Sunday, February 29, 2004

AOL Takes It Off

Took meds at wrong time and fell asleep when I should have taken them!!! I'm wide awake. Ughhh...

Rec'd an E-Mail from AOL Takes It Off. They say they love my journal and would like to feature it.

I have been asking around for the past week, trying to figure out how I can get a picture for them. My computer is not the greatest and it doesnt have much memory. Also, I was looking for my scanner but think I must have thrown it out because it didnt work. Not even my printer works. Oh so sad.... Surprised I didnt throw that out!!! ha ha...Called WalMart tonight and they say they can make a CD from a negative.

Afraid to gain weight before I take this picture!! I have only lost 0.5 lb in the past 10days since I discovered this heart problem. Will continue with heart meds and will start on very low dosage for thyroid until I reach the dosage I need to keept it under control.

Friday, February 27, 2004

This is the Day

This is the day I go visit my doctor to find out my tests results. Fingers crossed.

Results: Organs are at normal rates. Cholesterol is good. Heart meds helping, but still feel so drained; will continue on heart meds. No change in thyroid; still not working right. It is a miracle that I have been able to lose weight on this program with continued thyroid problems! Imagine how much faster I could be losing if my thyroid were working properly! Doctor gave me the ok to walk but cautioned not to overdo and to be careful. He also invited me to the theater. Was that a pass?

According to doctor's height-weight chart, I should be 6 feet tall and playing on the NBA. Sighhh...

PS.. Wore my jeans with a fitted brown jacket. Definitely got noticed by my peers and custodian kept going in and out of my office. LOL... Isnt that funny?!

Met HIM for lunch yesterday. Wore my sexy black dress. He kept staring and saying Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. LOL...

Monday, February 23, 2004

Bella's 1st Earrings

In Nana Land, Isabella Victoria sat patiently in daddy's arms as she received her first ear piercing. Oh, wish I could have been there to witness this kodak moment in Bella's life. Mommy says she was startled by the snap of the first earring, but she didnt cry at all. This little princess is amazing. True princesses do not cry when they are confronted by pain. Bella is two months old.

Sunday, February 22, 2004


Only 1-1/2 lb weight loss this week. I am living proof of how much faster you can lose weight by adding something as simple as walking. Still waiting on doctor's okay.

Wow! I have 2 comments already?!! Thanks, Erma and Suzy. =.)

Made it to 6:30 mass. I didnt think I was going to be able to get up in time, because I went to sleep late. Got my blessing after mass, gave thanks, lit my candle and recited a rosary in the Candle Room, and paid a visit to the Sacred Heart in the Miracles Room. This Wednesday is Ash Wednesday. Hope I can make it to the early mass before I go in to work. That's going go be hard since I'd have to go in 2 different directions.

Went shopping at Wal-Mart. Wanted to buy a size 5 pair of jeans so I can see how much further I have to go. Surprised to see that sizes have changed. Looks like now there are size 4 and size 6 but no size 5. Ughhhh... Settled for a relaxed stretch jean in a dark indigo in a size 6. Also had trouble finding underwear, because they only had thong, string, boycut, and grandma sizes. What is that?!! Wondering how and/or if I will be able to fit these boobies into a size 5. ha ha... Hope I dont lose the girls!

Tried on the size 6 jeans when I got home. Cant believe I got into them and was able to zip them up! They are stretch though and relaxed. Need to focus on midriff and upper body. Will do BodyFlex later today.

Yesterday I drove an hour into Harlingen in hopes of finding material. I want a pink suit for Easter. Was sad that my favorite fabric store and my favorite antique store have closed down. I did find some summer patterns at a nickle each; I esp love the sundress pattern if I can get my upper bod in shape!!

Observation: Seems that men notice me more when I am wearing brown.

Friday, February 20, 2004

Late Entry: FRIDAY

Friday entry: fell asleep... sorry Friday entry is late...

