of my own LIFE. How can I change the bad Script in my head?!#
Things that might sabotage my weight-loss journey...
1. My mother's critical words.
2. Watching too much TV.
3. Spending too much time on the computer.
4. Working long hours.
5. Thyroid - Low Metabolism
6. Physical Pain.
7. Bad weather.
8. Poor food choices.
9. Stress.
10.  Not making time for exercise.
11. Not being prepared.
12. Not planning.
13.  Procrastination.
14. Trying to fit other things into my schedule.
15. Not keeping track of progress.
16. Embarrassment
17. Failing to take care of my health
18. Lack of support
19. Feeling hopeless
20. Heartbreak
21. Hating the way I look
22. Not being able to fit in my workout clothes
23. Not having the money for good tennis shoes.
23. Inability to motivate myself
24. Not trying
25. Starting over too many times
26. Jealous people who don't want you to succeed
27. Not being able to wash my workout clothes because we have too many people using the washer and dryer
28. Chocolate
29. Eating too much at night.
30. Giving up
Things that could help with my weight-loss journey...
1. Be around positive people.
2. Read or watch inspirational stories of people who've made a difference.
3. Good conversations that include talking, listening, and laughing.
4. Apply quotes from people that I admire into my life.
5. Sleep at least 7-1/2 hours.
6. Walk to strengthen my lower body and tighten my butt.
7. Use free weights and waist exercises for my upper body.
8. Use yoga and tai-chi to get rid of tension and elongate my muscles.
9. Get a massage on a regular basis.
10. Search for quick and simple recipes, especially to travel to work.
11. Stick up quotes, reminders, and pictures of what I would like to look like.
12.Listen to more music and watch less TV.
13. Wear something secret that gives special meaning towards my goals. 
14. Invest in at least two complete workout outfits for mix-matching and washing.
15. Invest in a good pair of walking tennis shoes.
16. Put all exercise gear in one place.
17. Drink plenty of fluids.
18. Plan meals before going to the grocery store.
19. Schedule in exercise and stick to it.
20. Have a Plan B for exercising when the weather is bad.
21. Make sure there is always Advil in my apartment.
22. Use the calendar to record my weight and exercise progress.
23. Stock a low-fat snack drawer at the office.
24. Drink a glass of water with lemon before every meal.
25. Keep up with housework so I have more time for other things.
26. Get creative!
27. Go through my stuff and donate things someone else might need.
28. Visit people who have no one that visits them.
29. Take short trips to Corpus.
30. Stop eating two to three hours before bedtime.
31. Journaling.
32. Make time to look for a potential boyfriend.
The only difference between a loser and a winner is DECISION.
No matter how embarrassing, there is no proof greater than my own progress.
P.S. Yesterday was January 6th. It was Three Kings Day. What did the Kings bring you?! I tried to get to the grocery store to get some Three Kings Day Rosca, tamales, and Abuelita chocolate, but the market was too crowded and there was no place to park. I did find a new pair of shoes and a gas station with gas @ $2.03/gallon. Once again, I have been deprived of dessert~ no dessert on Thanksgiving, no dessert on Christmas, no dessert on New Year's, no dessert on Three Kings Day. No wonder I am still craving something sweet!

