Sunday, February 25, 2007

Dear God, make me a bird.


[young Jenny's father is chasing her through the fields to beat her when she stops and hides]
Young Jenny Curran: Dear God, make me a bird. So I could fly far. Far far away from here.

Jenny Curran: Do you think I could fly off this bridge, Forrest?
Forrest Gump: What do you mean, Jenny?
Jenny Curran: Nothing.

(from the movie: Forrest Gump)

Have you ever had days when you just feel so meloncholy? So overwhelmed with work that you just do not know where to start?!

My job is my main priority, especially now that I have those deadlines to meet. Spring break will have to be spent doing paperwork instead of enjoying myself. Work always seems to take over my life. How many times have I had to put my diet on hold? How many times have I had to put my love life on hold? How many times have I had to put my vacation on hold? All that stress, pushes me deeper and deeper into The Glass Box. I feel trapped. I feel so overwhelmed.


Yes, just like Jenny, sometimes you just want to go and hide somewhere, anywhere where no one will find you. But the problem is that your problems will still be there. Running away is not the answer.


The cruel reality is that being an adult means to be responsible. How stupid would it be to let go of my responsibilities and end up in poverty again. I have lost everything and had to start over again and again. Do I really want to face that kind of music again?! Do I really want to be homeless again? Do I really want to go back to rags again? Do I really want to go back to nothing again? I may not have much, but do I really want to give up what I have worked so hard for again? What is the key word?!... "again." And no, again is not "a gain." I would gain nothing from that!!!!! That would just be stupidity talking to me in the face.

All crisises are temporary.

"You must do that which you think you cannot do." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Blue Bird 

P.S. Open House is coming up in March. I spent two hours at Wal-Mart developing pictures and making 8x10s of some of my students.  (That's what I get for going to Wal-Mart on a Saturday!!!) I  will need to take more pictures of the other groups, so I can get them developed asap. I wish I could add the pictures to my journal, but confidentiality, ya know... I used gorgeous borders (available through Wal-Mart developing machine.) The skit cast has the Rising Star border. The carolers look like a Xmas card. The Diamond Girls look as if they are in a fashion magazine. The frames at Wal-Mart were too expensive, but I got plexiglass frames at Michael's @ 30% off. The kids are going to be impressed with the pictures and the parents will be, too. The rest of the groups are going to be after me to take their pictures, though, which will make it easier to get them to pose for me. =.)

March will focus on careers. I have some drawings of professions that I had laminated. I will add paper to each one so the kids can write in their names to the profession they want to pursue. I think the parents will be impressed with that, and it will keep the students goal-oriented. I have speakers coming to speak on Career Day. And I need to start the Pen Pal project this month.

I wish I didn't have to do the extra paperwork, but I do a lot for the kids. The paperwork part of my job may be a lot, but I deserve to give myself credit for at least some of the things I do. =.)

Friday, February 23, 2007



Yesterday, I started out the day with a student who is new to my program. I presented her with a vision voucher and provided her with the details, times, etc, of the places where she could go to get these services. The student didn't flick an eyelash when I told her that the exam and the glasses would be free, and she didn't seem very appreciative. Maybe she will be different after she gets the glasses. I hope she will follow through, because she has to put her face on the monitor to see the computer. I would categorize that as blind as a bat!


On Tuesday, another student (S) came in wearing a really bad pair of pants that looked as if they had been mended and re-mended to hold them together, but there was also a very large hole about the size of a fist on her upper thigh that exposed her thigh and the zipper would not stay up. S is a very tall, very large girl. Sometime back, her sisters told me that S missed school because she didnt have pants to wear, but they were laughing, so I thought they were joking until I saw what she was wearing on Tuesday.

S also has problems with Truancy court. I made the mistake of emailing the vice principal who goes to truancy court to inform her that S has missed some classes, because she didn't have pants to wear. I was already in the process of getting a gift certificate for her, but the vice principal and the principal forwarded my email to the parental involvement person and they wanted me to go speak with her.

I was already in the process of helping S. I didn't ask the school for help, but the principal felt that I wasn't doing enough.

Well, I went, but it was not pleasant. The parental involvement lady started shooting her mouth off at what a terrible family this was and how her older sister had done this and that, and she just kept going on and on at how she didn't deserve help and would have continued talking her mouth off if I hadn't told her that I had to leave. She seemed upset that I didnt stick around to hear more of her bad mouthing about the family. She says she never takes anybody at their word and she demanded that I should do an indepth investigation and make a home visit, because this family is filthy, etc etc etc.

I don't tell her how to do her job. Why should she try to tell me how to do mine?! Unfortunately, the parental involvement lady has always been very rude to me and doesn't believe in my program. That has never stopped me from being nice to her when I see her, but some people just don't like you, no matter what.

