Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Set Back

Hi. Havent been able to write in my diary. Because of the recent death of my mother's older brother and because of continued problems with my health, I havent been able to keep up with my writing and/or my diet and exercise program since last entry. Sighhh...

Did BodyFlex exercises this morning but didnt keep to my diet today.  Tomorrow is another opportunity to get back on track.=.)

Monday, October 13, 2003


Oh so sad to watch my journal entries transfer one by one into the Older Entries files. Sometimes, I dont want to add an entry because it means my old entries will go away...

When I took my measurements Sunday, I was surprised that I did lose inches on my second week of this program. Overall, I have lost a total of 9.75 inches and 4 inches were from my waist in only 2 weeks time! 

Today a young man noticed my legs. He told me that I have a lot of muscle in my legs and he asked me if I workout. Looks like all those years of jogging in my youth paid off. ::::::BLUSH:::::  =.)

Saturday, October 11, 2003


The Mexicans cross the border quite early. If you dont get out of the house at the crack of dawn, you set yourself up for suicide fighting the crowds. I used to love shopping really. But since I came to this area, I've had to turn shopping into a battle plan. sighhhh...

PROGRESS... I've noticed that the diet is easier when you have everything prepared or almost prepared. The yogurt in the morning works because I can just take it to work. The chicken I bought last week was already precooked, but that can be expensive, so this week I cooked the chicken and froze it individually. The problem is that I didnt cook enough for the week and I didnt feel well enough to cook this week. Also, because a coworker asked me to lunch this week, I had to use that day as my Free Day to eat what I want, so I will have to stick to my diet this Sunday. So I have decided to cook my chicken for the week on Saturdays and freeze it individually. Hopefully, I will be better prepared this week.

I can say that people have begun to take notice. Yesterday a man told me that I looked lovely. I am getting so many stares that I feel embarrassed. :::blush::: I dont think I have lost much weight. I think it's because I am paying more attention to how I dress. I may not be at my ideal weight, but when I dress nice, it makes me feel better about myself.

Monday, October 6, 2003

Fan Mail/ Day10

Wow! Cant believe I have fans! Color me happy! =.) I have a special journal fairy godmother. Her name is VIVIAN. Thanks so much for your kind words and for all your support!

Sunday, October 5, 2003

I am a Barbie after all!

Sunday is my Free Day. I ate whatever I wanted in moderation. Took  my measurements and entered them into BodyFlex leaflet. Lost total of 5 1/2 inches.

MIRROR THERAPY: Thanked my body for trusting me to take better care of it. Thanked my body for showing me a trimmer waist after the 4th day. Asked my body to continue to be patient with me as we go about this journey together.

VISUALIZATION EXERCISE:  Took out fashion catalogs and cut out pictures to create a fall/ winter wardrobe. Pasted pictures on 2 pages of typing paper and taped the two pages together. Limited colors to burgundy/plum, black, leopard, and gold. Looked for pictures of clothing and accessories that I already have and added them to the pages to complete the collage. Visualized how I will look in the clothes and how I can mix and match them. This was a fun exercise.

Saturday, October 4, 2003


A life that is lived being overweight is a life that is half-lived ~ Opray Winfrey

There are women all over the world who take good care of their bodies. Remember that you used to be one of them.. and most important, remember that you can be that way again... Dare to believe that with God, all things are possible!


Sexy Older Men/Day8

Gone crazy with picture savvy! Redid photos below. Love my Woman In the Glass Box and my tribute to Marilyn Monroe. Check them out! =.)

Vera Fischer is a Brazilian actress. (Refer to picture in SEXY OLDER WOMEN on StillDay8 entry.) She was Miss Brazil 1969 and first runner-up for Miss Universe 1969. She is 51 years old but she posed for Playboy when she was 48 years old. She was criticized for turning her pubic hair public. I think that sounds that's kind of funny. Nevertheless, the woman is hot at her age, as are many other older women.

In the telenovela Lazos De Familia, I saw Vera Fischer kissing an older man and felt disgusted, because she is so beautiful. Do all older men look that bad? Oh the perils of preferring younger men! I have to accept that I am older now and that a younger man would not be practical for me.

Hope these pictures of SEXY OLDER MEN will provide me with a bit of inspiration...Will add to my Sexy Older Men album as I come across new pictures.  =.) 

Vida, dime quien eres tu? Ponle nombre a tu seduccion. Donde esta la otra mitad de mi corazon?!! Vida, caja de sorpresas, de historias que me faltan por contar... (Life, tell me who he is. Give me the name of your seduction. Where is the other half of my heart?!! Life, box of surprises, of stories that I have yet to write...)