At mid-morning, I was totally blown away at work when a customer left me a note:

     Te entrego mi corazon entero

That means: I surrender my heart to you completely. He returned later that afternoon with a huge red silk rose. That was so sweet and romantic but from a stranger that I have never seen before.



Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Achy Breaky Heart

Took the nurse an hour to find my vein and take out blood. I hate getting my blood drawn because I always look like a drug addict when I am through from all the missed holes in my arms. She says the reason why they have trouble finding my veins is because I have too much muscle in my arms. Is there a way that you can decrease muscle in your arms?!! There is a research question for you, Dollbabi.

They are going to check everything. My blood pressure is still extremely high. Feeling extremely dizzy. Heart not working right. Have a leak in my heart. Had to go to  two pharmacies to get my meds filled, because one pharmacy ran out. Was hoping to go to work today but not feeling well enough.

Do want to try to walk later this evening, even if it is only one mile. Hope this heart condition doesnt interfere with my weightloss and exercise program.

I told my son in law that I am trying to lose weight and that I am now walking six miles. I think he misunderstood, because he immediately asked: What happened? Did your car break down?!

Tee hee...

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

"You have a Big Heart."

On Sunday, I caught a chill. On Monday, I woke up with a migraine headache and my feet were as cold as ice. I put on double socks and got under the covers but couldnt get my feet warm. Today, I woke up sneezing and with a migraine headache, feeling like throwing up and dizzy. I went to the doctor for a cold and found out that

                              I have a big heart.

The doctor said that in relationships that is great but not in the medical field. He says I have a heart murmur. I go in for labwork in the morning. Still feeling dizzy.

Need to remain calm tonight and not think of anything that might make my heart race... sorry Richard Gere... cant take any of your calls tonight. =.) One good thing about my doctor visit is that I got a note to be able to drink water at work!

Sunday, February 15, 2004

Monthly Report

The following progress is from 01/15/2004 to 02/15/2004...

Week 1: Went from 170 lbs to 162 lbs. Herbalife + walking 1 mile.

Week 2: Went from 162 to 157 lbs. Walking 3 miles.

Week 3: Went from 157 lbs to 162 lbs. Listened to words that hurt. Gained 5 lbs. Still walking 3 miles. Change at work: not allowed to drink water at work station.

Week 4: Went from 162 lbs to 155.5. Walking 6 miles.

Monthly report: Went from 170 lbs to 155.5. Total weight loss = 14.5 lbs. Disappointed in myself for allowing others to steal my happiness, but proud of myself for getting back on track.

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

NOTE, 10/30/2005: This program is what worked for me. I was highly motivated and AOL wanted to feature my journal, but when I wrote about it in my journal, my readers convinced me to turn down the honor. I don't know if they were jealous, but they didn't return to visit my journal. What's worse is that their actions made me lose my motivation to continue with my weightloss goals. I was so close to reaching my weight loss goal, but now, I am having a hard time getting motivated to get back on track.

Monday, February 9, 2004

Miracles Prayer to Sacred Heart of Jesus

                      Sacred Heart of Jesus

Lord Jesus, I come before you, just as I am. I am sorry for my sins. I repent of my sins. Please forgive me. In your name, I forgive all others for what they have done against me. I renounce Satan, the evil spirits, and all their works. I give you my entire self, Lord Jesus, now and forever. I invite you into my life, Jesus. I accept you as my Lord, God and Savior. Heal me, change me. Strengthen me in body, soul, and spirit. (recite your petition here) Come, Lord Jesus. Cover me with your precious blood and fill me with your Holy Spirit. I love you, Lord Jesus. I praise you, Jesus. I thank you, Jesus. I shall follow you every day of my life. Amen.

Mary, my mother, Queen of Peace, all the angels and saints, please heal me. Amen.

Say this prayer faithfully, no matter how you feel. When you come to the point where you sincerely mean each word, with all your heart, something good spiritually will happen to you. You will experience Jesus and He will change your whole life in a very special way. You will see.