Thursday, January 4, 2007

The Power of the Mind


"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face... You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
I really love this painting. It was painted by Edmund Blair Leighton, entitled The Accolade. The reason why I love it is because it represents what I stand for, and it also goes, hand in hand, with the quote of Eleanor Roosevelt to look fear in the face. To be a knight takes great courage and the willingness to sacrifice yourself for a cause bigger than yourself.
My life used to be about working hard and about survival from abuse, rape, abandonment, and neglect~ but it took a car accident to literally save my life of being a victim. 
It was Good Friday in 1980. I was on my way to work. I had left my oldest at her daycare and I was on my way to leave the baby at the other nursery. Suddenly, my car was struck by a truck.
I came to when I was in the ambulance. The paramedic was pumping water or something in and out of my mouth. I looked up at him, wondering what they were doing with all those machines, smiled at him, and went back to sleep. When I came to, I was at the hospital. I couldn't talk, but I kept asking for my baby, because she had been in the car with me. She's okay, they told me, "she only lost a shoe." I looked up and was surprised that the lady from her nursery was holding her. I was fortunate that I had covered her with my body, and I was thankful that I always made it a point to be prepared. I was not able to talk, but all of the information the doctors and nurses needed was in my wallet: the names of the girls' nurseries, my mom's phone number, my work phone number. The nurses made all of the arrangements.  After awhile, my mother showed up with both girls and shetook them with her. 
Relieved, I went back to sleep. I woke up when the X-ray technician was taking X-rays. It was very noisy. The machine had me in all positions, including standing up. It felt weird to be standing up in a bed. I felt as if he was taking care of me, so I smiled at him, and went back to sleep, but then, I went into a coma. The doctors took me into surgery and hoped for the best.
I do not know how long I was in a coma. All I know is that I remember experiencing floating above my body, overhearing the doctors talking amongst themselves. I heard them say that because of all the broken bones in my body and because of the extent of my injuries, if I made it, I would never walk again. 
It was at that moment, that I bargained with God. I needed to live, because I didn't want my ex or my mom to raise my kids. That would have been hell for them. I told God that I had to be able to walk, because a single parent needs to be able to provide for her children. I asked God to allow me to live at least until I could educate my girls and prepare them for the world.  I turned my life over to God and I asked him to accept me as his humble servant. And like a flash of light, it was at that instant that I felt the breath of God shoot through my body with great magnitude. The doctors were very surprised but assumed that I would be living the rest of my life in a wheelchair. I do not know how many days passed by at the hospital. I would sleep all day and all night. It was as if my body was still in a coma. I do not know how I got home or who took me home. All I know is that my days in bed continued, but instead of an IV, my nourishment came from a liquid diet of Ensure.   
There was no one to care for me at home, and there was no provider,  but I was excited about returning to my life. Mentally, I was ready to face the world, but my face and my head were about three to four times their size from the tremendous blow to my head. I was wearing a body brace under my clothes and my teeth were wired shut so that my teeth would not fall out. I still was unable to talk. I would wear my pajamas for several days before changing them, because it was too hard to get dressed and to get in and out of the shower. Days after going home, I was still finding pieces of glass in my hair from the broken windshield. Although it was hard to stand, I had to wash my pajamas by hand and hang them up in the shower to dry. Then, there was the big day when I had to go back to see the doctor.
When I went to the front door, I noticed my car in the driveway. It was half a car. All of the driver's side had been pushed to the passenger's side. How did I survive that?!
Going to the doctor's for the first time was scary, because I had to take the bus, but by the grace of God, my body made it to and from the doctor. My face and my head were still huge, but the doctors were amazed that I was trying to walk and to talk. I do not know who paid for the hospital or the doctor visits, but the day before the accident I let go of my insurance because my paycheck was only $525.00 a month gross and I needed that extra money they were taking away for insurance.  
I lost my job because the doctors would not release me to go back to work. I was worried, because I had bills and a mortgage to pay. I had to get more Ensure. I had to get my girls back home. So I got out my typewriter and typed up a resume. Against doctor's orders, body brace underneath my clothes and my teeth wired shut, I got on that bus to go out to find another job. First bus out and last bus home, I was working ten hour days, six days a week. The job ended, but still utilizing the bus, I went on to another job, and then I decided that in order to make more money, I had to go to college... but then, that is another long story.
I have learned to live with pain everyday. The worst times are when the weather changes, and there have been days when I cannot stand up straight, but I have learned that if you give in to the pain, the pain is worse. Yes, it takes great courage to look fear in the face, but the power of the mind can help you to do things you never dreamed you could do.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
This story has helped me to help many people, including a man who fell six floors and lived to tell about it. When I met him, he was in a wheelchair. Today, he is walking.

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

Time is Precious

Watching the Gerald Ford ceremony today made me feel how precious time is. The last week of 2006 and the beginning of 2007 has brought such sadness with the passing of James Brown and Gerald Ford and the hanging of the terriorist, Saddam Hussein.

First of all, I know that Hussein was a bad person, but I never thought that hanging would be something that I would see in my day.

