Self Neglect

I was watching Memoirs of a Geisha the other day. There is a scene where she is walking down the street. She glances up at a boy in a bicycle and the boy is so distracted that he accidentally drives his bicycle into an outside food market. I looked for a picture of that scene but it is hard to believe that they didnt take a shot of it, or at least, I couldnt find it.

Although it was so long ago, I can remember when I could stop a man in his tracks with just one glance! Why have I permitted that glance to disappear from my life? I am still single, after all! Although I would like to experience what true love is, I continue to be afraid to meet yet another soul who will break my heart. How can I let go of that fear? I need to give myself an opportunity to be loved.

It is so easy for me to get so wrapped up in my everyday stressful routines of survival. 

I stand before the full-length mirror and I cry for the little girl who has never been loved. I stand before the full-length mirror and I cry for the woman who has never been loved. I stand before the full-length mirror and I cry for the woman who continues to live inside the Glass Box.

My friend, Marty, met me at the Wal-Mart parking lot yesterday morning so she could take me to the beauty salon where she gets her hair done. The beautician's name is Magdalena. She goes by Magda. She sectioned my hair in foil for the highlights and then followed with brown hair color in between the sections. Then she put a toner on it to bring out the highlights. After that, Magda gave me a haircut. I am not used to the color yet, but I think it looks better than having it all blonde.

I was impressed that Magda cuts the ends the way my hairdresser Lily in Corpus Christi does. People in the Valley do not know how to cut curly hair, but I think Mada did a good job. Of course, Lily would have done a better job, but Corpus is too far away. I tried to see her when I was on vacation, but she was on vacation in Russia with some members of her church. The treatment was very expensive but next time will be cheaper and I wont have to go back untilo 3-4 months.

Anyways, I gave in to Mary's peer pressure to get my hair blow dried straight. Magda stood to my right and her coworker stood to my left. They simutaneously blew my hair from every direction. It felt like something that you see in a magazine when they are preparing Oprah or some other great celebrity star for some special event. It took an incrediably long time for them to blow dry my hair straight because my hair is curly.

Marty liked how they blew dried my hair straight. To me, it was a stranger in the mirror, and I think it made me look shorter to have it so flat. Although it looked healthy, to me, it just didnt have the volume I like, and personally, I think it made my face look rounder. I felt like Ms Piggy. Straight hair makes me look too much like everybody else, it is too much trouble, it takes too much time, and it just is NOT me. I was embarrassed to be seen with my hair like that. I couldnt wait to get home and wash it so I could look like myself again.

Marty's husband joined us for lunch. He is an attorney. They are both ecstatic over the fact that they are expecting a baby in late February. Marty had a difficult first two months and the baby seems to be very picky about what s/he will allow her to eat. I wanted Chinese, but we had to settle for Mexican food because the baby will not allow her to eat Chinese food. We went to eat at a hole in the wall restaurant. They ordered the combo which was more expensive because it also brings a baked potato. I cant eat all of my food if I order the combo, so I ordered the fajita tacos and beans a la charra. I had no idea that Marty's husband was going to pay for my plate. I am grateful that what I ordered was cheaper than theirs, because I always feel guilty when someone decides to pick up my tab.

After lunch, I went to get a pedicure. I know, I felt guilty about spending so much money on myself, but my feet really needed it. The place I go to has a massage chair and you sit there while your feet get a spa treatment in the water. Then, they trim your nails, cut off the cuticles, and file your toe nails. After that, they put some lotions on your feet and buff off the dead cells until your heels and calasus are completely smooth. I love it, because it makes your feet look so much younger. Then comes the polish. You candecide any color you want, but I always ask for a french pedicure. I love the way my feet look, but more important, I love the way my feet feel.

When my daughter was still a minor, we used to have beauty night every Friday. We would do our nails and do a mask on our face and just have fun doing all the girly things. I need to remember that I still need to have a beauty night even if it is all by myself. I looked all over my apartment for my face mask stuff but didnt find any. I will need to pick some up next time I go to the store.

Today, I plan to take the time to give myself an at home manicure. I have some french manicure polish, and I must admit that I do a pretty good job all by myself. I would have done my toe nails myself, but I needed for them to get the dead cells and calluses off my feet, because I have neglected my feet for so long. My best friend gave me some foot spa stuff for my birthday, so I have what I need to take care of my hands and feet.

In India, in China, and in France, it is a must for women to take care of their bodies and their face. Why is it so hard for me to see myself as worthy enough to be a priority? 

In America, a man values a woman who is beautiful. In other countries, a man values a woman who is both beautiful and smart. I want to be valued for being both beautiful and smart.