It is so hard for my family to understand. They were used to seeing me as slim, gorgeous, and vibrant. My brother looks at me and tells my mother that I have gotten so big. And my heart begins to melt. I miss being slim and gorgeous. I miss all the beautiful clothes I used to make. I miss my tiny waist. I remember how I could run like the wind. I remember the high I would get from working out. I remember being able to do 200 situps. I remember being able to lift 210 lbs, even though I was only about 100 lbs. I remember how I never got off the dance floor, because when one dance partner would get tired, another would fill in. Yes, in my youth, I was so healthy and so strong and I had so much energy. I have come close to death over a hundred times. I have died and I have come back to life.
My youngest daughter says I am invincible. No wonder it is so hard for them to understand my health problems and my reasons for not being able to come to visit as often as I would like. She kids that she has made a pact with the gods to make me live forever. I tell her that her grandmother's life line is longer than mine and she says: no! you are going to live to see Bella grow up. You know what that means; right? That means I have to start saving my money for my plastic surgery because I prefer younger men. =.)
Sometimes I get comments in my journal before I've finished an entry. Sometimes it takes me a couple of tries to complete an entry because it becomes too painful to sit at the computer for too long. Sometimes it is too painful to go back to correct a word I have misspelled. Oops... did I spell that right?! Why doesnt the edit page have spellcheck?!
Some people pray for wealth. Some people pray for love. I pray for health.
Lord, renew my body with new found strength. Show favor upon my weakened body and help me to find the motivation I need to reach my weightloss goals.
4 comments:
Ignore your brother's comments. He has not gone through all that you have gone through. I am hoping that your health gets better. Dying and coming back to life means that it isn't your time to leave us. I am glad that it wasn't your time to go because I would have never found you and your uplifting journal. I prefer younger men too. lol.
Love,
Kat
Keeping you in my prayers!
I know what you mean about missing your old self. Most of the time I think I look like that, and then get a nasty surprise when I look in the mirror. A lot of our weightloss has to do with how we feel. I usually feel pretty good until I take a look.
Tracy
Winnie
I've got some friends that would like to meet you. Especially, a caucasian man who loves spanish women. His name is Cliff. His phone number is 361-727-0086.
Call him, he thinks you sound cute.
Love, Andrea
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