What is Miracles Room

I live a few minutes from the Mexican border. I attend the Basilica of the Virgin of San Juan in San Juan, Texas. It is a national shrine. The Virgin of San Juan is known as the virgin of the Mexican people, as this is a replica of the shrine in Mexico. In the church, there are different colors for different times during the year. The small statue of the Virgin is placed very high. I do not know how they get her down to change her clothes. The small statue has human hair. People make their petitions to the blessed mother and make promises to come from their lands to visit her shrine, to give thanks, and to leave momentos as proof of the miracles that have occurred with her intercession. The shrine is considered a very sacred place. Those momentos are put into the Miracles Room for the unbelievers and to give others hope. I have added the shrine's website under the favorite links section of this journal if you want to read up on the history.

Sunday, February 8, 2004

The Miracles Room

Night Entry: Walked six miles.

Also today, I went into the Miracles Room after I lit my candle. There was a letter there, written by a woman named Mona, who couldnt make up her mind about what to do with her life because she isnt getting any younger. I dont know if Mona will be back at the Miralces Room, but I left her a little note to come see me and left my business address.

Then I was approached by a tall slender woman with dark hair who asked me where I was from. People come to the Basilica from many places because they believe that many miracles have happened through the intercession of the Virgin of San Juan. The woman gave me a Miracle Prayer and a picture of the statue of the Sacred Heart of Jesus who stood before me. She said that she believes in Him and that He will help anyone who asks for his intercession, and so she has made it her mission to spread copies of this prayer and pictures of this statue to others. She says that one of the pictures she took of the statue shows the blood in His heart and also the blood on His fingers and that it looks very real.

Thank you, Lord, for showing me today that when I saw only one set of footprints, it was then that you carried me.

The Voices, The Voices


Shouldnt have told mom that I was losing weight. Should have just lost the weight and let her notice by herself... Still hearing her voice rambling in my head... Yes, but it's not good enough. You arent losing the weight fast enough. You still have a long way to go... My goodness! Is this what my clients experienced when they heard those voices in their heads?!

It was hard to concentrate in mass this morning, because I felt hurt from my mother's constant criticism. I lit a candle after mass, gave thanks, and brought my petitions unto the Lord. And then, I felt stupid. 

I felt stupid, because these past 8 days, I have only seen the one set of footprints. God knows what I need before I even ask. He will take care of the things I cannot take care of myself, and He will take away my sackcloth and clothe me in joy.

Saturday, February 7, 2004

What will I wear?!!!!

I am having a hard time figuring out what to wear now, because my clothes fit looser and looser. The jeans I bought last Saturday, dont fit right anymore. I was going to wear them yesterday for casual Friday, but never wore them. Will need to look for the receipt to see if I can return them. Need to go through that closet and look for my old clothes to see if I have something I can wear to work.

Tried on my long red gown and robe and a red lace teddy that I hadnt been able to get into. The red gown still fits tight around the bust (definitely dont want to lose these!!), but otherwise, looks great. The robe used to be super tight. Cant believe how loose it looks now. It's fun to find "new clothes" in your own closet, but most of my clothes are too big. 

Night entry: Oh so hard to get the voices out of my head. Why does mom have to be so critical?! Have not had a good week with dieting this week, but am trying to keep up with the walking. Walked six miles.

Friday, February 6, 2004

3:47am full moon

Ughhhhhhhhhh... should have checked the time for the full moon. Wasnt able to do full moon diet this month. Dangggggggg...

Must be the full moon that is causing all these cravings in moi. Want so much to eat a hamburger... sighhhhhhhh

Walked six miles.


Thursday, February 5, 2004

Back to 157.0

Back to 157.0 lbs! If I lose at least 7 more lbs by Valentine's day, I will have lost 20 lbs this month. Must stick with program! =.)

