Monday, April 26, 2004


Wow! How did I lose 1.5 lbs since Thursday?! Guess I did better this weekend than I thought. Makes me happy.  =.)

Kind words are the music of the world. They have a power which seems to be beyond natural causes, as if they were some angel’s song which had lost its way and come to earth.   ~~~~  Frederick William Faber

Thanks so much for your kind words and thanks so much for stopping by.

Win =.)

Sunday, April 25, 2004


So sorry about the quality of these pictures. The first one is my passport picture. That's why I know the date. The other two were the only ones I could salvage, because most people dont know how to take pictures. They provide me with so much camera liposuction that my head gets cut off or there is more background in the picture than me!  If only it were that easy to lose weight!  Anyways, I hope these pictures show some progress.

I am so glad that I have lost my double chin and that I have found my waistline again. I am so close to my goal, and yet, it seems so far away, but I have to get there. I still need to lose 18 pounds... plus the 2.5 pounds I gained this past week. (yikes!) I havent had the nerve to get on the scale today.

I have been reading that calcium helps you to lose weight in your upper body. I havent been able to go walking for some time now, because the pain in my joints has been unbearable, but I have to make the effort this week, because my thyroid still isnt working, and if I dont exercise, all I do is gain. If adding more calcium doesnt help my diet, maybe it will help my joints. If it helps my joints, I can continue walking! =.)

I have been helping out at a different center this past week. There are no young men with chocolates there... at least not yet. =.)

Thursday, April 22, 2004


As I visit my weight-loss friends' journals, I cant help but feel sad because so many of them want to give up. Failing yourself is expressing to the world that you dont think you are worthy of loving yourself. If you give up on yourself, you not only fail yourself, but you also fail those who are depending on your support!

A word of encouragement during failure is worth more than a dictionary full of praise after success.

When we were babies, it was so easy to love ourselves. What happened in your life to change that?!

This week, I was stupid enough to listen to other people instead of continuing to focus on my weight-loss goals. As a result, I gained 2.5 lbs. How many times have I done that? I have to let go of that bad habit of allowing others to steal my joy, and I need to replace that bad habit with a good habit... a good habit of allowing myself to love myself enough to take better care of my body and to take better care of myself. 

I am a miracle. I have no idea how my body parts all work together for my greatest good, but I have an amazing body and I am wonderfully made from the Potter's hands. He gave me this body to house my amazing spirit and I need to take care of it so I can do all the wonderful things He has planned out for me to do! Jesus came so that we could have life in abundance. A life that is spent being overweight is a life that is only half-lived. Living without dreams is like a vegetable on life support. Abba, I dont want to waste my youth being overweight... I dont want to focus on beauty from the neck up... I dont want to only buy clothes that cover up my flaws... and I dont want to keep myself so busy in order to convince myself that I am alive. Abba, help me through this difficult period in my life, because I know that I cannot do this alone. 

Some time ago, I saw a reflection of a beautiful woman in a store window. Something inside of me wanted me to look closer, because I wanted to know who she was, but I was taken by surprise, because the beautiful woman in the glass window was me! Today, I was in an antique store, and I was shocked to see my reflection in a full-length mirror. Thank you, Lord, for reminding me not to forget about the woman in the glass box and for showing me that You are always near.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Finding My Birthday Colors! =.)


Not my birthday yet but thought this was an interesting site. I am a July baby, aka Moon Child... My birthday color is LOTUS. Gentle and soothing, Lotus inspires love and receptivity. The Moon rules the skies during the month of July and just as the Moon goes through its phases and cycles, so do we. The silver in this color signifies the value of change, reflection, and receptivity and the ink signifies love and tenderness. Together, we have a color that can be used in times of change or transition and as an aide for emotional healing. Wearing, meditating, or surrounding yourself with this color helps open the heart and lifts the spirit.

Day 19...TANGERINE... Inquisitive, Talented, Independent. You are constantly learning and exploring life and all of its wonders. Whether you are an artist or an analyst, you go deeply into whatever it is that captures your interest. Although you are social and need to interact with others, you have a very strong autonomous side. Your personal color helps you integrate the outgoing with the introverted side of your nature. Wearing, meditating, and surrounding yourself in tangerine increases your clarity and receptivity.

