Buenos Amigos

It is so hard to try to pick up the pieces when you are hurting. I look at the journals of all of these overweight women who travel to exotic and exciting places, who have such beautiful homes, a loving husband, and such wonderful families and friends who offer them so much love and support and I wonder:

Why are they overweight when they have everything? What is their void? What are they missing?

When I was walking last night, I laughed to think that

 some people stuff themselves with food, and then, they complain about having to exercise to take it off.

Boy, am I guilty of that. Stop it! There is no need to punish myself like that! 

It makes sense for the hurt and fear in my heart to manifest itself in my overweight body~ but then, I am not anymore special than anyone else who is trying to lose weight.

Much like the Woman in the Glass Box, living in this area makes me feel trapped.

It would be so nice to have a Valentine this year, but the men in this area are too macho, drink too much, and think women are only for housework, for adventure, or to show off as a trophy. Yes, that may be in other areas, too, but not as bad as it is here, primarily because the men from this area cannot accept a woman who is more intelligent or more successful than they are.

I limit myself from going to most places, because the people here are very rude and are not very considerate of others, especially the rich people from Mexico who come to live in the United States. Dont they teach them manners in their country? It's a nightmare to have to go shopping. I have had to adjust my shopping time to after 6:30 a.m. mass, because at that time, most of them are hungover or asleep.

Living an hour away from my mother is too close. She is my worst critic and the more I am around her, the more weight I gain. I have been close to death so many times, and everytime, I survived, but I lived far away from family, and it was so much easier to confront my battles without constant criticism from my mother.

Unfortunately, I am not financially able to move at this time, so I signed my rental agreement for one more year. I must save some money and seriously pray for God to help me to find my place in the world or to help me to better my situation where I live.

Last night, I tossed and turned, thinking about how I could save some money. It is not a good thing to look at your bank statement before bed, especially when you know there will be more purchases you have to make. =.) When I woke up, I was determined to leave aol and find a cheaper internet service... and then... Kathi and Kat showed up in my journal. This morning the radio played I Believe in Miracles as I opened aol.. and then, I noticed that my long lost friend, Mary, left a comment in my journal and has returned to journaling! How great is the Lord! 

Even though I have only known you for a little while, I am so grateful that you came back into my journal at just the right time. 

Buenos Amigos (Good Friends)

~ performed by Selena Quintanilla and Alvaro Torres

(Alvaro:)
Cómo ya sé que eres un sueño inalcansable
Me basta y sobra con que sepas cuánto te amo
Mi amada amiga, la más bella
Por quien daría lo que soy
La que me roba a manos llenas el corazón

(Selena:)
No es que yo sea indiferente a lo que sientes
Si yo pudiera amarte así yo te amaría
Pero el amor no se improvisa
Nace de pronto así sin más
No es una cosa de poner aquí o allá

(Both:)
Si el sentimiento fuera igual en ti y en mí
Nuestro amor sería de gloria y éxtasis
Pero querer y amar no es lo mismo
Siempre es más grande el amor que el cariño
Y aunque tengamos tantas cosas en común
Puede ser que falle yo o falles tú
Si el sentimiento que nos une no es el mismo
Sigamos siendo mejor buenos amigos

(Alvaro:)
Esperaré un día y otro, lleno de ansias
Hasta que quieras abrigarme dentro de tu alma
Quiero vivir con una ilusión
De que algún día me amarás
No importa el tiempo que te tenga que esperar

(Selena:)
Todas las cosas que me dices son tan bellas
Que a veces siento que me estoy enamorando
Pero despierto y me dentengo
Antes de entrar en un error
Pues vale más un buen amigo que un mal amor

(Both:)
Si el sentimiento fuera igual en ti y en mí
Nuestro amor sería de gloria y éxtasis
Pero querer y amar no es lo mismo
Siempre es más grande el amor que el cariño
Y aunque tengamos tantas cosas en común
Puede ser que falle yo o falles tú
Si el sentimiento que nos une no es el mismo
Sigamos siendo mejor buenos amigos

                                 ~ songwriter unknown