The Power of the Mind

  

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face... You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

 

I really love this painting. It was painted by Edmund Blair Leighton, entitled The Accolade. The reason why I love it is because it represents what I stand for, and it also goes, hand in hand, with the quote of Eleanor Roosevelt to look fear in the face. To be a knight takes great courage and the willingness to sacrifice yourself for a cause bigger than yourself.

 

My life used to be about working hard and about survival from abuse, rape, abandonment, and neglect~ but it took a car accident to literally save my life of being a victim. 

 

It was Good Friday in 1980. I was on my way to work. I had left my oldest at her daycare and I was on my way to leave the baby at the other nursery. Suddenly, my car was struck by a truck.

 

I came to when I was in the ambulance. The paramedic was pumping water or something in and out of my mouth. I looked up at him, wondering what they were doing with all those machines, smiled at him, and went back to sleep. When I came to, I was at the hospital. I couldn't talk, but I kept asking for my baby, because she had been in the car with me. She's okay, they told me, "she only lost a shoe." I looked up and was surprised that the lady from her nursery was holding her. I was fortunate that I had covered her with my body, and I was thankful that I always made it a point to be prepared. I was not able to talk, but all of the information the doctors and nurses needed was in my wallet: the names of the girls' nurseries, my mom's phone number, my work phone number. The nurses made all of the arrangements.  After awhile, my mother showed up with both girls and shetook them with her. 

 

Relieved, I went back to sleep. I woke up when the X-ray technician was taking X-rays. It was very noisy. The machine had me in all positions, including standing up. It felt weird to be standing up in a bed. I felt as if he was taking care of me, so I smiled at him, and went back to sleep, but then, I went into a coma. The doctors took me into surgery and hoped for the best.

 

I do not know how long I was in a coma. All I know is that I remember experiencing floating above my body, overhearing the doctors talking amongst themselves. I heard them say that because of all the broken bones in my body and because of the extent of my injuries, if I made it, I would never walk again. 

 

It was at that moment, that I bargained with God. I needed to live, because I didn't want my ex or my mom to raise my kids. That would have been hell for them. I told God that I had to be able to walk, because a single parent needs to be able to provide for her children. I asked God to allow me to live at least until I could educate my girls and prepare them for the world.  I turned my life over to God and I asked him to accept me as his humble servant. And like a flash of light, it was at that instant that I felt the breath of God shoot through my body with great magnitude. The doctors were very surprised but assumed that I would be living the rest of my life in a wheelchair. I do not know how many days passed by at the hospital. I would sleep all day and all night. It was as if my body was still in a coma. I do not know how I got home or who took me home. All I know is that my days in bed continued, but instead of an IV, my nourishment came from a liquid diet of Ensure.   

 

There was no one to care for me at home, and there was no provider,  but I was excited about returning to my life. Mentally, I was ready to face the world, but my face and my head were about three to four times their size from the tremendous blow to my head. I was wearing a body brace under my clothes and my teeth were wired shut so that my teeth would not fall out. I still was unable to talk. I would wear my pajamas for several days before changing them, because it was too hard to get dressed and to get in and out of the shower. Days after going home, I was still finding pieces of glass in my hair from the broken windshield. Although it was hard to stand, I had to wash my pajamas by hand and hang them up in the shower to dry. Then, there was the big day when I had to go back to see the doctor.

 

When I went to the front door, I noticed my car in the driveway. It was half a car. All of the driver's side had been pushed to the passenger's side. How did I survive that?!

 

Going to the doctor's for the first time was scary, because I had to take the bus, but by the grace of God, my body made it to and from the doctor. My face and my head were still huge, but the doctors were amazed that I was trying to walk and to talk. I do not know who paid for the hospital or the doctor visits, but the day before the accident I let go of my insurance because my paycheck was only $525.00 a month gross and I needed that extra money they were taking away for insurance.  

 

I lost my job because the doctors would not release me to go back to work. I was worried, because I had bills and a mortgage to pay. I had to get more Ensure. I had to get my girls back home. So I got out my typewriter and typed up a resume. Against doctor's orders, body brace underneath my clothes and my teeth wired shut, I got on that bus to go out to find another job. First bus out and last bus home, I was working ten hour days, six days a week. The job ended, but still utilizing the bus, I went on to another job, and then I decided that in order to make more money, I had to go to college... but then, that is another long story.

 

I have learned to live with pain everyday. The worst times are when the weather changes, and there have been days when I cannot stand up straight, but I have learned that if you give in to the pain, the pain is worse. Yes, it takes great courage to look fear in the face, but the power of the mind can help you to do things you never dreamed you could do.

 

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

 

This story has helped me to help many people, including a man who fell six floors and lived to tell about it. When I met him, he was in a wheelchair. Today, he is walking.