I originally wanted to be an artist, but survival took me a different route. When I was a little girl, you'd catch me with a magnifying glass, checking out insects and the wonders of nature. I loved sitting on the roof and looking at the stars and constellations. To this day, I still would love to have a telescope and I would love to learn to paint and watercolor! =.) Find your own colors through My Favorite Sites section.

Doing better on diet. Busy day at work today. I'm helping out at a different center this week. Surprised that I know more than their supervisor. =.)

Tuesday, April 20, 2004


Today, I am feeling so blessed. I have been receiving such sweet emails from people that I dont know. I do not know how people are finding my journal, but I am glad that people are beginning to understand what the Glass Box is all about. I suppose that it will mean different things to different people, but I would like to share what this aol member had to say.        

It was a precious gift you shared for your own self healing but it is also a gift that others can use and hopeful find an awakening of awareness deep inside the self. The metaphor of being trapped inside a glass box is so symbolic and represented for me feelings I have lived with for at least the last 29 years of my life. Starting with the death of my first son, and continuing onto my surviving a car accident that took the life of my mother and sister. For myself the "Glass Box" resounds loudly of a woman who has been trapped inside her own heart and guilt, refusing to live because it was not her right. Looking at the different pictures I realized there I stood in an encasing that if I would have chosen to I could have broken down. It is only glass. This entry touched something so profoundly deep inside of myself. I feel for the first time in oh so many years I can quit saying I am sorry to the world and to those I lost for having been allowed to live. For me that is what the "Glass Box" represents. My self-assigned captivity that allowed me to look out, and others to look in. The world outside my reach and myself outside of the reach of everyone else. Sheltered away, and shielded from feeling love, and happiness. Reading through your words I had to ask myself, "Why am I at fault?" For the first time, I realized how stupid those words sounded. I was not at fault. I was stupid and righteous for having believed I had enough power to be omnipotent and control life and death. So, I talked with my creator and asked for his support, and I thanked God for guiding me to your journal and opening my eyes, heart, and soul. I have decided I deserve more than this glass box. I picked up the first of what I know will be many rocks to start throwing at the glass because I intend to break them down. I have started eating healthy, have a diet plan that is realistic and healthy tofollow. I have been going on this since Sunday and feel great. I realize that is only the beginning. I have a ways to go. However, I am thankful for the great gift you have shared.I plan to come back to revisit the glass box when I hit the hard places in the road. It will help keep me grounded. It will remind me of my choice to live, or to shelter.You deserve your journey's path to be filled with rocks that fit your hand well to help you break out. It seems to me you have some very large cracks in the glass already. Do you feel the air coming through?

I am so glad that my journal is helping you to heal. There is no need to feel guilty about being alive. If you are alive, it is because God has big plans for you. Listen with your heart and He will show you the way that you should go.

Holding your hand, Win =.)

Monday, April 19, 2004

Prayer Request

Found out yesterday that my cousin Michaela's husband had hip surgery and will not be able to go to work for four more weeks. A week after his surgery, Michaela got laid off from the job she has been working at most of her life.  And to top it all off, some years ago, Michaela lost her daughter Barbara to uterus cancer. Now they have discovered that Barbara's daughter, Victoria, also has uterus cancer. Victoria is a freshman at college; she is only 19. On June 2, they are going to try to freeze it to see if that will help. When Barbara died, Michaela took in all four of Barbara's children and she is also raising grandchildren from another daughter. They are a total of 10 living in the same home. Michaela was called to jury duty and is only making $6.00/ day but has to spend most of it for parking. So far, the trial has been going on for 3 weeks. I hope that you will join me in praying for my cousin and her family.  

Sunday, April 18, 2004


Have been overeating since Thursday night when I recd "the news." Embarassed that I allowed Satan (aka exhusband) to take away my joy. Children dont make you fat! Exhusbands make you fat!. No exhusband is worth being fat over! Refocus, girl!

John's weekend assignment was like Mirror Therapy from the inside out. On the outside, my packaging may not be attractive enough for some, but on the inside is a treasure that only a chosen few will ever get to know. I am glad that I am not an airhead and I am glad that I am not just a trophy! I am valuable and I am worth it!

Now go on to make today a great day and remember to eat healthy. Your body is a temple. Be careful what you put in it!!! Remember that this is not a diet. It is an extreme makeover!!!!! =.)