She said that nobody was going to help her or her family, and I pretty much got the idea that she wasn't going to help her either. Whatever her family did has nothing to do with the fact that the girl is outgrowing her clothes.

Oh, God, that was such a stupid mistake to email the vice principal. I will know better next time ~ to take care of things myself, period!

Next thing I know, I am in the middle of talking to S and the secretary comes over to get the student for the counselor NOW.  S came back to tell me that the counselor asked her if she needed clothes and S told her no, because she was too embarrassed. She didnt want to be known as the girl who doesnt come to school because she doesnt have a pair of pants to wear. When I talked to the counselor, the counselor said that there were probably other kids who could use the help instead of her.  

S came back during her lunchtime and told me that the parental involvement lady was very nice to her and took down her sizes, etc. Why was she nice to her after what she told me? Why did she decide to help her when she said she couldn't and wouldn't? 

This girl's mom died of cancer. There is no father in the picture. The older sister is in Wyoming (thank God). She is being raised by her 23 year old brother who has a modest salary. In their mind's she is under the custody of the older sister and they get lots of money. NOT!

So then, I finally reach my boss and he wants us to meet at WM after school on Monday so our program can help her with $100 worth of clothes. I think that is good; don't you? What I think is best, however, is that what I am offering her is from the heart. What the parental involvement lady is doing is not. I don't think I would want anything from anybody who didn't have my best interest in mind.

Working with difficult people is very frustrating, but it is an important part of my job. Throughout life, you are always going to find people who don't like you for whatever reason. Maybe just because their friend doesn't like you. Maybe because they don't like to see people with smiles on their faces. Who knows and who cares. Maintaining your cool , watching how you handle things, and being super careful about what you write in an email is crucial. It is hard enough to just to prove yourself at your job. Mess up on any of that, and you will have trouble at your job. 

I hope I didn't mess up.


Tuesday, February 20, 2007

FAT Tuesday

FAT TUESDAY~ the day of the feast before the fast. What was on your plate today? For me, it was the last of the flour tortillas.

Growing up Catholic, Ash Wednesday is the beginning of Lent, the 40 days and 40 nights that the Lord fasted before his death and resurrection. (Real) Catholics still believe in the old traditions of the church, such as refraining from eating meat on Fridays. We are no longer obligated to do so, but I love the traditions of the Catholic faith, and by choice, I keep them, because I think they are beautiful traditions that should never die.

People have already done away with God in so many ways. Praying with Jesus in the desert, accompanying him through this difficult time in His life, is the choice to remember Him. Although He is someone I reach out to on a daily basis, this time is a special time, a time for renewing my Faith, a time to renew my spirituality, a time that always makes me feel even closer to God. 

Besides food, this FAT TUESDAY brought me an abundance of men all in one day. Does this mean that I will have the opportunity to choose "the one."

Is it possible that my McDreamy is in this batch?

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Unusual Helpful Hints

Winning with Win

Put them in the freezer for 10-20 minutes. Gently break apart using a butter knife. Put back into freezer if they don't come apart easily.

Heat the black "ring" portion of a 2 liter plastic soda pop bottle with a hairdryer and remove the ring. Cut the bottom part of the clear plastic container with a knife. Insert the skein of yarn inside the bottle and run the yarn through the top opening. Slip the ring back on the bottom end of the bottle. If the ring is too loose, tape it to the clear part of the bottle.

Soak white raisins (yellow Dole plump up best) in gin for seven days then pour off gin. Eat nine raisins per day. You can grind the raisins and take one heaping teaspoonful per day.

JOGGING IN A JUG (homemade)

Mix 1 part apple cider vinegar to 4 parts purple grape juice and 4 parts apple juice. Mix together well. Keep in the refrigerator. Take 2 oz. every morning after breakfast to help lower your cholesterol level.


A cup of vinegar poured into your mop water will make your kitchen floor gleam. On no-wax floors that have dulled it brings out the shine. On waxed floors it helps cut through years of wax buildup, leaving the surface bright.


Dust talcum powder into the cracks. 


Mix Massengill feminine douche powder as per directions. With a spray bottle, saturate the affected animal or surface and bathe.

When working outside in the cold weather. put on a pair of rubber surgical gloves under your wool gloves. It works on the same principle as wet suits work for skin divers.
I'm lost, I've gone to look for myself.
If I should return before I get back...
ask me to wait.