Disappointed that sometimes I am not able to listen to all of what Joyce Meyer has to say. This morning she was talking about walking the walk of love and how self-love is so important. I love to hear her talk. She is so funny and down to earth.

Mary sent me an email and says she was inspired by my shopping trip and went shopping herself. I am dying to hear what she bought.

9:33 pm: Felt some pain in my lower back, but was able to do six miles. The moon is beautiful. Tomorrow night there will be a full moon. Need to do the full moon diet.

He said his parents went home this morning. What do guys think about when they are away from us?

Wednesday, February 4, 2004

7 Miles

Moon & Stars

Such a beautiful moon out tonight. Walked in the moonlight, with my hair blowing in the breeze, thinking about my weight-loss journey and thinking seriously about the Woman in the Glass Box. It is really cruel that I have kept her locked up in there for so long. My goal was to lose the weight last year, but with the fall in January, all I did was gain more weight, because I wasnt able to walk or stand very much. It's taken me a whole year to recooperate from that fall.

I thank God that I am now able to wear high heels and that I am able to walk again. Tonight, the breeze felt so good on my face, that I just kept on walking and walking. I am pretty sure I walked at least 7 miles or more. I could have kept going, but I dont want to be so sore that I wont be able to take my walk tomorrow.

I am afraid to face the scale this week, because I have messed up too many times. It was that McDonald's breakfast with mom that started it all. I dont know why my mother has always been so critical of me. Sometimes, it really hurts, but I just bite my lip and take her words.

Tuesday, February 3, 2004

Lunch =.)

Noticed that since I started with the free weights I am either gaining or not losing weight. Dont know if BodyFlex is also interfereing with the program, but for next few days will focus on walking only to see if it makes a difference. Also need to remember to eat before I go somewhere, because not eating has not helped this program at all.

Finally met for lunch. He is so gorgeous. What does he see in me that I dont see in myself?! Wonder if people at work noticed that I was singing to myself. =.) It is rare to see a man wonder about the things I like, to have him look through my music and ask me about my art. It is still very hard for me to believe that God has sent me this wonderful angel. How long he will be in my life, I do not know. I only know this minute, and for now, that is enough.

Have been having all kinds of cravings. Maybe I'm pregnant? ha ha j/k... Definitely need to get back on track, first thing tomorrow. =.) Walked 3 miles.

Sunday, February 1, 2004

The Woman in the Glass Box

The pictures above are dedicated to the Woman in the Glass Box, the woman who lives within myself. She is my slim self and like the glass box, she is so very fragile. Her nudity represents the essence of her very being and the exposure of all her imperfections are what makes her all the more beautiful, inside and out. She is the perfect me, the me I am afraid to show to the world, for fear of getting hurt one more time. She lives there, day after day, and waits for the day when I will allow her to emerge. With each passing day, she waits. With each passing week, she waits. With each passing month, she waits. With each passing year, she waits. She's longing to come out of the box. Like a beautiful treasure, she is put away for another day, and another day, and for yet, another day. It is so cruel to keep her waiting. It is so cruel to keep her from becoming a part of my world. Will she continue to wait until she becomes nothing more than a memory of what might have been?!

158.0 lbs

I didnt feel like exercising or eating right today. In fact, I didnt want to do anything but mope around the house. But I forced myself to do BodyFlex, I did some free weights and I walked my three miles. I wish the weight would just go away, but

I know that just wishing wont make it happen. It took me awhile to get this way and it will take me awhile to lose it. 

Some fat is good for women, because it helps to make you look younger. People always seem to think that I am half my age until they discover that I am a grandmother. Then they add years just because everyone thinks you had a fabulous love life to have had children and of course that you waited until you were in your 20s to have children so it must take you at least 20 more years for your children to have children. LOL.. People are so funny.

Today's message at church was this... if I have all these things but have not love, I am nothing... even Forrest Gump knew what love is.

Before my story is over, I would like to know what true love is all about.