Friday, October 3, 2003

Customer Survey/Day7

A man was standing behind a man I was helping at work today,and he secretly took a customer satisfaction survey when I wasnt looking.

When his turn came, I helped him as I normally would help any other client, updated his application, and provided him with three job leads. To my surprise, he took out the already completed survey. He said that he has been to many employment centers, but he has never encountered anyone as delightful, patient and compassionate as myself. He wrote a very impressive comment on the survey. It didnt even bother me that he mispelledl my name on the survey. =.)

I went to see Dr. Lopez today for my evaluation for workman's comp. My caseworker didnt show up to accompany me through the procedure, but he sent a different case manager to check up on me and to let me know that he would not be able to be there, because he was out sick. I was expecting more of that Jack and Jill stuff, but it was more of a physical examination to determine what my body is able to do. The report is to be forwarded to Dr Owen by Tuesday.

Thursday, October 2, 2003

Woman in Glass Box/Day6

My journal, like myself, continues to be a work in progress...

The pictures above are dedicated to the Woman in the Glass Box, the woman who lives within myself. She is my slim self, the Venus within, and like the Glass Box, she is so very fragile. Her nudity represents the essence of her very being and the exposure of all her imperfections are what makes her all the more beautiful inside and out. She is the perfect me, the me I am afraid to show to the world for fear of getting hurt one more time. She lives there, day after day and waits for the day when I will allow her to emerge. With each passing day, she waits. With each passing week she waits. With each passing month, she waits. With each passing year, she waits. She's longing to come out of the box. Like a beautiful treasure, she is put away for another day and another day and for yet another day. It is so cruel to keep her waiting. It is so cruel to keep her from becoming a part of my world. Will she continue to wait until she becomes nothing more than a memory of what might have been?

Wednesday, October 1, 2003

Angels Among Us/Day4&5

Day4/Tu: Frustrated @ not being able to write daily, but I suppose it doesnt really matter how often you write as long as you write, because journaling helps to stay focused. Also frustrated @ CHOICES supervisor's inappropriate comments and quick judgments without getting all the facts first. Called upon my Guardian Angel for assistance during period of frustration. Dont know what yours looks like, but I like to think my Guardian Angel looks like this. =.)

Day5/W: God sends me many people. That is what happens when you tell him to use you for His glory. Today, He sent me a woman in tears, who said that she was thinking of killing herself if she didnt find a job. I counseled with her, updated her information, gave her three job leads, and most of all, I gave her confidence and hope. It was nice to see her leave my office with a smile on her face. My boss gave me a hard time, however, and reprimanded me for spending too much time with this client. Would it have been a better idea to have her kill herself instead?! I think I did the right thing...  

I have a Bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice, but most of my work has been in social work and supportive counseling. I have worked for in suicide prevention, investigations of child abuse and neglect, rape and incest, domestic violence, as a jail counselor for the criminally insane, as a qualified mental health professional, and as a caseworker to find jobs for people on welfare. I presently work in an employment agency where I help people to find employment, I faciliate job search groups in English and Spanish, provide current job announcements, and research/provide labor market information for the state of Texas.

PROGRESS...I continue with my exercises daily and I am doing well on my Rachel McLish diet. I dont know how so much food can make you feel like you are dieting. It surely does NOT make me feel deprived!

I am having difficulty with my finances because workman's comp does not pay for the days you have to take for therapy and I have run out of sick leave, so my checks are about half what I would normally make, so instead of steamed veggies, I have to resort to canned or frozen veggies. 

I tried changing breakfast to the boiled egg and toast, but I found that it is more filling for me to have yogurt and fruit. Still having problems drinking enough water, because my job is too fast paced. On Day 4, I had crab and salad and instead of chicken. That was awesome. =.)

Monday, September 29, 2003

Weight: 190

A picture paints a thousand words... You have to be awfully brave to place a BEFORE picture in a public journal, but this is only the beginning... It is very dangerous to be so overweight, especially if that weight is in the middle, as mine is. I pray that the Lord will help me with my health problems so that I can reach my goal.

Sunday, September 28, 2003

Plan A

MIRROR THERAPY: Looked at my naked body in full-length mirror & had a long talk with myself. Thanked my body for the wonderful things it has allowed me to do and apologized for not taking better care of it. Psychologically prepared myself for the long journey ahead.

Exercise: Today is my first day on Body Flex, an exercise program that focuses on using the oxygen in your body to burn fat. The exercises can be done in a chair and are simple, but still a challenge for my fragile body and the herniated disks in my back. The twisting exercises are the hardest for me, but I will get there... Think POSITIVE.



