LEMONS

Here we are again in the middle of the week... I know I should be happy, but that means there are only three days left in the week for the job hunt...

I sent my application off for Summer Camp yesterday... I do not know if I will be able to go, but at least my application is in... just in case...

I have a couple of applications to work on... One that requires quite a bit of legwork to obtain all the documents that they need... I guess that one is the one that has me feeling anxious, because I still need stuff to add to it before I can mail it off... And the other will require some mileage for me to return it to Human Resources in a town that is somewhat far away...

The first application requires a copy of my transcript with the University seal on it... so I spent the entire morning yesterday, fighting with the University.

The person who evaluated my transcripts never listed what my degree is in. She listed it as a Bachelor of Science degree in "Unavailable."  The information was right there. I have no idea why she didn't add it... I tried to correct it years ago, but they just brushed me off... This time, I had to get it changed for that application... But the people at the Registrar send me to the office for New Students... It was clearly going to be a day of getting tossed around from one office to the next...

When I got to the New Students office, I repeated my story...

"Well, ma'am," the young gay boy said, "your records are in storage... There is nothing we can do..."

So I said: What if I bring the copy of my transcript? Will you be able to change it?!

"Well, ma'am, we could look at it, but only Steve would be able to see if he can change it..."

So I walk back to my car to see if I have copies on hand... I do, so I walk back into the building and head to the New Students office... I hand my transcripts to the young boy, pointing out to him that they were evaluated by someone on their campus... The boy takes the transcripts to Steve's office... (I know I probably sound angry in all this, but I was actually very collected and very nice to the boy.)

I was surprised that I was not even allowed in the room with "Steve." I could see him looking at it and holding my transcripts up to the light... OMGG... I am still in shock to see him do that... as if he might not have believed that the transcripts were real...

So I was still standing there, waiting... Two college girls walk in and have to stand behind me and wait, too...

Tic Toc... Tic Toc... It was almost like watching Jeopardy...

The young boy, who was born in the year that I graduated from college, comes out of Steve's office and returns my transcripts back to me... He said that Steve was able to change it and that I could go back to Registrar to get my new copies...

So I go back to the Registrar, but the lines were long...

There was a young man in front of me... He was very tall and had a nicely stacked body and good legs. LOL... Sorry... couldn't help but notice... I did make a comment to him about his shirt... It was a cute T-Shirt with one of those video games on it, but I think it was the way it fit that made me notice how great that shirt was... All I can say is that it was worth the wait...

If I had been thirty years younger and thirty years cuter, that young man's virtue might have been in trouble... LOL...

And YES... I was able to get copies of the corrected transcript with the University seal...

Oh, the ramblings of a "how old am I now?!#" woman! Can't help but wonder if this is how men think... It is a possibility that those two young men might have been the same age, but their bodies made them look very different... It's funny that how a person looks can make you have very different opinions about them...

The little gay boy looked like a boy because his body had little or no form... but the young man with the T-Shirt was heavier, had a broad chest and nice limbs which made him look more like a man... 

Is that how men see us? 

Why do men think that all women are attracted to men who are skinny? 

I like a man who looks like a man... 

In our minds, women have been programmed to believe that men prefer the skinny or petite girls... Maybe it is because someone who is petite looks as if she needs someone to take care of her... Maybe she looks more submissive... Who knows the reasons behind it...

But even when I weighed 92 lbs., I never looked skinny. My body had too many curves...

Ahhh... once was a time when over-eating was not a problem at all... Life was good and there were little or no lemons in my life that I couldn't sort through... Perhaps it is because this job hunt has dragged on way longer than I want that is making life feel more intense... Perhaps God is being a little more selective about what kind of job I will do next...

Beneath this overweight body is an hourglass figure with a tiny waistline... I know wishing won't get it back... Just focusing on losing weight is one thing, but when you are stressed because you do not know from one moment to the next how you are going to pay your bills, all you can focus on is the job hunt... 

One of my greatest fears is running out of food... I suppose that is, because there were many times in my role as a parent when I had to go hungry so that my children could eat... I think that fear is at its strongest when I am without employment...

This weekend, I did something that Nate Berkus would have a cow about... I made myself a mini-pantry by putting up a shelf on the side of the refrigerator... I know it is probably a decorator's taboo, especially since the only shelving I have is plastic (lol), but it makes me aware of the food that I have available to eat, it forces me to use the older items, items are easier to find because they are not in the dark of a cabinet, and it frees one cabinet so that I have more room to store kitchen items ... It is a humble pantry, but looking at it makes me realize that I do have food in my kitchen... I hope this little trick I have played for my mind will help to make it a little more conscious so I can fight through this  fear ... Oh, I also left a space to put my bills, added my recipe box and cookbooks and a picture of Grandmother in her kitchen...

One good thing is that I have been faithful to stop eating by 7 p.m... 

When it comes to weight-loss, reprogramming my mind while I am under stress is a big challenge, but that is the time when I have to focus on the little steps... It is important to turn them into a habit so they can become so automatic that I do them without thought. Yes, that is what it will take to get me there...

   

When LIFE hands you LEMONS,

Open a LEMONADE stand!