Thursday, September 30, 2004

Today's Blessings

Every morning this week, the moon has been coming up to greet me on my way to work. I look forward to seeing what blessings the Lord will bring me each day.

Today, a friend of mine sent me this painting by email. If you know the name of the artist, let me know... The painting reminds me of how much I miss living by the sea. It brings back memories of watching the dolphins jump and play in the ocean, as the ferry crossed us over into Port Aransas. The moon always reminds me of the ocean and how wonderful it felt to walk along the beach under the light of the moon. I must go to the ocean again before winter sets in...

For the past two weeks, I have had to work late. Today, I stayed longer than usual. On the way home, I noticed a second hand store that was still open. The owners of the shop and their children looked like a Christmas card of elves hard at work, the man busy hammering and the wife and children busy arranging and rearranging things. As I walked in, I noticed two tall stands with old fashioned clothespins sticking out of them. They hung a lot of beannie babies on one of the stands and a lot of belts on the other. Turns out that the man made them himself. He agreed to sell me one, and I was fortunate to talk him down on price! It wasnt meant to be a hat stand, but I think it will make a great stand for most of my hats! Color me happy! Oh, so blessed!


Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Thou Shalt Not Rebel

This favorite image of Marilyn Monroe has become known as the Ballerina Series due to the fact that the Anne Klein dress was two sizes too small and all the poses have Marilyn leaning forward holding the dress sensuously in place. This image was selected by Time Inc as being one of the top 3 most popular images of the 20th Century. The 2 favorite poses are where Marilyn's head is up looking at you, and as shown above, with her head in her lap.

           Limited Edition Prints.


I am surprised to report that my fast went very well. The good news is that as a result of the fast, my tummy has gone down some. Yay

Instead of continuing to focus on my ideal weight, I am trying to get back to the weight where I was before my back problems acted up again! How sick is that?! I am getting pretty tired of losing the same pounds over and over again. It's time to do some serious dieting here. I was too close to keep on doing backward flips. I should have weighed myself before the fast. I like to see progress!

Today, I find myself more seriously committed to reaching my ideal weight. Although I am feeling hungry, it is my first day back to total committment. I have to keep in mind that it will take a few days for my body to adjust to eating less, but if I cheat, I will take me longer to break free from the Glass Box. 

Back to Plan B.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Full Moon 7:10a CT

            Moon goddess

    Moon Goddess~ painting by Josephine Wall

2004 Full Moon Schedule:

The Full Moon... time to purify my body to optimize my body's elimination process.

How to tell if you need to detoxify:

Frequent, unexplained headaches or back pain; chronic respiratory problems, sinus problems or asthma; abnormal body odor, bad breath, or coated tongue; food allergies, poor digestion, constipation with cronic intestional bloating or gas, brittle nails and hair, psoriasis, adult acne, unexplained weight gain over 10 lbs; joint pain or arthritis, depression, irritability, lack of energy; unsually poor memory and chronic insomnia.

Benefits of detoxification:

Digestive tract is cleaned of accumulated waste and fermenting bacteria; liver, kidney and blood purification (impossible under ordinary eating patterns), enhanced mental clarity (impossible under chemicals and food additive overload), blood stream is purified and dependency on habit-forming substitutes are reduced (sugar, caffeine, nicotine, drugs), bad eating habits are often turned around and the stomach has a chance to reduce to normal size for weight control.

This process of elimination is done by fasting, juicing, and/or colon cleansing. On the full moon, I usually try to do a juice fast. No solid food for 24 hours. The full moon rises at 7:10 a.m. central time today. Therefore, my fast will last until 7:10 a.m. tomorrow morning. To find the moon schedule for your time zone, click on 2004 Full Moon schedule hyperlink above.

Monday, September 27, 2004

One Year Anniversary

Alternative reality  Alternative Reality ~ Painting by Josephine Wall

My journal has reached it's one year anniversary. The painting above reminds us that life is full of choices. The reflection of this woman in the mysterious mirror is much like the woman in The Glass Box.

The woman's reflection is caught between two worlds. Only she can decide if she belongs to the world to which she is familiar and comfortable in or if she belongs to what remains of the world where she was once a Princess.  As for me, I choose to repair the remains of the world I once knew but to walk as a Princess in my Present World.

Sometimes you have to take a step backwards to keep on walking forward. 


In making New Year's resolutions, I usually write down the bad and tear it up, resolving to put the past behind. New Year gives us an opportunity to start over. And thus, I write...