Rachel McLish, DOB: 06/01/58... 4 times Miss Olympia. She is from Harlingen, Texas, which is in the area where I live. She was the first woman body builder and the first Miss Olympia.

B: yogurt and piece of fruit or 1slice toast and 1hard boiled egg, 1-2 c coffee

L: 1-2 chicken breasts, 1-3 c veggies

D: 1-2 chicken breasts or fish, 1-3 c veggies or a potato (no butter), salad

Snacks: fruit or vegetable juice

No colas. Nothing fried or breaded. Water, herbal teas, seltzer-flavored drinks, or vegetable juices permitted. No eating after 8:00 p.m.

Saturday, September 27, 2003

The Beginning...

"Sometimes a woman has to make up her mind between her face and her fanny." ~ Marilyn Monroe

It matters not how or why my story begins, for I am a work in progress. What is important is that I have made that decision, to take up my Sword of Power and to reach for the Cup of the Holy Grail of life, for only God knows what will be written on the last pages of my life... ~ Winivere

Paper is so patient... the blank pages waiting for my hand to write with pen and ink, to draw pretty pictures, or to press a pretty leaf or flower inside... As I child, I spent a lot of time on the roof, talking to God, looking at the stars, or writing in my diary. Growing up without guidance, sometimes, it helped to find solutions to my problems by writing my thoughts down on paper. And so, I begin yet another diary...


Weight-Loss History:  As with most people, my weightloss journey has had its ups and downs. For me, that weight gain has usually been as a result of stress. Most people think that women gain weight when they have children, but not in my case. Children dont make you fat; ex-husbands do.

Physical Challenges: broken bones in body and face from two accidents: car wreck in 1980 and a recent fall at work, hiaetal hernia, hypothyroidism, acid reflux, IBS, fibromyalgia, arthritis, physically unable to exercise at this time due to the fall. I am 50 years old, 4'11" and starting this journal at 190 lbs. Nobody likes to reveal their weight, but for the purpose of this journal, it's a must for tracking progress.

What I Want to Look Like i believe that women should have some meat on their bones and a little bit of fat is good for the face because it makes you look younger. By today's standards, Marilyn Monroe would be considered fat, but in my eyes, she a perfect example of femininity and beauty. I can relate to Marilyn, because we have both had to face issues of emptiness, abandonment, and being punished for our beauty, but although we have failed to win the heart of one man, we have touched many hearts. My weightloss goal is to be a size 5 or 7 at whatever weight that may be. 

STATS: I am a single, career woman from the Corpus Christi, Texas, area. I moved to this area four years ago because my mother and my brother had not talked in 15 years. I am 50 years old with two married daughters. They live in San Antonio and San Marcos; that's about a six hour drive from where I live. My first grandchild was born in July of this year. We are awaiting the birth of my second grandchild in December.  

I have a degree in Criminal Justice and have been undergoing graduate studies towards a license in counseling. I am a qualified mental health professional and have worked with the mentally ill for eight years. My career has included child abuse investigations, crisis intervention, counselor in a jail, working with criminals, working with people on welfare, investigations for the courts in child custody disputes, working people who want to commit suicide and people who have mental problems, but I am presently working as a vocational counselor. Yes, very different from my usual line of work, but for the first time in my life, I get off at 5:00 p.m. and I get two whole days off on Saturdays and Sundays and I get holidays off, too! I no longer wear out cars. I am no longer hunting down people in the rain or trying to save lives in the middle of the night. The last job I had, I went through five cars in eight years. I no longer need to carry a phone or a pager and for the first time in my life, I can actually sleep through the night without being interrupted with crisis calls.

I have been blessed to touch the lives and hearts of many people, but now I must help myself to get through this most difficult challenge... 


I am the Woman in the Glass Box. I am the perfection of beauty and goodness within myself, the slim me, the Venus within. Like the glass box, I am so very fragile, but it is the Glass Box that holds my radiant light, a light so bright, full of hope, full of dreams that have yet to be.

My nudity represents the exposure of all my imperfections, but it is our imperfections that make us beautiful; isnt it? Yes, the walls are made of glass, but even glass holds some protection from the cruelty of the outside world. 

This time around, I have many physical challenges that will work against my reaching my weightloss goals, but I have lost weight many times before. It is up to me to take up my Sword of Power and reclaim the remains of my Kingdom for only I can be the heroine of this story. 


The Lady of the Lake with Excalibur           

 The Damsel of the Sanct Grael by Dante Gabriel Rossetti

Sealed with a kiss,

Win =.)