Author Unknown.
Hello, Everyone...
Sorry my recent entries have not been more personal. As usual for this time of year, I am drowning in paperwork at work.  Frustrating...
The dance instructor never showed up at my school, so I am taking ballroom dance lessons on Thursdays. I was late for my second lesson this past week, because I had to take a picture of the kids that were in the skit so I could enter it with a story for the program newsletter. I had lots of problems getting the picture to the person who is doing the newsletter, because our emails reject each other's schools. Frustrating!
The picture came out awesome with a fishbowl effect. Sorry I cannot post, but confidentiality, ya know...
When I got to the school where they were giving the dance lessons, the building was closed. One of the kids outside said they had cancelled the lesson because of the weather. I hope I didnt miss the second lesson, because I promised the kids that we would be dancing this semester.  Frustrating...
The worst thing that happened this week was that one of the 6th grade boys urinated on the coke machine and in the drinking fountain. I think he was angry because the principal does not allow the kids to have sugary sodas or snacks. This is not the first time that he gets into trouble. I wonder if they will suspend him or expel him.  Frustrating.
My boss sent some girl over to my campus to learn from me. I was very upset because I am trying to get caught up in my paperwork, and he didnt bother to warn me.  On Monday she will be at a different campus but it sounds as if my boss wants her to come over to my campus. Frustrating.
Needless to say, I am very overwhelmed by all this, not to add that my electric bill is up for disconnect because I forgot to make the payment (wasnt it just recently that I paid it?!) AND I have to clean the apartment for the Pest control guy who is a pest himself.  Frustrating!!!!!!!!
So before you lay your head on your pillow tonight, say a little prayer for me. I could really use it.
win =.)

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Feng-Shui to Improve Your Love Life


The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched. They must be felt with the heart.


1. Replace Images of Lone Figures With Pictures of Happy Couples:
Artwork has a tremendous impact on the subconscious. When you surround yourself with photos, paintings, sculptures and knickknacks of solitary figures, you'll carry yourself accordingly. Replacing such images with representations of happy couples will make you more receptive to love.

2. Create Cozy Seating Arrangements:
Single chairs send a loud and clear message to prospective suitors and spouses: Back off! If you're looking for love, create cozy seating arrangements from love seats, sofas and chairs. Putting chairs at comfortable angles to each other will signal that you're ready for a relationship.

3. Keep the Television Out of the Bedroom:
Nothing kills romance like the drone of late night television. If you have trouble falling asleep, try unwinding by reading love poetry or romantic novels. Your subconscious will shift accordingly, making you a virtual love magnet.

4.  Treat Yourself to Sensual Bedding:
That old ratty pillow from college and those serviceable sheets aren't doing your sex life any favors. Go ahead and splurge on pillows, blankets and sheets that invite you to linger in bed.

5. Downsize From a King to a Queen Size Bed
Sleeping on a huge mattress won't cultivate intimacy. Invest in a comfortable queen-sized bed if you'd like to find the love of your life. If you simply can't make the switch, make sure to sleep on patterned sheets to add some zest to your sex life.

6. Prepare for Company:
If you are single, clear out one of your dresser drawers, leave some empty hangers in the closet, and keep an extra toothbrush in the bathroom. When you demonstrate you are willing to share your space with someone special, your romantic prospects will soar.

7. Pull Your Bed Away From the Wall:
Pushing your bed against the wall effectively crowds out any chance for lovers to enter your life. Arrange your bed so that it has enough space to walk on either side. Before you know it, you'll be cuddling close with someone special, instead of hugging your pillow for comfort.

8. Make Your 'Relationship Gua' a Shrine to Love:
Using the front door of your home as a reference point, the far right corner of your home represents relationships and is known as the "Relationship Gua" in Feng Shui. Therefore, you need to keep this area intimate and inviting. A love seat illuminated with adjustable lighting is ideal for this special spot.

9. Keep the Family at Bay:
Your bedroom represents your romantic life. Therefore, the last images you want to see here are photos of dear old Mom and Dad. Children's artwork and toys will also undermine your sex life. Celebrate these relationships in other areas of your household, but keep your boudoir a private retreat.

Think Pink!
Warm colors like pink and red can enliven your love life considerably. Soft shades like rose, salmon and coral can attract a gentle partner who is attentive to your needs, while bold colors like scarlet, crimson and burgundy will draw a passionate adventurer to your side.

 Happy Valentine's Day


Sunday, February 4, 2007


              The drama teacher and I went to see "The Man of La Mancha" this week. I kept looking for the windmills but there were none. The part I liked best was how his heart was captured by the town whore. To her, every man was like every other man... until she met him. In his eyes, he saw her as pure and beautiful and she could do no wrong. He was a strange man with what seemed to be a huge imagination. His love letter remained in her hand, even though she had no idea what he had written in the letter. This man was different. This man loved her past her pain. But when she found him, he was very sick and thought that everything he had been through had been but a dream. It was her love and her words that brought him back to his reality: to fight for his quest, to reach that unreachable star.

th_littleballetpurple.gif When we are little, nothing seems impossible. What happened in your life to change that? 

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star


The best things in life are unseen. That's why we close our eyes when we kiss, cry, and dream...