Sunday, August 14, 2005

Once Upon a Dream

                    Walt Disney

It brings me joy to see people in love, but it is easier for me to believe that love will happen to others than it is to believe that it will ever happen to me. When I picture myself in the present or in the future, I picture myself happily doing things that I enjoy, but I always picture myself all by myself. That is why it is so hard for me to accept when others predict that "he is coming." Last year, they told me that "he was coming" and I ended up with a broken heart. It is always scary to open your heart to a new relationship.

On Friday night, he walked into my dream. He was tall and well made and he had dark hair. It looked like we had a date after work, because I was still dressed in my work clothes. I felt nervous because the date was going very well. I remember worrying about what I would wear if this lead to a second date, because all that I had were clothes for work, but I took my mind off my worries and just allowed myself to get to know him. At the end of the date, he stood up and laughed as he looked down into my eyes, because he thought that it was cute that I am small. He took my hands in his hands and he trembled as he said:

I know that this is only our first date, but I feel as if I have known you all of my life. I wouldnt blame you if you said no, but I cannot imagine my life without you. Would you be my wife?

  I do not know what my answer was, because I woke up at that very moment, but how can I marry someone whom I have never kissed? I remember waking up and wondering what his name was. Next time I go into a dream, I hope I will be able to get more details.

Perhaps it was just a warning that I need to be more prepared for unexpected things? Perhaps it was just a warning that I need to find something to wear... 

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Falling Down



Falling down is part of life. Falling down is not the worst thing that can happen. The worst that can happen is when you fail to get up after a fall.

Be gentle with yourself. Today is another opportunity.

Sunday, August 7, 2005

Marilyn's Anniversary


Marilyn Monroe (01 Jun 1926 - 05 Aug 1962)

        Forty-three years after her death, I hear on the news that they are thinking of reopening Marilyn Monroe's case to determine the truth about her death. Was it suicide or was it murder?! My theory is that she was murdered. 

Contrary to the dumb blonde roles she played, Marilyn was a very intelligent woman. Because of her unstable childhood, she was excited about finally having a place to call home, and she was in the process of buying furnishings for the home she had recently bought. The public loved her and they had made her a star. She returned to the studio with a fresh new look to film "Something's Got to Give." And she was very excited that she and Joe Dimaggio were planning to remarry. 

Marilyn's involvement with the Kennedy's, however, may have been her biggest mistake, because she got caught in the middle of the Kennedy's and the Maffia. She knew too much, as is suggestive by the name she chose for her dog "Maff." Bobby was at her home twice that day. What was he doing there? Was Marilyn trying to break off their romance? Her not getting to the hospital on time may have been because Bobby was trying to flee before he was noticed. It is evident that the evidence was lost because it was tampered with. If she had died of an overdose, why was there no vomit? If it was an overdose and her body went into convulsions, why was she found face down in the soldier's position with her legs straight and together? Who placed her that way? If she had self-administered the drugs, why was there no glass of water found in the room? Evidence showed that she was administered an enema of drugs to help her sleep. Who gave her the enema? It is suggested that she had two doctors who didnt realize who was prescribing what and that the mix could prove fatal if taken together. Was she given the enema before or after she was dead? If her body was in the soldier position, had her body already reached rigomortis when she was placed in the ambulance? Was she placed in that ambulance once or twice in the same night~ the last after she was already dead? So much coverup of evidence. Why did the housekeeper change her story about when she was found? And where does Peter Lawford come into the picture? Something about his silence just doesnt sound right. Was he there to help Bobby escape?  

On the news, it is said that she was planning to do Shakespeare, that she went out and bought a new wardrobe and plants for her garden. It is said that she was very optimistic about her life and her future. That does not sound like a person who wants to commit suicide. The audio tapes talk about a love encounter with Joan Crawford who became vindictive after Marilyn turned her down at the suggestion of another round. It is very hard for me to imagine Marilyn with Joan Crawford. Her eyebrows give me the creeps. She's just plain scary. In the audio tapes, Marilyn also says that she was having a hard time trying to break off her romance with Bobby Kennedy. Was that why Bobby was at her house twice on the day that she died? Who was trying to make it look like a suicide?

So many questions still unanswered.

 Marilyn Monroe...the legend continues.