Into God's hands, I leave: The hurt, the pain, and the illnesses of my body; the extra pounds I have gained; any feelings imposed by stress, bad relationships, or hurtful words made by myself or by other people that have kept me from reaching my weight-loss goals.

From God's hands, I receive~ My divine rights for Perfect Health.. to persevere in my efforts to reach and maintain my ideal weight... to return to my moonlit walks without strain, without pain... for wisdom and understanding, to listen to the things the Lord wants me to know.. to be grateful, to be positive, to find inspiration in the little things... to become the heroine of my own story.  

Paper is patient and it awaits my good news, but only God knows what is on the last page of my story. ~Winivere

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Be Like NIKE

In reviewing some of my friends' journals, it is sad how we continue to battle with our weightloss journeys every single day. Every year, we battle with the same resolution. We really should be like NIKE and JUST DO IT! Easier said than done, I know...

Although weightloss groups are great when they work, the real work comes from within. Any diet will work if you keep at it long enough, so that is not the problem.

When I did investigations of rape, incest, and child abuse, I learned that a baby cannot survive without love, without touch, without kisses or hugs. If that is true, it is a wonder that I have survived all of these years without love. Most men use women for their own needs. They think that a woman should feel previleged that they have "made love" to her. But love is more than mere penetration.

I cannot deny that there are men who want to be with me. That is not the problem, but to me, that is a waste of my precious time. I cannot deny that my body yearns to be caressed, to be hugged. To spend a night with someone who just holds you all night... is that possible?

 Perhaps, I should just buy a dog... Comfort, affection, protection, security, tranquility... These are the things I strive to bring into my life, but food should not be the answer for me to have all of those things.

I keep looking for ways to get inspired... ways to BELIEVE that there has to be someone out there who will love me for myself instead of for my body. The weight becomes a shield of protection, and to let go of that shield is the hardest thing for me to do, especially for someone like me, who has been raped as a child and as an adult. But I have to believe that even if no one ever loves me, God loves me, and I must love myself enough to get through this difficult journey.

This journal may be for me, but God knows what He does. The trials and tribulations of my past have helped me to make a difference in countless of lives in very many ways. This is the main reason why I decided to go public with my journal. If I should die tomorrow, I want to know that this journal was written to help at least one person in the world, and perhaps, as you read it,that person will be you.

This is my legacy... to continue to work for God's glory, for with God, all things are possible.

Saturday, September 25, 2004

My Daddy


Today, my father would have been 72 years old.  I wish I could make this picture bigger so you could see his Clark Gable mustache, a very popular mustache in his day. And yes, my father was a babe, very popular with the ladies, not only because he was so handsome with curly jet black hair, his fair skin, and green eyes, but also because of his outgoing personality, his ingenuity, and his desire to always better himself. I didnt get your green eyes, daddy, but my grandaughter Bella did!

My father had two brothers and two sisters. His mother ran away with another man and my grandfather was left alone with five children to raise. My grandfather hired a Mexican maid to help, and he married her after she gave birth to the second of her three children. We do not know if the two older children were my grandfather's because my grandfather was paralyzed from the waist down, but we do know that the youngest was not his. Nonetheless, they carry my grandfather's last name.

My father was a sergeant in the United States Army and a veteran of the Korean war. This picture was taken in Korea. Like me, he liked to sketch, he tried his hand at guitar, and he loved old cars. Never afraid to try something new, his profession varied. He played in a band, he was a bartender, he was a barber, he built the house we lived in all by himself, and he did odd jobs. In a world where people never finished high school, he attended college in Brownsville, Texas.

My father died of leukemia at the Veteran's hospital in Houston, Texas. He was 25 years old. My father's death was the first traumatic event in my life. I was three years old. When I was a little girl, I slept on the floor because I didnt have a bed. I remember hearing a man's footsteps walking around me in the night. I knew they were a man's footsteps because of the sounds of the shoes. At first, the sound of the footsteps used to frighten me, but as time passed, I would tell myself that it was just my daddy watching over me.

I used to have this reoccurring dream. I saw myself as a child, wearing a pretty white dress, skipping and smiling, and then stopping short, shocked at seeing a woman dressed inblack. The woman was crying, but I never saw her face because she covered her face with both hands. The last time I had that dream was when I was 25 years old when I separated from my children's father. It was then that the woman lifted her head. It was my mother. It was my father's funeral. It is odd that the dream should stop when I turned 25, the same age that my father was when he died.