James Brown's passing hit me kind of hard, but it seemed somewhat appropriate that he should pass away on Christmas Day. I remember the first time I saw James on the tele. I was instantly drawn to his music and his unbelievable energy. James Brown~ appropriately titled "The Godfather of Soul, "Soul Brother Number One," "The Hardest Working Man in Show Business," "Mr. Dynamite." Like a timex watch, he took Rhythm and Blues and turned it into Soul music and he took Soul music and turned it into Funk and he kept on going to change the Colored into Black. His music, his charismatic energy, and all that fancy footwork influenced many performers and so many people.

I do not mean to sound bias, but I have seen music change from the very first day that I learned what a radio was and the music I grew up with was the best. James Brown, Chuck Berry, The Supremes, The Beegees ~ yes, even Michael Jackson~ they all made the kind of music that had us on our feet. 

The funeral service for Gerald Ford was so heartfelt. I especially liked the part when the soldiers carried the casket, because all of the services were represented.

 It just made me see how important honor is and how precious time is. I was three years old when my father had a military funeral. Honor has always been important to me, no matter how humble.

If today was the day of your funeral, what would others say about you and your life? Would you be proud of what you have done with your life so far or would you be buried with your dreams? 

P.S. Check out my other journal, The Mad Platter. The link is on the sidebar. I think my journals will finally coordinate themselves this year.

Marriage Jokes

Marriage ( Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and  after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home  when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle  from you.  I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you  that I won't be home for dinner.  I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and  card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.  Those are my rules.  Any comments?"

His new  bride said, "No, that's fine with me.  Just understand that there will  be sex here at seven o'clock every night ..whether you're here or  not."


Marriage (Part  II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm  getting you a headstone that reads: "Here  Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies.  "When you  die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
 "Here  Lies My Husband -  Stiff At Last"


Marriage (Part  III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the  breakfast table.  Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no  good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After some time, he  realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.  She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What  took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in  bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"


(Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his  achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his  wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go  to a party.  The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to  find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He  shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of  Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."


Marriage   (Part V)   The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were  having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.  Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need  his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business  flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),  he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am"  He left it  where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up,  only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.  Furious,  he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed  a piece of paper by the bed.  The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM   Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of  contests.


God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

These jokes tickled my funny bone. I thought I had it covered by being single. Now that I have this knowledge, I can get married! ha ha... God help the men I meet in 2007!

Winivere =.)

Monday, January 1, 2007

Tarot Reading 2007

L232.jpg   I usually like to do a card reading at the beginning of every year... This has nothing to do with my lack of faith. I always believe that God comes first, but many times, it helps to validate your course.

(Insight: It does not surprise me that the beginning of this year's first entry began at 12:01:22. <<-Those numbers always follow me.)

What the reading revealed:
The card I was most surprised to see was the Lovers card, because it has never appeared in my readings. It actually shows a block, which I have known for years, but it does say that I am not to make any moves until I am ready, so that explains why I haven't followed up on those 2006 guys! 
*A mentor is coming. I have lived my entire life without guidance from anyone but myself. I find it funny that a mentor should show up now that I am 53, but we can always use a little support; right?!
*My optimism and insight in the face of adversity: You possess the ability to perceive the good in all things. You have learned how to take setbacks as motivation for renewed effort. No amount of harsh reality diminishes your sense that the future will turn out better. The only time life seems to fail you is when you don't eat right or rest well. <<- health warning.
*I am able to prune away illusions to get to the real truth, because it makes me more acute to what my circumstances truly are.
*I can be a light to others, especially if I step into the full light of truth and reveal my motives and principals, because in doing so, I will no longer give away power to the people that criticize and shame me. 
*Three cards spoke about Truth. LOL @ the truth will set me free, but there is more!
*I have an important role to play this year. It will take a lot of hard work and discipline, but the possibility of victory is very possible.
*It talks about some kind of inheritance. I wonder what that will be. Looks as if there will be a lesson learned from it.
*It says that my talent for artful communication and fair and impartial judgement will pave the way for a new calling, which needs to be pursued, because the world needs me.
Wow! If it is to be, it is up to me! Will I finally get to meet Oprah?! =.)