WHAT I CAN EAT: Chicken breast, turkey breast, fish, tuna, shrimp, egg whites, sugar free tea, coffee, squash, salads, lettuce, broccoli, cucumbers, eggplant, pinto beans, jicama, green beans, pico de gallo, green peppers, mushrooms, tomato, zucchini, potato, sweet potato, lemon, rice, berries, grapefruit, cantaloupe, banana, apple, peach, pear, pineapple, white wine (to stirfry), balsamic vinegar.

WHAT I SHOULD NOT EAT: beef, carrots, celery, fruit juices, milk, cream, oil, butter, salt, sodium, cherries, oranges, watermelon, breads, pasta, canned fruit, olives, cheese, sauces, chips, tortillas, catsup, steak sauce, egg yolks.

Saturday, April 17, 2004

My Trivia

Following John's lead, here is my list of top 25 Winivere Trivia:

1. I was raped when I was 5 years old. I sat on the roof and asked God to take my life. He did.

2. I used to design clothes, make them, and wear them the same day.

4. I did a sketch that was exhibited in Washington, D.C.

5. My grandfather taught me that math is money. I have been working since I was 5.

6. When I was 8, I saved all of my money to see Michael Landon. He rode by on his horse, touched my cheek with his hand, and smiled at me as he looked into my eyes.

7. I picked cotton next to the fastest cotton picker to teach myself how to keep up with him but we never spoke. It wasnt long before I became the fastest. 

8. When I was in high school, people out of nowhere would offer me work.They found out that I taught myself how to type and that I knew how to do bookkeeping.

9. I have been close to death more times than 20 cats with 9 lives each.

10. I died and came back, but I came back as myself. =.)

11. The doctors told me I would never walk again. I am a walking miracle and I counseled a man who fell off 6 floors into walking again.

12. I have survived a womanizer, a drug addict, a wife beater, and an alcoholic but have yet to find true love.

13. My daughter and I were homeless for 18 months. I took a job as a nanny and housekeeper to get a roof over our heads.

14. My favorite color is purple. Can you tell?!

15. I have counseled with criminals, with the mentally ill, with victims of rape and domestic violence, with families of high risk youth, done investigations in child abuse and neglect, and have found jobs for people who thought they didnt want to work.

16. I wrote a poem in junior high that a classmate stole and published. Dang!

17. I grew up without guidance. My father died when I was 3. My mother worked at night and slept by day. Life has been my greatest teacher.

18. My favorite place to be is in front of the ocean, but I never learned to swim.

19. I am super confident in my work, but shy in matters of the heart.

20. I have had about 3 or 4 birthday parties my whole life, and one of them, my family celebrated without telling me. I found out about it when I saw the pictures!

21. Selena Quintanilla Perez and I shopped for shoes at the same store. I was surprised to see that our personalities were so much alike! I ran into her twice, but I never asked for an autograph. I wish I had. I ran into her husband Chris three times after she died. I took her death pretty hard, mostly because I could identify with her so much. She was so full of life.

22. I have been a single parent most of my life, worked two or three jobs at a time, and was still able to get my bachelor's degree at the same time.

23. When I see an old woman eating at a restaurant by herself, I pay for her meal but tell the waiter not to tell her who paid for it.

24. I saved a child from choking.

25. I can put a cherry stem in my mouth and tie it into a knot inside my mouth.

26. I can take my bra off without taking off my blouse.

Isabella's Baptism

I was really looking forward to attending my grandaughter's baptism today. I asked for the day off yesterday to travel the six hours to get there, but then my daughter dropped the bomb on me. Her father has come back into her life and has even spent the night at her house and he will be at the baptism with his new wife (wife no. 9). 

I feel proud that I raised her not to hate, but as selfish as it may sound, it is going to cost a lot of stress on my heart to handle the 12 hour roundtrip and to have to face their father again. If I didnt have a heart problem, maybe. If I had someone to drive me up there and back, maybe. And dont think that I havent thought about giving him a heart attack by wearing something low cut!  =.)

But in this situation, I have to think with my head because of my heart. They say God helps those who help themselves. God is depending on me to do for myself and he knows that right now I have to take care of myself. It would be like putting myself in a dangerous situation instead of being wise enough to know not to get into the fire. As sad as it makes me feel not to be there, I have to be brave enough to say no.

Going to need to take extra care not to overeat today. My heart has been racing for the past two days and I am not feeling very well. 