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would have been like if he had lived. I will go and take him flowers and visit with him today.                                    HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY


Wednesday, September 22, 2004

My Angel Child

My daughter, Angel, is a Grant Coordinator for alzhiemer's research. In her research, she discovered that Ronald Reagan used to send flowers to his mother-in-law on his wife's birthday to give her thanks for giving birth to his wife. Angel was touched by that idea and had some flowers delivered to me at work on her birthday. How sweet is that?! They are a dozen roses with berries spray. And of course, they were sent through Hallmark, when you care enough to send the very best...

My Angel Child, My Angel Friend



Monday, September 20, 2004



1884 - The Equal Rights Party was formed in San Francisco, CA.

1921 - KDKA in Pittsburgh, PA, started a daily radio newscast. It was one of the first in the U.S. 

1934 - Sophia Loren was born...

1946 - WNBT-TV in New York became the first station to promote a motion picture. Scenes from "The Jolson Story" were shown.

1963 - U.S. President John F. Kennedy proposed a joint U.S.-Soviet expedition to the moon in a speech to the U.N. General Assembly.

1978 - My Angel was born. Happy Birthday, my sweet Angel.   

Angel was born on Ocean Drive in Corpus Christi, Texas. She began writing for the school newspaper in 5th grade. She was an excellent student and has demonstrated great leadership abilities.

We moved to Rockport, Texas, while she was still in junior high. Rockport, Texas, is predominately white, so we had a double mission to be respected in a town where Hispanics were not valued.

Angel can play the saxaphone and a clarinet that she has to sit on two chairs on to play. She participated in flags drill team and was in a beauty pageant. She was the only student to write for the school newspaper in junior high. When she entered high school, she became editor of the school newspaper four years in a row. She was also the President of PRIDE three years in a row. PRIDE is an organization for the prevention of substance abuse for children. She fully coordinated activities for the small group to include painting houses for humanity, public speaking and public performances of skits, song, and dance, to include performing a song in sign language. She has participated in substance abuse camps, which are a week's worth of activities and groups for children who participate in such programs as PRIDE, MAD, and PAL, organizations for the prevention of substance abuse for children.  I was fortunate enough to experience this life-changing experience with her one summer. PRIDE put her in the limelight and she was in the city newspaper almost every week. Angel became a national trainer all 50 states while she was still in high school. She is the only student who was awarded a gold Hugs Not Drugs ring for her valuable contribution to PRIDE. She was the only hispanic at her high school who received a scholarship her senior year.

Angel is a graduate of St Mary's University in San Antonio, Texas, with a major in Psychology. She married her college sweetheart, Luis, who is also a graduate from St Mary's with a degree in Journalism. He is a computer whiz and designs websites. Yes, I know I am not computer savvy! =.) Angel and Luis live in San Antonio, Texas.

Angel was Program Director of a museum in San Antonio. She took a career break to give birth to her little cherub, Isabella Victoria. Angel has moved on to another job as Grant Coordinator, raising money for alzheimer research. She found a daycare around the corner where she and her little cherub can visit during the lunch hour.    

Words can never express how blessed I have been to have you walk beside me through the most difficult times of my life. I wish more for you than I will ever wish for myself. Dont you ever forget that you are my gift to the world.  May the Lord continue to use you for His glory.  

Sunday, September 19, 2004

I am God's Masterpiece

There once were three trees in the forest: an Olive tree, an Oak tree, and a Pine tree. As they grew, these trees had big dreams of becoming something special one day.

The Olive tree dreamed of becoming a treasure chest to hold great treasures. The Oak tree dreamed of being a big ship to carry kings across the ocean. The Pine tree dreamed of standing tall on top of a mountain, for the glory of God. The Lord knew their dreams and He sent them sunshine and rain to help them grow. The trees rejoiced that they had been blessed with God's favor. They grew big and strong and full of hope for their futures, but then, one day, man showed up.

The Olive tree's heart broke in two when he discovered that man had chopped him down for nothing more than to make troths to feed his farm animals. The Oak's dream of becoming a huge ship was shattered when men took him down to build a small, insignificant boat. The Pine could not believe that his fate was to be nothing more than chopped wood for firewood.

