Monday, September 29, 2003

Weight: 190

A picture paints a thousand words... You have to be awfully brave to place a BEFORE picture in a public journal, but this is only the beginning... It is very dangerous to be so overweight, especially if that weight is in the middle, as mine is. I pray that the Lord will help me with my health problems so that I can reach my goal.

Sunday, September 28, 2003

Plan A

MIRROR THERAPY: Looked at my naked body in full-length mirror & had a long talk with myself. Thanked my body for the wonderful things it has allowed me to do and apologized for not taking better care of it. Psychologically prepared myself for the long journey ahead.

Exercise: Today is my first day on Body Flex, an exercise program that focuses on using the oxygen in your body to burn fat. The exercises can be done in a chair and are simple, but still a challenge for my fragile body and the herniated disks in my back. The twisting exercises are the hardest for me, but I will get there... Think POSITIVE.



Rachel McLish, DOB: 06/01/58... 4 times Miss Olympia. She is from Harlingen, Texas, which is in the area where I live. She was the first woman body builder and the first Miss Olympia.

B: yogurt and piece of fruit or 1slice toast and 1hard boiled egg, 1-2 c coffee

L: 1-2 chicken breasts, 1-3 c veggies

D: 1-2 chicken breasts or fish, 1-3 c veggies or a potato (no butter), salad

Snacks: fruit or vegetable juice

No colas. Nothing fried or breaded. Water, herbal teas, seltzer-flavored drinks, or vegetable juices permitted. No eating after 8:00 p.m.

Saturday, September 27, 2003

The Beginning...

"Sometimes a woman has to make up her mind between her face and her fanny." ~ Marilyn Monroe

It matters not how or why my story begins, for I am a work in progress. What is important is that I have made that decision, to take up my Sword of Power and to reach for the Cup of the Holy Grail of life, for only God knows what will be written on the last pages of my life... ~ Winivere

Paper is so patient... the blank pages waiting for my hand to write with pen and ink, to draw pretty pictures, or to press a pretty leaf or flower inside... As I child, I spent a lot of time on the roof, talking to God, looking at the stars, or writing in my diary. Growing up without guidance, sometimes, it helped to find solutions to my problems by writing my thoughts down on paper. And so, I begin yet another diary...


Weight-Loss History:  As with most people, my weightloss journey has had its ups and downs. For me, that weight gain has usually been as a result of stress. Most people think that women gain weight when they have children, but not in my case. Children dont make you fat; ex-husbands do.

Physical Challenges: broken bones in body and face from two accidents: car wreck in 1980 and a recent fall at work, hiaetal hernia, hypothyroidism, acid reflux, IBS, fibromyalgia, arthritis, physically unable to exercise at this time due to the fall. I am 50 years old, 4'11" and starting this journal at 190 lbs. Nobody likes to reveal their weight, but for the purpose of this journal, it's a must for tracking progress.

What I Want to Look Like i believe that women should have some meat on their bones and a little bit of fat is good for the face because it makes you look younger. By today's standards, Marilyn Monroe would be considered fat, but in my eyes, she a perfect example of femininity and beauty. I can relate to Marilyn, because we have both had to face issues of emptiness, abandonment, and being punished for our beauty, but although we have failed to win the heart of one man, we have touched many hearts. My weightloss goal is to be a size 5 or 7 at whatever weight that may be. 

STATS: I am a single, career woman from the Corpus Christi, Texas, area. I moved to this area four years ago because my mother and my brother had not talked in 15 years. I am 50 years old with two married daughters. They live in San Antonio and San Marcos; that's about a six hour drive from where I live. My first grandchild was born in July of this year. We are awaiting the birth of my second grandchild in December.  

I have a degree in Criminal Justice and have been undergoing graduate studies towards a license in counseling. I am a qualified mental health professional and have worked with the mentally ill for eight years. My career has included child abuse investigations, crisis intervention, counselor in a jail, working with criminals, working with people on welfare, investigations for the courts in child custody disputes, working people who want to commit suicide and people who have mental problems, but I am presently working as a vocational counselor. Yes, very different from my usual line of work, but for the first time in my life, I get off at 5:00 p.m. and I get two whole days off on Saturdays and Sundays and I get holidays off, too! I no longer wear out cars. I am no longer hunting down people in the rain or trying to save lives in the middle of the night. The last job I had, I went through five cars in eight years. I no longer need to carry a phone or a pager and for the first time in my life, I can actually sleep through the night without being interrupted with crisis calls.

I have been blessed to touch the lives and hearts of many people, but now I must help myself to get through this most difficult challenge... 


I am the Woman in the Glass Box. I am the perfection of beauty and goodness within myself, the slim me, the Venus within. Like the glass box, I am so very fragile, but it is the Glass Box that holds my radiant light, a light so bright, full of hope, full of dreams that have yet to be.

My nudity represents the exposure of all my imperfections, but it is our imperfections that make us beautiful; isnt it? Yes, the walls are made of glass, but even glass holds some protection from the cruelty of the outside world. 

This time around, I have many physical challenges that will work against my reaching my weightloss goals, but I have lost weight many times before. It is up to me to take up my Sword of Power and reclaim the remains of my Kingdom for only I can be the heroine of this story. 


The Lady of the Lake with Excalibur           

 The Damsel of the Sanct Grael by Dante Gabriel Rossetti

Sealed with a kiss,

Win =.)