More reflections from my past... I was looking for this painting in my journal, but this entry is something that I didnt expect to find. I will add it to today's entry to remind myself of progress past and add some notes at the bottom.
Chapter 1: 09/27/03:190LBS (Physically unable to stand 10 min); 10/13/03:Lost 9.75" on BodyFlex+.
Chapter 2: 01/01/04:183LBS; 01/30/04:157LBS/ ClothesTooBig; 02/04/04:Walked 7miles; 04/04/04: 146LBS; Plateau, Heart Problems, Painful Joints, Problems Walking, BurnOut.
Chapter 3: Starting Over... Weight: 153LBS. Have gained 7LBS with this burn out. Need to retrain myself to think thin...
STEP ONE: Truth/ Acceptance/ Gratitude/ Forgiveness/ Committment.
TOOLS NEEDED: Scale, Calendar, Full-Length Mirror, Childhood Picture, Journal.
DIRECTIONS: Weigh self. Write weight on calendar. Stand naked in front of full-length mirror and take a good look at your body, front and back. Thank your body for what it has done for you so far. Apologize to your body for what you have done to it. Take time to say goodbye to the pounds you are about to lose. Ask your body to be patient with you as you start your journey one more time. Get dressed. Take your childhood picture and put it in a nice frame where you can see it everyday. Bless the child you used to be. Hug the child and nurture her as if she were your little girl. That little girl deserves to be loved and she deserves to be happy. Commit to helping her to find her way. Keep track of your progress in your journal, adding visual aids and affirmations.
Late entry: Still having problems with hip joints, but was able to slowly walk one mile. Better to walk slowly than not to walk at all. Thank you, Lord, for helping me to walk tonight.
TODAY'S NOTE:
Mirror Therapy has always been an invaluable tool for me when it comes to weightloss. Looking at my reflection lately has been intolerable, however. I know I need to stand up and force myself to look at my reflection. The mirrors in my apartment (except for one) reflect only from the neck up. I took my full-length mirror and put it in the hall. I am forcing myself to see the truth of my reality. Being fat will not go away by itself. I have to take notice of what I have become. I have to take notice of what other people see when they look at me, no matter how scary that may be.
Mental Note: I have gained 22 more pounds since that entry of June 20, 2004. Today is June 12, 2006. That is two years later. Look at all the 2's! I suppose an extra 22 lbs is not a lot to gain in two years, but it's about stopping this roller coaster ride of regaining the pounds I lose over and over again. I would swear I must have lost over 1,000 lbs already, going up and down that scale.
When I wrote that entry, I was listening to Gloria Gaynor's "I WILL SURVIVE." Yes, I know I will survive this fat war, because I am living proof that it can be done. How many times have I proved the doctors wrong?! Yes, I am living proof that IT CAN BE DONE!
It's time to take up a new chapter, Win. You are never a failure until you stop trying.
8 comments:
SO true...NEVER STOP TRYING, NEVER GIVE IN OR GIVE UP!
Blessings dear,
Sugar
Just ran up on your journal, We have a lot in common, the journey of wieght lose, pain, Marilyn Monroe, Richard Gere, (love him too). Lots of struggles. But some how some way, we will make it. Take care, visit my journal, I'm new at this.
God Bless,
your journaling friend, Liz
http://journals.aol.com/bethjunebug/Bethjunebug
LOVE THAT PICTURE!! YOU HAVE SUCH BEAUTIFUL ARTWORK IN YOUR ENTRIES. I AM MAKING AN EFFORT TO STAND IN FRONT OF MY MIRROR AND FIND THINGS THAT I APPRECIATE ABOUT MY BODY INSTEAD OF BEING FATALLY CRITICAL ALL THE TIME. MY SELF-ESTEEM HAS TAKEN SUCH A BEATING!! BUT, I AM NOT GIVING UP. GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU STILL HAVE THAT WINNING ATTITUDE THAT IS SO INSPIRATIONAL TO ALL WHO READ YOUR ENTRIES. THE TIME HAS COME TO MOVE FORWARD AND I KNOW I WE CAN DO IT WITH THE SUPPORT THAT WE HAVE HERE. HERE'S TO A SUCCESSFULL DAY AND MANY MORE TO COME!
Its me again. To answer your questions, I got the name Bethjunebug, from my name is Elizabeth and my birthday is June 30, and Junebugs fly around in the month of June. I have been writing in my journal for a couple of months now. But one of my entries I did somethin and it made the page really wide. So I went and deleted all entries until it fixed the width, and doing that I only have the 2 now. So I'm starting over, thats why my visit number is high.
You will survive just keep moving forward. You is doing so great. Keep living proof to your dr's. :)
Lesa
You are absolutely right......the only time we fail is the day we stop trying. KOKO....we're going to get there!! :)
Pooh Hugs,
Linda~
Win---Love the look of your journal. Thanks for reminding me that I Am Woman--I lost that feelin' for a while now and it made me perk up. Like any other addiction I tell myself that the only way to win is to keep trying. And we sure did win the fight about getting our bodies able to walk and work and I must remind myself that--I WALK - I TALK- I REASON AND FOR THE MOST PART ICAN REMEMBER--WOW, WE ARE AWESOME.
---Granny Hugs to Ya, MARY
Oops, reviewing journal reveals that there was a Chapter 4/An Unsuccessful Attempt. On to Chapter 5... Please note that Chapter 5 began yesterday, 06/11/2006.
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