Sometimes what we think we want for ourselves may not be in God's plans at all. The three trees thought God had forgotten them and that all hope of becoming something great was lost. But God turned that troth of that Olive tree into a manger where the baby Jesus laid His sweet head. He turned that small boat of that Oak tree into the fishing boat that carried the greatest of Kings. He took the chopped wood of that Pine tree, placed two pieces of chopped wood together, and that Pine tree became the cross where Jesus was crucified, the most beautiful sacrifice that God made for us to demonstrate His great love and His great mercy, by sacrificing His only son, that we might have eternal life.

Maktub ~ Arabic for "It was already written."

I am God's masterpiece. I am a work in progress. My dreams were to someday be an artist, but God took me along a different path. Only God knows what lies ahead on the last page of my story.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Lauren Bacall Turns 80


"You know you don't have to act with me, Steve. You don't have to say anything, and you don't have to do anything....not a thing. Oh, well maybe just whistle. You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow."~Lauren Bacall's most famous line from her movie debut in To Have and Have Not.

Born in 1924 as Betty Perske in Brooklyn, New York. She studied at the New York School of Theatre and the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. In 1942, she became 'Miss Greenwich Village,' which brought her several modeling contracts as a cover girl for Harper's Bazaar and lead to an acting career at age 19. 

Lauren Bacall went from fashion model to one of the late 1940's and early 1950's top leading ladies of the silver screen. Her stage name "Bacall" was taken from her mother's maiden name, "Bacal." She starred in four movies with Humphrey Bogart: To Have and Have Not (1945), the Big Sleep (1946), Dark Passage (1947), and Key Largo (1948), opposite Marilyn Monroe and Betty Grable in How to Marry a Millionaire (1953), in Designing Woman (1957) with Gregory Peck, Murder on the Orient Express (1974), The Shootist (1976), in John Wayne's last film Misery (1990), and in The Mirror Has Two Faces with Barbra Streisand (1997).

Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall

In spite of a 26 years difference, Bacall married Humphrey Bogart in 1945. Together, they had two children.The following is a picture of Bacall, Bogart, and Marilyn Monroe after the filming of How to Marry a Millionaire. Bacall widowed in 1957.

Photos of Lauren Bacal, Humphrey Bogart, Marilyn Monroe

She had a brief romance with Frank Sinatra. She is shown here at Frank's birthday party with Frank and movie star, Kim Novak. Her second marriage was to Jason Rhoads in 1961 but it only lasted until 1969.


Bacall's sultry look and her sexy, raspy voice made her well known and admired on the silver screen, but she was never nominated for an Academy Award until The Mirror Has Two Faces in 1997. Bacall won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress.

Lauren Bacall's performances with her husband, Humphrey Bogart, made them an amazing couple to watch, and she surely should have been recognized for her performances early in her acting career. Some people may think that it is sad that her reward didnt come until late in her life. Sometime we try and try and we may give up when we get so tired of trying, not realizing that success could be just around the corner. Sometimes persistance pays off when you least expect it! Persistance, persistance, persistance.. never underestimate persistance! Lauren never gave up, and at 80, she still has a thirst for life. She continues with her career and will be releasing a new film soon.

To me, Lauren's reward didnt come with the Oscar. As I see it, Lauren's life has been full of blessings throughout her entire life. She was blessed with beauty and grace. She married the love of her life. She had two beautiful children. She has known fame and success. She never had to worry about money. She has known some of the most influential people of her time: Humphrey Bogart, Marilyn Monroe, Betty Grable, John Wayne, Frank Sinatra, and Barbra Streisand, and those are only the ones I know about.

Happy Birthday, Lauren! May your life continue to send you blessings of much happiness and joy.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Some people think that rewards only come in winning the lottery or getting a raise at work. Some people give up, because they dont think their reward will ever come. Some people have rewards their entire lives and fail to recognize them. Some people allow life's difficulties to keep them from recognizing the little rewards that the Lord has to offer them each day. If this is how you are living your life, learn to take notice of all the little things that you've failed to notice before. Dare to go beyond your everyday difficulties. Listen to the song of the bird at your window. Allow the coolness of the water in the shower to touch and refresh your tired body. Notice the colors of the sunset. Smell the fragrance of a beautiful rose in full bloom. Taste the sweetness of a perfect peach.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

The Ugly Rock


Before Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel, he was a sculptor. Hammer and chisel in hand, Michelangelo kept striking at an ugly rock for a very long time. Observing him spend so much time striking at the rock in one spot, a man approached him and asked, "Why are you wasting your time on this ugly rock?" Michelangelo turned to look at the man and replied, "I see a beautiful angel in this ugly rock and I want to bring him out."