Michael Landon

When I first did this entry, it was originally a survey that I didn't want to do, because most of the questions were quite depressing... Little did I know that something that I didn't want to do would allow me the priviledge of being featured on Landon Legacy, because Michael Landon's daughter is looking for stories about her father...
26.  Did you have a crush on any famous person as a kid? Yes.

27.  Who was it? Michael Landon.

I was about seven or eight years old. I started earning a paycheck when I was six years old, working in the cotton fields. When I found out that all of the people of the Ponderosa were coming to the Live Stock show, I was so excited, because I thought that I might be able to get a glimpse of Little Joe. I gathered all of my coins and saved all of my money, carefully counting the coins over and over to make sure that I had enough money for the ticket to go see them. 

   Finally, the day came. I had all of my coins together. I put on my little cowgirl outfit and went with my family to the Livestock Show, but I never said a word about my plans to anyone.

Mother asked us which ride we wanted to go on first. My aunt, my brother and my cousin were very excited. They wanted to go on the rides and get their foot-long hot dog, etc, but when mother asked me, I told her that I wanted to go to the Rodeo to see the people from Bonanza. I took out my money to show her that I had enough to buy the ticket. I didn't dare tell her that I wanted to see Little Joe, because she didn't like for us to talk about anyone of the opposite sex. 

I was surprised that she allowed me to go! I think it was because I showed her that it wouldn't cost her a thing. I think the ticket man was surprised, too, because I paid him in coins instead of dollars. He didn't even notice that I went in totally unsupervised. 

I sat in front of some grown ups and one of them spilled their drink all over my back and down the back of my pants. It was a cold night, but I didn't care that I was wet. If I got to see him, it would have been worth all the sacrifice of giving all of my money away to the ticket master and of getting wet by adults who couldn't hold on to a soft drink!

  Suddenly, there they were! All the people of the Ponderosa were taking turns talking to the crowd. Hoss and Little Joe had the whole crowd laughing. I loved his laugh! The sound of his laugh still rings in my ears.

I just wish I had heard what they were saying. Lorne Greene and Adam seemed to be have captured the crowd, too.  The only thing is that they were all facing the other way! All I saw from where I was sitting was their backs, and once in awhile, they would turn sideways. I prayed to God that they would finish their speeches by coming over to the side where I was sitting, but they didn't.

Then, it happened. Little Joe and Hoss got on their horses and started riding around the fence. Hoss shook a few hands, but he remained on the other side where they did the speeches, and then, he was done... but Little Joe kept riding his horse. Would he make it to where I was or would he stop like Hoss did?

The crowd got up and went to the fence. I was so little. I was afraid that I would miss him. Everybody was crowding in, pushing and shoving. Finally, I managed to wiggle my way through the crowd until I was in front of the fence. I just stood there, praying that he would come to where I was or at least close enough so that I could see him. 

He was approaching on his horse, but he was still so far away. Would he make his way all the way around the fence? My heart was pounding so hard. It was as if it was following the same beat as the hoofs of the horse. He didn't stop and he didn't go back. He kept on coming, shaking some of the people's hands along the way.

   When I saw him, I couldn't believe it. He was so handsome and so gallant on his horse. "Oh, God," I thought to myself, "he is just as handsome as he is on TV!" I was so happy that he was wearing the same green jacket, the same light brown pants, and the same hat, and he was even riding the same horse that he rode on TV!

I didn't know what to do when he got closer. I was feeling very nervous, but I continued to stand still, praying and hoping that he wouldn't miss me among all the big people around me.

   Suddenly, there he was~ right in front me! I just looked up at him~ with big lovestruck eyes. It was a moment frozen in time. I am sure he could feel the magnetism from my eyes! He stopped his horse, and  he smiled down at me, and then, he reached down, stretched out his hand, and took ahold of my fingers with his fingers. His touch touched my heart, and my heart skipped a beat for days, but no one ever knew what happened that night, because it meant more to keep it to myself.

It was my sweetest secret. Today, I broke my silence~ but only because it is his daughter who wants to know more about her father.

Michael Landon went on to star in Little House on the Prairie, and I continued to be in awe everytime I saw him. He is the image in my mind of what a man should be... a kind man, a wise man, a loving man, a man who thinks of his family before he thinks of himself. 

I was surely touched by an angel.