23 Days

                                  

Twenty-three days til Valentine's Day... hardly enough time to get into my red skirt-suit and/or to find a Valentine! Sigh... Surely, I will not be sick forever! My cough is not as bad now, but I am still on antibodics. I need to hurry up and get over this so I can return to my cleansing, get back to drinking milk, and taking vitamins again. As for my thyroid medication, I am not getting as hungry as I did in the beginning. Wonder if I will ever get my thyroid under control, although I did prove to myself last year that I can lose weight in spite of a thyroid problem... What I am most afraid of is not being able to return to walking because of my back problems.

I spent some time in my closet today, paying attention to the clothes I wear the most. Being creative in what I wear has taken a back seat and I am back to wearing mostly black. Was God trying to tell me something when my black shoes and black bag came apart?! Giving up black is as hard as trying to give up sugar, tortillas, or bread, mostly because it is so elegant, so basic, and it is so versatile.

There are too many mistakes in my closet and I dont have clothes to wear for different occasions. Most of my wardrobe is for work and most of my clothes are in winter fabrics.

Living in a tropical climate nine months out of the year, I was shocked to be wearing my beloved Texas A&M sweatshirt, only to catch my elderly neighbor sunbathing on his balcony in tiny white shorts. It would be good to give up black during the spring and summer months. Having two wardrobe capsules would be like having all new clothes in the fall and winter! What a reward! But I also need to get my waistline back to be able to add some fun clothes to my wardrobe.

Winter hides your flaws, but summertime is unforgiving.

Sometimes, I feel like giving up on writing in this journal and starting a handwritten journal instead. God has helped me to inspire so many people, but it would be nice if He sent me someone human to inspire me or at least offer a little support. 

Recently, a woman we used to work with showed up at work. She works out, but she is a lesbian and she looks like a man. I agreed to have dinner with her last Friday, but everybody kept staring at us and smiling as they pointed at us. She is a fun person, but what if she ends up falling for me and what if I end up getting a reputation for being a lesbian even if I am not?! Is it wrong for me to think of these things?!

Sometimes I feel that nobody is reading my journal, and so, I start writing boring stuff instead of focusing on being inspirational. Being inspirational is important to my weight-loss journey success, because I must keep focused,no matter what I am going through... and then, I get an email or people will leave comments in the weirdest places.

So there is the rub: to be or not to be. Ahhh, that is the question... but how can I say goodbye to my journal? Progress or not, I must presevere, no matter how boring these pages have become. Surely, I will not be sick forever. It would be good to get back on track and to be able to get into my own clothes!

Perhaps I need to pay more attention to the Feng Shui in my bedroom. Although I like the placement of my furniture, it seems that I was healthier and my love life was better when my bed faced east. The people from India believe that you should always wake up facing the sun. Perhaps I should change it back... Ughh, that will be a lot of work, and I will need to get rid of one of my shelves which means less storage space, but if it helps to improve my health, it's worth a shot.

As for my money woes, the change in health insurance will save me $20.00 a month (as long as I dont get sick) and my rent will go down $10.00 a month in February, which will help to put $350.00 into my savings this year. I still have some bills and layaways to catch up on, and I will need to update my wardrobe this year, but I hope to put some money into my savings each month.