"Be confident of this, He who began great work in you, will carry it out until it is finished" ~ Phillippians 1:6.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

$$$ 1,000.00 $$$$

For those of us who have never seen one, this is a $1,000.00 bill...


If I offered you a crisp $1.000.00 bill like this one, would you want it?


If I crumbled it up and it came out all wrinkled, would you still want it?


If I took it outside and stomped all over it, and rubbed it in the ground with my foot,, would you still want it?


Yes, you would still want it. Why? Because it's value never changes. Whether it is crisp and clean... or whether it is soiled, stained or faded... it's value never changes.

Likewise, our value never changes. God knows our worth. God knows our value. We are like royalty because we are children of the King.

Never base your value on how bad other people mistreat you. Whether you are crisp and clean... soiled, stained or faded... your value never changes.


Progress... 09/07/2004: 163.0 lbs... 09/14/2004: 161.0 lbs.

Monday, September 13, 2004

Winchester Cathedral

                  DARE TO DREAM...

            Even a brick wants to be something.  

Something as simple as a brick can be something.


Sunday, September 12, 2004

Saint of the Gutters

This late entry should have been entered on September 5, 2004, the seventh anniversary of the death of a remarkable woman who had no money but did miracles for the poor of our time.


"Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat. ~ Mother Teresa

Mother Teresa (08/26/1910 - 09/05/1997), was a Roman Catholic nun who received the 1979 Nobel Peace Prize for her work with the poor. She became known as the saint of the gutters, because she devoted her lifetime to helping the poorest people in the slums.

 Mother Teresa founded the Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta, India. She founded health clinics, orphanages, centers for the malnourished, rehabilitation centers, homes for alcoholics and drug addicts, treatment centers for AIDS patients, shelters for the homeless and battered women, and hospices for the dying in countries across the world.

Mother Teresa was greatly admired for her work by many people all over the world, including Princess Diana. Mother Teresa died one day before Princess Diana's funeral. 

"I am like a little pencil in God's hands. He does the thinking. He does the writing. The pencil has only to be allowed to be used." ~ Mother Teresa

"By blood and origin I am Albanian," she once said of herself. "My citizenship is Indian. I am a Catholic nun. As to my calling, I belong to the world. As to my heart, I belong entirely to the heart of Jesus." ~ Mother Teresa

Saturday, September 11, 2004

AMERICA Remembers 9-11

Today marks the third year anniversary of the terriorists attacks at the Twin Towers in New York City, New York, and at the Pentagon in Washington, D.C... 9-11... the number known all over America as the number we use when we call for help...


September 11th marks the day that shocked an entire nation, the day Americans mourned together, the day Americans held hands, and became reunited as one nation under God for liberty and justice for all.  It is the day that shocked the American people into the realization of how blessed we are to live in this country, of how blessed we are to have the opportunity of obtaining the American dream, and of our quest to continue what our forefathers fought so hard for. 

This year, there will be another presidential election. I cannot see Kerry as the candidate to provide this nation with the leadership that it needs. Kerry appears to pursue his own interests, no matter what the price. Many make fun of George Bush as the Cowboy President. Bush was governor of Texas and he did a lot for the people of Texas. I am proud to see that the Lord has promoted him to serve our country. Many people criticize Bush for the war in Iraq, but I am proud to have a leader who defends the American way of life and is genuinely concerned for the future of our nation. I am in agreement with our president for the opportunites this nation has to offer to the American people, but I also agree that the American people need to stand on their own feet instead of depending on the government to support them. It is good that he has set limits on people who try to make welfare a career.

STAND UP FOR AMERICA... for our freedom, for ourselves and for the future of our children's children...


On this third year anniversary, as in the past two anniversaries, the names of the 2,749 victims lost in the trade center attack will be read in alphabetical order, observing each plane crash with a moment of silence at the four exact times of each attack. The reading of the names of the victims is estimated to take over two hours to recite.  Communities all over the nation will be observing this day in their own ways. New York will be illuminating the Twin Towers throughout the night. I will light a candle for our country at my church today and I will keep a light burning through the night in my home tonight. 

Friday, September 10, 2004

The WOMAN in the GLASS BOX...

She waits...





and waits...            



           AND WAITS!    



Do you see the young woman who waits or will you see the old woman who waits?!   


 Will you kiss away your YOUTH? 


 Will the Woman in the Glass Box ever become a part of your world or will she be but a memory of what might have been?!