Looking UP my own skirt

                         

Not everyone is born with a perfect body and not everyone is born with a pretty face. For most of us, beauty is not something that comes naturally. For most of us, beauty is learned. Some of us have someone to teach us; some of us dont.

Se dice de mi...
Se dice que soy fea,
que camino a lo malevo,
que soy chueca y que me muevo
con un aire compadrón.
Que parezco un dinosaurio,
mi nariz es puntiaguda,
la figura no me ayuda,
y mi boca es un buzón.

Si charlo con Luis, con Pedro o con Juan,
hablando de mi los hombres están,
critican si ya la línea perdí,
se fijan si voy, si vengo o si fui.

Se dicen muchas cosas,
mas si el bulto no interesa
Por qué pierden la cabeza ocupándose de mi?

Yo sé que muchos que desprecian con mentiras,
y suspiran y se mueren cuando piensan en mi amor
Y más de alguno se derrite si suspiro,
y se queda si lo miro, resoplándo con temor.
Si fea soy, pongámosle,
que de eso ya, yo me enteré.
Mas la fealdad que Dios me dió,
mucha mujer me la envidió,
y no dirán que me creí,
porque modesta siempre fui
yo soy asi

Y ocultan de mi
ocultan que yo tengo unos ojos soñadores
y ademas otros timones que producen sensacion
si soy fea se que en cambio tengo un cutis de muñeca
los que dicen que soy chueca no me han visto en camison
los hombres de mi critican la voz,
el modo de andar la punta la tos
critican si ya la linea perdi se fijan si voy si vengo o si fui

Se dicen muchas cosas,
mas si el bulto no interesa
Por qué pierden la cabeza ocupándose de mi?

Yo sé que muchos que desprecian con mentiras,
y suspiran y se mueren cuando piensan en mi amor
Y más de alguno se derrite si suspiro,
y se queda si lo miro, resoplándo con temor.
Si fea soy, pongámosle,
que de eso ya, yo me enteré.
Mas la fealdad que Dios me dió,
mucha mujer me la envidió,
y no dirán que me creí,
porque modesta siempre fui
yo soy asi.

              ~ Yolanda Rayo: Se Dice De Mi

Underneath my  clothes, I am the same Win, but looking up my own skirt, I have come face-to-face with a different Win, a Win that I fail to recognize. 

This Win rebels against her need to change. This Win wants to give up. My life is asking me to make a change and I am afraid of change, and so, I keep on being the same... but being the same is not the same person that I used to be...

I am still the brilliant, hard-working career woman that I always was, but coming to the Valley has drastically changed my personal life, and my greatest insecurities are as a result of looking at myself in the mirror. I am fat, because I am unhappy. I am unhappy, because I am in the Valley. The more I think about the Valley, the more I realize that this is not my world and it makes me very sad.

Feeling melancholy is ok, because that means that I miss something or someone that I like... but it is not good to keep the sadness within my heart. The body is a temple, and it receives everything ~ good and bad. I cannot allow the negativity of the people I come in contact with or my own words and thoughts to cut through my life like a knife. To do so is to destroy myself. I know I must liberate myself from all these bad things, but my heart feels so heavy. It feels as if I am on this journey all by myself. I feel so overworked. I feel so burned out. I want so much to escape.

                      

"He kissed me and it made me feel as if I had had surgery."

Most women are not happy without a man by their side, but most men do not meet my expectations. I do not know if I will ever meet a man who can take my breath away with his kiss. I have lived without love all of my life, and I have cometo realize that sometimes, having one person to love you might not be in your destiny. Sometimes, you have far greater things to do with your life. Sometimes, you belong to the world, instead.

I do not know how long I stood there, gazing up... the memories rolling in my mind,  gently unfolding like the pictures in the photo album of my life... and then, my eyes began to water. It was just like the one in the picture... I wanted so much to buy it, but it was so big, how would I ever carry it up the stairs?! ...

... I am closer to the last pages of my life. My childhood dreams are almost faded now. How can I recapture something that I have failed to start?!#

I miss the Win I used to be... the Win who was sure of herself, professionally and socially.

Beauty is not only about having a beautiful body. Beauty is also about elegance, grace, etiquette, how you handle yourself among others, and the confidence you have in yourself.