Thursday, April 15, 2004


I dont know why He speaks to me, but I am glad that He does. If you pay close attention, you will see that He speaks to you, too! Today, I was surprised that He joined me for lunch and this is what He said:

A man's belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth; and with the increase of his lips shall he be filled... Proverbs 18:20.

He says that in everybody's life there is something broken, something missing, or something that needs to change, but through our words, we have the power to curse ourselves or to release power into our lives and into every situation to bring about a powerful change in our lives. He instructs me to write down the greatest desires of my heart, to prophesize with my mouth for these things, and to call upon my angels to go forth with their assignments to make these things come true and to open doors for me that no man can close.

Abba, without my saying a word, Your powerful hand threw out these words to me as if You are prophesizing these words on my behalf:

true love, promotion, power over my finances, power over the sickness and pains of my body.

You didnt mention help in losing weight, but I suppose that can also be counted as a sickness of the body. Lord, You know me better than I know myself. I am not worthy to receive You. Say but the word and I shall be healed.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

God Plays Love-Match...

I hope I dont sound like Al Bundy, but... A young man came into the center before the Easter weekend and gave me a ceramic angel and some chocolates. Today he returned with a red rose in a vase and more chocolates. He is 20 years younger than myself. Says he wants the opportunity to go out with me. I cannot deny that God keeps sending me men and most of them are way younger than myself and it doesnt seem to matter if I am fat or if I am thin. 

I tell you: God has a sense of humor! It's as if He's asking: How about this one?! LOL... sometimes I think He is just trying to keep me entertained while I wait, but at the same time, allowing me to see that there are other qualities I also need to consider... Abba, wont the wait be longer if You keep adding more qualities to my dream man?!! My girlfriend and I decided a long time ago that we would have to make up our minds between a man who has a job and a man who has hair. Are you now telling me that it is ok if he also has all his own teeth?! =.)

Still feeling pain in joints and hip.Allowing my body to be my guide.Walking slowly, but was able to walk 6 miles tonight. I think I am getting enough calcium, but I may need to add more.

Sunday, April 11, 2004


Looking at my friend's journal, I see that I have inspired her to copy my ALL ABOUT ME section! LOL... Hope it helps to keep you focused, Tracy! =.) And I see that Suzy is now listening to more Spanish music. Feels good to see my friends doing better.  Keep up the good work, girlfriends! I pray for your success!

I hope I didnt turn people away with my preaching over the last few days. Easter is a special time for me, a time to meditate, to refocus, and to be grateful for all that God has done for me. Easter is about rebirth. It should be a joyous time for everybody, and yet today, I am feeling so meloncholy. Perhaps it is this music. It's really hard when music makes you think...

Jaci Velasquez has such a beautiful voice. She started out singing only Christian music, but I really love this album. Como Se Cura Una Herida is such a sad, beautiful love song. People talk and sing about love and about how much love hurts. I find joy in knowing that others around me have found love, but it is so hard to picture myself having someone to love me. It is hard for me to surrender to love, because most men have alternative motives. In the days of knights, men didnt have much, but men were men of their word and honor was everything. What has happened to the world that men have lost that?!!#

I dont want to sound like the woman who wrote THE DIARY OF A FAT HOUSEWIFE. I remember how I got so frustrated with her, because she could never lose the weight. I kept asking myself, when are you finally going to do this, lady?!! I hope I dont sound like that. It has been so frustrating getting over that borderline that sometimes I feel like eating everything in sight. Not a good thing if I have to constantly lose the same pounds over and over again!!  I havent been doing very well on my program, but I have added more fiber.

Sometimes I think, maybe God thinks this is the weight where the man of my dreams wants me to be. How will he know me if I lose more weight? LOL... But I am reminded that God said that I should write things down and wait on Him to make it happen, because it will happen quickly. I must trust and wait on the Lord to keep His word.


Friday, April 9, 2004

Good Friday

He gave up His only begotten Son that we might have everlasting life, but also that we might have life in abundance. Jesus gave up His life for you. Life is a gift from God. We celebrate life when a child is born, but as we get older, are we living our life to the fullest? Are you truly enjoying everyday life or have your bad habits made you a prisoner of the glass box?

