It brings me joy to see people in love, but it is easier for me to believe that love will happen to others than it is to believe that it will ever happen to me. When I picture myself in the present or in the future, I picture myself happily doing things that I enjoy, but I always picture myself all by myself. That is why it is so hard for me to accept when others predict that "he is coming." Last year, they told me that "he was coming" and I ended up with a broken heart. It is always scary to open your heart to a new relationship.
On Friday night, he walked into my dream. He was tall and well made and he had dark hair. It looked like we had a date after work, because I was still dressed in my work clothes. I felt nervous because the date was going very well. I remember worrying about what I would wear if this lead to a second date, because all that I had were clothes for work, but I took my mind off my worries and just allowed myself to get to know him. At the end of the date, he stood up and laughed as he looked down into my eyes, because he thought that it was cute that I am small. He took my hands in his hands and he trembled as he said:
I know that this is only our first date, but I feel as if I have known you all of my life. I wouldnt blame you if you said no, but I cannot imagine my life without you. Would you be my wife?
I do not know what my answer was, because I woke up at that very moment, but how can I marry someone whom I have never kissed? I remember waking up and wondering what his name was. Next time I go into a dream, I hope I will be able to get more details.
Perhaps it was just a warning that I need to be more prepared for unexpected things? Perhaps it was just a warning that I need to find something to wear...