This picture is from Mel Gibson's interpretation of THE PASSION. In this scene, Jesus falls and meets His mother. I could feel Mary's pain as she sees her Son's fate and as she remembers flashbacks of her Son when He fell as a child. This to me, was a very touching scene, because as a mother and as a grandmother, we dont want our loved ones to get hurt. If we feel that way about our loved ones, I can imagine how God must feel when we are hurting or when we fall, fail, and give up.

Some people do not know anything that is in the Bible. Like Thomas, they doubt in God. Sometimes it takes a great movie to bring people closer to God. I think it is great to have a relationship with God, because when you use your own strength towards a goal and you have God's strength behind you as well, you have two strengths working for you, not one. I have always said that God has a sense of humor. Sometimes He has to hit us across the head to make us wake up. Sometimes He just sits patiently for our YES.

Good Friday holds a special memory for me, because it was 24 years ago today that I had a horrible car accident and almost died, breaking a lot of bones and getting my teeth wired shut so that they wouldnt fall out. The doctors did not expect me to survive, and if I did, they said that I would never walk again. Like so many others, I had a near-death experience, floating over my body and approaching that white light. Dying would have been such an easy thing to do, but as a single parent, I worried about my children. I asked God to bring me back for their sake, and He did, but He also allowed me to walk. In Jan 2003, I fell at work, and I had problems walking for a whole year. Sometimes, my joints and my legs hurt, but walking is such a miraclefor me. I hope that I will always be able to walk.

Thursday, April 8, 2004

Holy Thursday

How exciting to sit at a table with all of your friends to enjoy a wonderful meal and great conversation. We eat and drink til we are full and many times eat without thinking or without saying grace. Instead of allowing your eyes to fill your stomach, take time to bless your food before you eat it and be conscious about eating only enough for the nourishment of your body.

Jesus knew his time had come. He sat at the table with his disciples and predicted what was to come,and yet they did not understand. They fell asleep when He went to Gethsemane to pray and to wait for Juda's kiss of betrayal that would hand him over to the authorities.  It is unbelievable how He stayed up all night and still endured all that He suffered the next day. Jesus' sacrifice for us was truly incredible. He was such a role model for us. He taught about love and about forgiveness, about forgiveness of others,and about forgiveness of self. He taught us that it is not good to repay a wrong with a wrong. How often do we leave a tip at a restaurant where we have received bad service? Like us, He was human, and there were times when He would become angry and afraid. It is hard to imagine the Son of God as being angry or afraid. God does things so that we can believe. Because you have seen, you believe. Blessed are those who have not seen but believe. How would we have reacted if we had hung there in His place?

I asked God how much He loved me and He stretched out His hands and died for me.

Sunday, April 4, 2004


Only Marilyn Monroe would lift weights in jeans! Must have been an ad for the jeans? Marilyn was one of the first actresses to show an interest in working out, jogging, and being fit.

One pound to cross that borderline.... when will I get there?! I sat down today to figure out the correct calculations on my weight-loss journey and noticed that looking at my other calendar, the weight loss is more than I thought. I guess it is always good to write your weight progress down on your calendar. Makes me realize that although I am frustrated at this plateau, I have come such a long way from where I was.

Opening up my Bible, the Lord reveals:

Write down clearly on tablets what I reveal to you, so that it can be read at a glance. Put it in writing because it is not yet time for it to come true. But the time is coming quickly and what I show you will come true. It may be slow in coming, but wait for it; it will certainly take place, and it will not be delayed.   Habakkuk2:2-3

Will revise my ALL ABOUT ME  to more specific goals and then just wait for it to happen!

Thursday, April 1, 2004


OMGGGGGG... How did I lose 20 lbs overnite?! Ha Ha... April Fool's!! =.)

Actual weigh-in today was @ 147.5 pounds. Lost another 0.5 lb. Still eating 3 meals a day and 3 snacks. Doing free weights in the morning. Getting closer to that borderline from obese to overweight. Only 2.5 lbs to get there...

Yesterday I mentioned that God knows why He planted me here. I was surprised that today he sent someone to tell me these words: You are like an angel. God planted you here for us. You have a gift to encourage people when they are down. Looking for work is hard, depressing, and it is draining. When I talk to you, you lift me up and I feel happy. OK, God... make me feel selfish about being homesick for the ocean! LOL...  Thank You, Lord, for always showing me that You are always near, even when I dont deserve it. Continue to use me for Your purpose and help me to do great things in Your name.